To think almost every woman in the world has suffered some form of sexual harassment by age 30?

Are they harmless though?
Why should anyone be subject to inappropriate office jokes?

As for being cat called. That can be very intimidating if you’re on your own.

And me. Whistling, office jokes and cat calls are harmless. Proper sexual assault is a very different thing.

-At 11 was running at school and had "they'll give you black eyes" shouted at me by an older boy

• at 16 a man gave me a lift back from work experience, locked the door and started stroking me.

• in my 20s walking down street had a man walk to close and grab my private parts.
• in my early 20s walking into a pub and had "you dont get many of them to a pound" shouted by an old man.

Now I'm old and overweight and dont go out drinking etc I dont get anything said. Or I simply cant hear it.

Yes. I see that but I wouldn’t count it as harassment as it wasn’t aimed at me personally and it didn’t intimidate me I was just thinking he must be freezing (was middle of winter). The worse thing that happened was a partner at work asked me if I am using contraception! I reported him immediately to HR. I was just a bit surprised he thought it was ok ask. I personally have a high bar as I know many women have suffered from horrific abuse.

Thought of something else that felt ‘off’. Met a long-standing friend’s husband for the first time. (We were in our 50s by now). She said “this is my friend Sloth”. He said “hello” whilst looking at my chest. First impression: yuk

I certainly did, I was sexually assaulted at 16, by my then employer. Wish i’d have reported him, but instead I quit my job (got my dad to tell him).

Same, and it's a bit upsetting to read people saying I must be "not remembering" or "think it wasn't harassment" -- I know catcalling is harassment, as are unwanted comments, even ones blokes might think are "positive"! But genuinely this has never happened to me, strange men have never looked twice at me, shouted anything, tried to touch me, grabbed at me, any of it.

Urghh so many incidents from pinged bra straps, hands up skirts, boobs grabbed by stranger to being followed on 3 occasions and fearing for my life. Twice on foot (once with a pushchair) and once at speed in a car for 20 miles. And yet I still count myself "lucky" as I got away on every occasion.

I was also horrified when a man hanging round the loos at a festival was leering at my 13 year old son until he saw me clock him... it's all so fucking depressing.

Neither was mine. I’ve got friends whose daughters were taught my male driving instructors and all were professional and above board.

What do you want me to say? I am stating my experience and I sense that you don't believe me or else you doubt my motives. I would never say to people in real life that if you dress like a man, walk in a determined way, and look pissed off that you won't get hassled: I know all the arguments, all the issues involved, all the potential for victim blaming. I would be careful not to imply that women get hassled because of how the look or where they are.
As far as what I am basing this on, I have a daughter who talks to me about her own experience of being hassled, and I have lots of female friends who have been extensively harassed.

I think that on an anonymous mumsnet thread, it is ok for me to describe my experience, ok for me to speculate about what was different about me in my 20s, and that people should be able to listen to my point of view.

I had no male attention, either wanted or unwanted- that was my experience.

I think the intent matters though. The intent of the man in the park would have been to intimidate and indecent exposure is often a crime which later leads to more serious offences such as sexual assault and rape. While you, personally were not offended, it's likely that man would have gone on to offend more seriously.

Sexual behaviour towards a child is paedophilia not sexual harassment. Lets make that distinction at least. A man catcalling flashing, sexually commenting or touching a child and finding her sexually attractive is a deviance and a crime. It took me a long time to realise that. It wasn't just because you were female, it's because you were a child.

Similarly sexual assault and rape are sexual violence. Lets not call it 'harassment' and somehow downplay it. Not that creepy sexual harassment and unwanted attention is OK at any age and some of it really made my life difficult at the time. But some of the incidents many women here have described go well beyond that.

I'm 60 now and and can reel off a long list of unacceptable sexual harassment I've encountered as a adult. At work from colleagues, strangers in the pub, from so called male friends, from random men on the street, the tube, creepy guys at the beach.

But what happened when I was underage? Just way beyond that definition. Men flashing their dicks at us as young as 9 or 10. Sexually assaulted by a middle aged family friend at 8. Age 13 and adult men staring, leering and commenting on my body, especially my DD cup boobs. Similar age, alone in the house and a friend of my mothers trying to kiss and touch me (and who knows what else he would have done - luckily I ran away to a neighbours house). All of that, those men were paedophiles, not 'just' sexual harassers.

It's been nice to get older and a bit more invisible.

I’m 39 and I’ve never been sexually harassed by men or boys, although I was extensively sexually harassed by a group of girls in my class when I was ten. The couple of times I’ve mentioned this online, I’ve had people insist that I must be forgetting, overlooking, or downplaying something from men or boys, and I’m genuinely not.

I think it might be because of a whole bunch of factors put together. I don’t take public transportation, I was single-sex educated from 12 to 22, I don’t go to bars or nightclubs, I live in a wintry US state where people are always driving their cars because it’s so damn cold for at least six months (so no harassment while I’m out walking), I’m a SAHM with no male co-workers, and the places I go in a regular basis usually have more women than men there.

I think a lot of people don’t notice it.

The figures for women being the victim of some sort of sexual harassment or assault are disturbingly high (hence the push to retain single sex spaces)

I’m nothing special to look at but I’ve certainly been wolf whistled when younger, I’ve also had men grope me in pubs, make comments about my breasts, had a man try and force his way into my hotel room at a conference because he was under the mistaken impression I wanted to sleep with him, had a family friend try and snog me when I was 14. That’s just me!

