To think almost every woman in the world has suffered some form of sexual harassment by age 30?

It's just the water we swim in. A lot of women don't notice it because of that.

I would say that you are unlikely to have reached adulthood without at least one experience of sexual harrassment.

I find it very difficult to believe as every woman I know has experienced a lot of it.

I remember comments and getting men beeping their car horns at me from about aged 12/13. Then too many incidents to count as I got older, from being followed, taxi drivers being pervy, being sexually harassed at work that I had to report and resulted in men being disciplined, being inappropriately touched, a man trying to force me to kiss him, sexual comments from workmen and men on public transport. I even had an incident of a doctor being inappropriate.

I’m in my 40s now and I run a lot. At least a couple of times a month a man will comment on my body or make some innuendo. A couple of years ago a man touched my bum when I was running. I try to run with my partner or son as they I never get bothered if they’re with me.

My daughter is 17 and the way men have looked at her for the past few years is disgusting. Men from 35 to 80. Pervy bastards.

Oh god we had a creepy fucking music teacher who used to serenade all the girls then he tried to chat me up in a club a couple of years later and was so drunk he was sick on himself … that’s probably the weirdest.

What has alway really freaked me out and more so since I’ve had daughters is the amount of men who knew me as a child and hit on me as an adult. Well, actually not an adult, over the age of consent.

Definitely got touched up on the subway a few times, and that’s horrible but it doesn’t bother me in the same way.

YANBU. I had a man wave his penis at me when I was walking home from primary school aged about 8. I had constant lewd remarks from men in cars when walking home from secondary school.

I'm so sorry. 💐

My mother insists she has never been sexually harrased let alone assaulted. But the truth is, over the years she has let slip incidents that tell another story - two of which are genuinely frightening.
Yet somehow she doesn't see it. She really doesn't.
Some women are just groomed and socialised from childhood to accept this shit and not see it for what it is. So when a woman tells me it's never happened to her, I'm sceptical at the very least, but I learned long ago there's nothing to be gained by trying to convince them they might be wrong.

I am sorry. I perhaps haven't expressed myself well.

I was trying to answer the question in the OP: 'And if you are that rare person, like my friend whose never been harassed, tell me why you think that is'

I was speculating why I haven't been harassed, or indeed attracted male attention in any form. I can only guess that I have either been in places where men are unlikely to harass women, or there is something about my aura that repels them. Maybe it is neither of those things, but I don't know what it is, then.

I am really sorry you have had so many awful experiences. I don't have a high opinion of men in general. I have a lot of female friends, many of whom have been attacked, raped, and abused- I am very wary of men.

I didn't really have much in the way of that growing up-I can't count ages 25-30 as I was not socialising a lot by that point. But being a teen and in my early 20s when I did go out? No I can't really remember anything.

I agree with your friend that being ugly and having a RBF helps. That's why coming on MN was SO eye-opening as to what other women have to deal with.

I don’t see being chatted up as sexual harassment (and I bloody miss it).

Agree with your general point though. Mild harassment is certainly part and parcel of being a woman sadly, and serious harassment not that uncommon either.

Was about 12 the first time it happened to me, a man stood in his window wanking. Got goosed at school and bra strap twanging. stalked by somebody I worked with . Got hit on by one of my very recent exes best friends who had a girlfriend. Got hit on by my sisters new boyfriend the first time I met him. Got hit on by other sisters long term boyfriend. XH grabbed my wrists and tried to drag me upstairs so we could have sex ‘for old times sake’ All this between the ages of 8 and 45 and not counting catcalling and aggression and groping on nights out.

I would suggest most women have but there's always going to be an exception to the rule.
Many minor and some more serious incidents over my 50 years of life. My mum however suffered major trauma of a sexual nature which I only learnt about as an adult but now I realize my whole childhood was shaped by her untreated PTSD and she never managed to heal 😢.
Hope everyone who needs it is finding a way to peace ❤️
Going to get my 14 year old DD to read this thread. She just beginning to go out a little on her own and with friends. It honestly terrifies me.

And they wonder why we don’t want men in our single sex spaces 🙈

@BG2015

I don't think it's had any lasting effect but whenever the memory of it emerges again I remind myself of what might have happened if I had struggled or tried to call for help.

You can say what on earth you like. What you can’t have on an open forum for it to stand without comment if people disagree. You are making assumptions about why I have written my comments which are completely wrong. I didn’t say anything about your motives or your experiences.

