Cards, private or not?

I read cards. If it were a friend then I might say “… ooh do you mind if I read your cards?’ But a 5 year old grandson? What on earth could be so controversial? Jeez, talk about precious. It’s nice that she’s interested in who is wishing him happy birthday.

Most of the cards I send or receive are jokey so you'd need to read the inside to get them. I wouldn't bother reading boring ones in someone else's home but I'd definitely read the joke ones.

Me too. I thought, great a fortune telling relative at a party.

I think it's really rude to read someone else's cards. It's the pictures on the cards that are on display, not the messages inside.

My SIL has a clever way of dealing with this; she displays them on a ledge above her kitchen window so you'd have to climb on a chair to be able to read them. Now that would be incredibly rude!

I thought you meant Tarot readings !

When cards were expensive and people had less disposable income, in the 70s, we would visit people and they show off their cards and you'd be invited to read them. People would have their Christmas cards on string or holder on the wall and they'd ask you if you had read them, expecting you to have done so. I don't think there's a right or wrong way. I would possibly only look at my grandchildren's cards, but I'm busy, so I don't. I'd just say how lovely a card on display was, out of politeness.

I would go read my mum or dads cards, see what my siblings bought and wrote ye

Is it rude? I've never written anything in a card that is private

ETA - 34, down south.

Way back in the dark ages it was normal to show off cards and visitors used to read them. In those olden days we had a "show of presents" a few days before our wedding, took place at the mother of the brides home, only women were invited and a lovely tea was laid on. All of the presents were laid out along with the gift cards.

But maybe it's a class or northern thing? Or an age thing? Definitely all of my parents generation would look at cards on the sideboard for one another. My cousins and siblings do (40s to 60s). I don't know if our children do (teens to 30s)

I had never seen anyone do it until my MIL did it to ours. She's the same generation as my parents (late 80s now). It wasn't something any of my grandparents did. None of my friends, or my children's friends do it.

I think it's a manners thing. And it's rude to nosey about in other people's things.

My Dad used to read all cards and then moved on to reading the household post. I asked him not to, he would reference private things in conversation, so clearly hadn’t stopped. I downloaded Australian visa applications and put them into the pile. One awkward conversation later and he never did it again. 😂

This has been debated a few times on here. I think they are private, and think it’s unbelievably rude to read them. I wouldn’t dream of doing it but my FIL loves nothing more than reading all of our cards and then asking detailed questions about the contents. Now I clear away all cards before he arrives, which is a bit sad really.

Well it’s a thread about reading cards so unlikely to be productive anyway. But no, I just think you are being necessarily sharp with people ..then I noticed your username!

I wonder if it's different if you're someone who really values the word / message inside more

My family tend towards humour, and often on-going family in-jokes. We read each other's cards on the mantle piece because that's how you get the punchline.

If it's a particularly beautiful card, I might pick it up to see who it's from - "ah, of course, your cousin Nigel in the Hebrides. What a stunning view!"

But maybe it's a class or northern thing? Or an age thing? Definitely all of my parents generation would look at cards on the sideboard for one another. My cousins and siblings do (40s to 60s). I don't know if our children do (teens to 30s)

Anything a bit personal (or rude) would not be in the rooms shared with friends and family.

Two different things really looking at her GS's cards why not, I don't suppose there is anything she shouldn't see if you have seen them. Anniversary cards could be more personal but if you left them out for your 18 year old to read I doubt they were that personal, they would be hidden somewhere if they were embarrassing.

My MIL would have been checking to see if the aunts and uncles had sent birthday cards and would be annoyed with them if they hadn't!

Free for all. If you don’t want folk to read them, say so.

I'd just look at the outside. I'd assume the inside was private (especially anniversary cards, or an older child's or adults birthday card) or just a boring 'To x, Happy Birthday, from Y' type thing. I don't have much interest in the inside.

But I'm now wondering if it's because I like art so the outside is the interesting bit to me - when I buy cards it's all about the design, writing inside is a bit perfunctary for me. I wonder if it's different if you're someone who really values the word / message inside more.

In fairness, you were the one picking a fight. Her initial comment was perfectly innocuous. Your reaction was very snarky.

No, I think it’s rude and nosy. As PP have said, the picture is public but the message is not.

I may be influenced by how my late father behaved when I was living at home. He’d read ones in my bedroom, so there was no privacy save for hiding them away.

And he really pored over them. I have no idea what he found so interesting. After one row when I told him to stop it, I asked why on earth he wanted to read them anyway. He said “I just like to.” To me it’s a lesser version of those people who, if left alone or with a spare key, would open drawers. It’s a slightly compulsive nosiness.

I think of cards as private but I don't know why. I just remember the first time someone read one of mine. That jarred, and it's never stopped feeling weird to me. I wouldn't do it, but it's clearly a common phenomenon.

I would find this rather odd and nosy tbh.

My MIL does this and I think it's really rude! My mum always comments on the pretty cards, but would never dream of picking them up and reading the inside. Neither would I.
As someone else said, if someone has left their diary out, or a file, does that mean it's ok for anyone else to read it? If course not!

I was at my friends house once and sitting on her sofa. Her birthday cards were on the mantelpiece and I could see straight into the card from her partner. He had written ‘to xxx’ ‘from xxx’. That was it.

She often says he doesn’t do romance but I thought it was very sad. This is why we shouldn’t read others’ cards.

I personally wouldn’t start to read someone’s cards in their home however I wouldn’t be bothered if someone read cards in my home if I’d displayed them in a family area. Anything that I don’t want reading I would display in my bedroom

Interesting read for me. When I was about 11-12, I was in the headmasters office with my mum and was bored while they were talking. I was stood by the wall and he had loads of cards and postcards etc on a display so I started looking at them and reading. He told me right off saying they were personal and I was nosy. I was so embarrassed as they were on display so assumed ok to read.