I do think people are more likely to be groped at a club than walking down the street, though both kinds of groping happen, of course

What do you base that assertion on?

As I said, it’s exactly the kind of thing I find problematic. In principle as well as your reasoning and my own personal experience.

Ive never been groped in a club or party. It’s always been in the street, on transport or in the office. Almost always in the day time.

I am not saying you are blaming women deliberately. However can you not see that by stating it’s more likely to happen in X place where women are more likely to be drinking, wearing revealing clothing etc. then you’re both leaving the door open to people who hold women responsible for their own assaults/harassment (she shouldn’t have been drunk and no wonder it happened when she was wearing that skirt) and minimising the ubiquity of it.

If it’s never happened to you how can you know where it’s most likely to happen?

If it hasn’t happened to you I’m pleased for you.

I’m 51. I can’t even begin to count or record the amount of horrible things that have happened. By far the most weird is a very recent episode. I won’t detail it because I definitely don’t want any chance of the poor wife whose husband is doing what he’s doing when she was heavily pregnant. I don’t know her thankfully and I hope for her sake someone tells her. The world is a horrible place at times.

I’ve lost count of how many times I was harassed from the age of about 12 to 40’s- flashing, touching, groping. In was constant and much worse when I lived in France and Spain.

This is veering very close to victim blaming.

Yes I am aware my bar is high but for me I think for it to qualify as harassment I would have had to have felt threatened or scared or intimidated - the man in the park had been there for ages - so it wasn’t personal. The work colleagues i could laugh off.

I am just stating my experience.
I am not blaming anyone for the harassment they have been subjected to!

When I was young, I thought that there was something wrong with me because no man had ever shown any interest in me- I never went on a date or kissed anyone until I was 24. Of course I didn't want to be hassled- was horrified by the idea of that- but I would have liked to have a boyfriend, and was upset that I seemed to not come across as female. There was something very off-putting about me when it came to men.
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I do think people are more likely to be groped at a club than walking down the street, though both kinds of groping happen, of course.

So similar profile. Never went clubbing (have tinnitus so always hated loud music) never wore short skirts or anything low cut. Flat chested.

Thank you to those who have sent me 💐

When it happened to me it was at work, on the train during the day time, walking down the road during the day, minding my own business chatting to my friends, coming home from school aged 12. I wasn’t wearing a thong and boob tube and in micro skirts at four in the morning (although it still wouldn’t have been my fault anyway).

We need to get away from the idea that it’s something to do with what we were wearing, when we were out late, where we chose to go. It can happen anywhere by any aged men, whatever we’re wearing.

By saying you weren’t out clubbing then you’re introducing the idea that that somehow makes a difference. But it doesn’t. And it suggests that the victim has a potential degree of culpability which mitigates the offence. We should of course be able to wear short skirts and go clubbing and be free from harassment. If we’re groped, SA’d, harassed, assaulted the only person whose fault it is is the person doing the groping, abusing, harassing and assaulting.

BTW I’m not having a go at you, it’s just an important principle that shouldn’t be ignored.

I would be surprised too if a woman genuinely hadn’t experienced anything - but also pleased for her.

So many things, here’s some of them:

around 10/11 walking to the park with my little sister, an adult man pressed himself up against a window so we could see his dick.

Age 13 I was DJ’ing in my parents pub. I looked younger than my age. An adult man in his late 20’s was chatting me up and kissed me. Of course at the time I was so flattered…

Age 15 I overheard customers describing me as “jailbait”.

Age 15 1 customer told me because I had been horse riding I must have had my first orgasm. He later played a game of pool with me and grabbed my boobs and rubbed his hand between my legs when I bent over to take my shot (I was wearing jeans luckily… his heavily pregnant wife was at home)

Age 17 raped by the above customer

Age 18 had my crotch grabbed in a different pub by someone I worked with

Age 18/19 when I was very drunk a guy I knew took me outside and said to meet him outside Boots at 11:15pm but don’t tell anyone where I was going. I wasn’t THAT drunk.

unsure of exact age but 16-20 ok the way home on the bus from a football match, I was trying to fall asleep. The guy I was sat next to started caressing my thigh.

Age 19/20 my boyfriend raped me

Various unwanted sexual texts etc from male “friends” or husbands of my friends.

Early 30’s - I was alone working behind the bar and the one male customer told me he would beat me, rape me and I would like it. And he meant it. I actually felt more scared of him than I did when I was raped.

My boss at the pub (after my parents left it, new owners) hit on me then kissed me out of sight of anyone. I had thought the flirting was just the usual pub banter.

God knows how many cat calls, sexual comments, inappropriate hugs over the years. Men are arseholes.

I suppose on the belief or not. I do believe the OP's friend thinks nothing like this has happened to her but I also believe it's important to call out misogynistic behaviours and harassment when you see it. And some aren't seen because we grew up in a society where it's been normalised.

I've shared this campaign before, it's all about men calling out other men but there's also a page of behaviours to look at:

The Issue / What's the Problem - You're Right, That's Wrong

For the person who claimed men can't do anything nowadays. I'd question anything where a man is behaving in a certain way because the person he's behaving around is a woman.

So would he wolf whistle a male friend? Would he stare at a male friend's genitalia intently? Would he follow a friend who had refused to go out and not take no for an answer? Some of these behaviours seem quite mild but if you switch them in your head, you can soon see that they are not always as innocent as often portrayed.