To think many adults never learned conflict resolution, they only know avoidance or aggression?

Well good for you. Of course all ND people have a hive mind 🙄It was a throwaway comment about someone wanting it added as an exam subject at school.

The world doesn’t exist to disadvantage people but it sure as shit doesn’t exist to help people

I’m 5 foot tall. Growing up with a domineering father in a bad neighbourhood where all the other kids are constantly accusing you of looking at them.
I am now like a mouse. An extremely pathetic person conflict avoidant and a people pleaser to an extremely degree. I’m extremely hung up on my height and probably have napoleon syndrome (the pathetic form not the aggressive form)

I'm also ND, I just don't share your everything exists to disadvantage us attitude, hence my response to it.

But couldnt part of the education be on how everyone's different and process things differently and some of that might be disability related etc - or am I misreading your intention here.
Surely this would make it easier for a ND person to understand NT thinking, the unspoken social rules, actually walking them through how a NT person might approach conflict. Plus ND people get into relationships with both ND and NT people and still deserve to be equipped with helpful knowledge on conflict resolution. But I am very interested to understand what I may be missing here as im sure there are things I am not thinking of that would make this problematic!

I made a comment about a suggestion about making it a school subject.

Just to clarify, I am ND, not stupid. I’m aware of how the world works. Which is why I walk away from conflict.

Imo it’s sociolinguistic.

I’m a native speaker of Slavic languages, and normal communication in those is direct to a degree that would be considered extremely rude, and/or aggressive, to a native English speaker.

Assertiveness can oftentimes be conflated with aggression. I also think that some people trying to become more assertive can over correct due to lack of familiarity with it.

In that case you're utterly doomed i'm afraid. The entire world will continue to exist in order to disadvantage you.

DH and I went on a marriage course a few years ago and there was a section about conflict resolution. I would recommend other couples doing this, we found it really helpful.

I can assure you that I’m not. But outside of saying sorry to someone, or coming to some compromise that suits nobody, what can you teach!

It isn’t just about ND people being perceived as rude and reactions to that.

If an ND person is annoyed or upset, often the conflict can’t ever be resolved.

Well, yes. You see it on MN all the time!

The sweary, rude and insulting posts, the OTT reactions.

People post 'fuck off with that' instead of 'I don't agree on that'. The aggression comes through the screen at you.

frog in a well.

I grew up with parents doing the silent treatment thing. Then as the internet arrived it turned into blocking / unfriending people on Facebook on top of silent treatment.

They are mid 70s now and still do it.

It caused problems as I grew up. I never felt safe & I couldn't speak up. I ended up with the fawning response to keep the peace. 😭 especially when it came to men!!

40 and still needing therapy!

So it wouldn't help if NT people recognised or understood that ND people aren't always being agressive or rude and responded to them appropriately rather than with rising tempers.

Let’s stop all education of anything then just in case anyone gets disadvantaged at any point.

How though? If NT people are brilliant at conflict resolution how does that help us?

But an advantage for the NT society that surrounds you, which should in theory have the knock on effect of being an advantage for the ND too.

Ooh good another educational disadvantage for ND people!

I’m AUDHD so conflict resolution doesn’t work for me. If someone angers or hurts me then I don’t see what they could say or do that would resolve it - it’s happened and you can’t rewind time. So better to remove them from your life

Oh, I know I'm conflict avoidant.

But I don't think it's a generational thig - look at the way that a lot of young people respond to challenges to their ideas: we've had several years of #NoDebate on certain topics, and I find it too often a sense in my undergrads that any challenge to their ideas is a challenge to them as people.

It's hard to understand & deal with the emotions in response to being disagreed with. It's a facet of just being human, I think.

This resonates with me - not the upbringing, but trying to get to grips with those who stonewall when they’ve hurt someone.

Yes!!

Yes I agree. Thankfully both my husband and I have learnt since childhood conflict resolution as well as regulating our nervous systems too. We model to our children everyday. It's so vital. However people look at us like we have 3 heads and are being over the top 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think conflict resolution should be taught in schools and be an exam subject. Perhaps it might prevent some stabbings. It should be on a course that covers anger management and cultivating compassion.

Yes to a massive extent.

I had a total revelation when I chose to undertake some counselling for another reason... but of course these things are always intertwined because it makes us who we are! I remember conversations with my counsellor where I was agog at the simple truths she pointed out to me, proper life changing moments on her sofa, delivered kindly but clearly.

So now I have this strange out of body experience looking back at my family and myself and how they deal with conflict, how I used to be part of that, and what has happened since I became aware of it and did the (not easy) work to change myself. Realising it was no active fault of their own helped a lot, was just what they were taught in their own lives.

I mainly feel quite sad that certain relatives are so bound up in a fairly damaging behaviour but have no awareness or desire to address it (I don't know which). And me consciously stepping out of it has not been well received, even if the reactions from them are subconscious! I feel like a parent having to take a deep breath when dealing with an exhausted toddler, in order to not be sucked back in to the old ways.