In Laws never visit grandchildren

Ours live 30 mins away and don’t come over. Same with the recent birthday and text. It doesn’t bother me (it used to) as I just think it’s their loss at the end of the day. If they don’t want to be close to their grandkids that’s on them and there’s nothing you can do to change that. I can imagine it is extra tough with the loss of your dad but ultimately it’s not something in your control (beyond inviting them over etc) so you need to try and just let it go.

What type of parents were they? My mum lived walking distance from me for 18 years and not only lives 8 miles away. Unless she is formally invited she shows zero interest. She was also disinterested as a parent. I’ve given up inviting her - and I’m now matching her energy. She’s never going to be the parent I wanted let alone the grandparent. It’s not easy to reach this conclusion but it sounds like you might have to.

"Shes been 2 roads away at my sister's house for Christmas and still didn't visit."

How come you didn't pop round?

2 hours is a long drive to do both ways in a day when you are older. I’m mid sixties, fit and well and work full time, and am already finding it far harder than I used to. That said I still do it regularly to see my DGC. But I can see that it’ll get harder as I get older.

How often do you visit them?

How often do you invite them over? Maybe they’re waiting for an invite, rather than intruding.

What support do you need? Have you asked for support? Do they know of your struggles?

Do they like driving? For some people, two hours is quite a long drive, and a lot to do a return trip in one day.

Do they work?

How often did your dh see his grandparents growing? Maybe they’re just that sort of family who just get on with their lives.

My mum lives 45 mins away from us. She hasn't visited my house in 18 years.
I've invited her.
Shes been 2 roads away at my sister's house for Christmas and still didn't visit.

Some grandparents just aren't interested. Its very painful but sadly how it is.
Do your dc see your Mum?

Last weekend I drove a 4 hour round trip to drop my grandchildren off after having them for a sleepover over. I literally would do anything for them.

I can see that would be upsetting. They will not have much of a relationship with your children as they grow up but that’s their choice.
you cannot control other people’s behaviour, only how you react to their behaviour. My in-laws are not really involved with my dcs and I notice now when we meet up that my dc’s behaviour towards them is ‘fake’ - it’s how they respond to meeting anyone they don’t really know: polite but superficial.

Are they retired?

2hrs is a far distance to be popping round. Certainly not fun for a day.

Get DH to invite them to stay a few days.

Or you can go to them....

How often do you go and see them? My DF doting on my DC but would rarely drive over to come and see them unless I invited them over?

How often do you invite them over? If, for example you invited them over for lunch next Saturday, would they come?

Have you invited them? Maybe they don't want to impose. 2 hours there and back is a lot of driving in one day for a presumably at least elderly ish couple, would you be ok with them staying over?