I don’t know why you can’t just read what I said and instead you rewrite it in your own head. You say you wouldn’t imply that women get hassled because of where they are but that’s exactly what you did: you implied that part of the reason you didn’t get hassled was because you didn’t go to parties and clubs. And yet I have explained twice why that is problematic.

I don’t understand why you can’t also understand why I consider it strange that someone who didn’t get hassled at all would think they know better where it was likely to happen than someone who’s experienced a lot of harassment, groping and offensive sexual behaviour.

I walk in a determined way, don’t dress provocatively and don’t smile at all and sundry and still have experienced all of those things. In the day time too. It might help a bit but doesn’t stop the average perv; if they’re willing to touch up girls in school uniforms then there’s no bar below which they won’t crawl.

But I’m sure you will just refuse to take on board my points and just reiterate that your experience is as valid as anyone else’s (it isn’t because of the conclusions you reach but there we go - dismissing other women’s experiences is as rife among women as among men).

@FloraDora2 I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you've managed to cope and not let this horrendous assault affect you over the years.

It seems more likely that it has been normalised and she just doesn't recognise it for what it is.

Couldn't go at the weekend at 18 without getting groped by older men on the dance floor, it was horrible!

I find it hard to believe some women have no bad experiences. I'm pretty average although when I was younger I was slim and I'm nearly 6ft so I stand out.

I had a lot of issues in my first job at 17. I was brought into the offices of the salesmen upstairs and asked to "twirl" in front of visiting reps who made comments. I once walked out to get lunch and a guy driving behind me nearly crashed into a woman and her buggy whilst staring at me. She then screamed at me in a packed town that it was my fault. At around this time I had a serious stalker, a guy I'd guess in his late 40's who used to stand outside the shop and follow me everywhere. I ended up having to get a bus home (I lived 5 minutes walk away so literally 1 stop) just so he thought I lived further away.

I have been assaulted by men barging into ladies toilets in pubs and kicking the door of the cubicle open.

My father in laws best friend followed me to the toilets in a restaurant and blocked my exit asking for a kiss and a quick grope. Luckily someone else came to the toilets and I ran. He tried every time I saw him for a while.

I also feel I was very, very close to a rape situation at a house party for New Years Eve 1999. A guy who was a brother of someone I knew would not leave me alone even though I was always out with my ex bf when I saw him. He tried to barge a bathroom door open and I opened the window and contemplated jumping out to get away. Again, luckily a man and woman came to the toilet and I managed to escape.

These are just the worst ones but there are many more lower level events.

I was sexually abused from about 3 until 8, drivers yelling comments from their cars from about age 12, my uncles friend asking me at about 11, if I knew how to put a condoms on a guy. The teacher all the girls knew would stand behind us and look down our shirts. A man coming up behind me in a bar and sticking his hand down the front of my pants without even speaking to me. A Senior Director in one job that was well know to sexualy harass and bully all women under 35, and HR struggling to find him a new PA. So, so many random men making comments in the street, far too many to count, but one that stands out is a guy I smiled at because it was near Christmas and he looked like Father Christmas, so he returned the favour by telling me I had nice tits as he passed me. So many men are absolute pigs, and nonces are not the rare unicorn so many people want to believe them to be.

That was exactly who I was thinking of when I said that indecent exposure is often an earlier crime before moving onto more severe ones. But you're right he was also whatsapping horrible misogynistic crap to his colleagues.

Mostly I was told I was ugly in various forms by total strangers while minding my own business (which I do think counts - it stems from the same belief that we only exist for their amusement). Also more typical stuff although I've been relatively lucky and I think men can tell I'll bite back.

I think if you work in a very female dominated sector, look quite big and intimidating and don't go to pubs or clubs you feasibly could have totally avoided it but I'm still surprised.

It’s all a spectrum. Office jokes and catcalls are one thing then flashing is further along then the worst crimes. Look at Wayne couzens.

Inappropriately touched in public. Urgh. It makes me want to die inside, just thinking about it.

I was first flashed at when I was 5 and again when I was in my 20s.

I'm in my 60s now and have experienced all sorts of sexual harassment from male work colleagues rubbing up against me while passing by, being forced against a wall by another colleague after we'd agreed to share a taxi after a night out with a group of other colleagues, numerous suggestive and outright disgusting comments all the way up to two cases of serious sexual assault.

As I get older I feel I'm turning into a man-hater. I honestly think that a large majority of men would behave in a disgusting sexual way towards women if they thought they'd get away with it.

I am happily married now though but I didn't marry until late in life, mainly due to a couple of abusive relationships.

In general, I have little respect for most men and I trust none of them.