The only way to overcome anxiety is through exposure

That isn’t my experience of anxiety at all.

i can’t get over it by doing those things

Absolutely, I believe it was Churchill who said the only way out is through. I often use it when there’s something I don’t want to do/ am anxious about. Along with put your big girl pants on and have a can of man the fuck up!!

I can see that might work for a phobia but those of us with cptsd aligned anxiety asking that question itself is a bad idea. Because my answer to that is being raped and this time he kills me.

Totally agree OP. If someone thinks the best way is to avoid the thing/situation making them anxious they’ll never develop skills to address the situation themselves. They’ll just avoid everything that makes them anxious and end up doing nothing.

A friend of mind is psychotherapist who specialises in phobias. One of the first things he asks is ‘what is the worst that could happen” (when faced with tge phobia’ and manages the fears initially. He then exposes the person to the phobia in a managed environment. It helps because it puts them back in control of the situation rather than it controlling them.

I find it helpful now when I’m anxious about something to actually think what is making me anxious and then finding strategies to address them including making back-up plans.

My anxiety is triggered by trauma around a particularly violent rape, and sexual assault which was the culmination of months of stalking, obsessive behaviour.
In your opinion what exposure do I need?
what tips can you give me?

Yep agreed - what gets people over their anxiety is being exposed in a manageable way and nothing bad happening, and then graded exposure up until you can manage the big thing. Unmanaged exposure (“throwing them in at the deep end”) is likely to cause a panic attack and set them back even further.

DS gets terrible stage fright. Should he be allowed to sit out of school plays, definitely not. Should he be thrown in at the deep end and given a main solo to sing? Also definitely not - a small one-line speaking role which he manages well is plenty, and gives him more confidence for next time.

I haven’t described my triggers here. On purpose. But in case you’re interested @Passaggressfedup I can feel a panic attack rising by the effort not to think about what happened. My breathing is rapid, and at the same time I feel like I can’t breathe and I’m sweating.

you asked me what my triggers are without thinking what that could do to me. Not so long ago I would have been self harming being asked that question and it’s still a battle not to

please don’t dismiss people as easily as you are doing here. Please stop with the just push through narrative. Exposure. You could do untold harm.

Sure. You just have to pull yourself together when you have a mental health condition. 🙄

wow

I get what you’re saying. I think a lot of people are being obtuse.

A lot of us have experienced traumatic events and anxiety is expected. Some of us will be able to overcome. I think if a person can recognise the triggers, routine exposure to these triggers creates resilience.

In cases of sexual assault, exposure to being in the company of men (obviously not the person responsible) if being in a man’s presence causes anxiety, or exposure to being out alone etc.

School refusers - exposure to school environment, be it out of school hours, or in the company of friends/ teachers in small doses has helped children I know get back to school when they thought it would never be possible. Yes - maybe your child hasn’t made it back to school but that isn’t the case for all school refusers.

@Octavia64’s posts about anxiety about harm, which I think could be described as trauma, is very very different and is one I’ve never been able to fully overcome.

You literally said 'What triggers the anxiety for you?' in response to @Taztoy . Whether you intended her to think and share, or whether you were pointing to the starting point of therapy, it was inviting her to think about her triggers, when you have no idea if she was in a place or state of safety with appropriate supportive measures.

This isn't armchair stuff.

What tosh!

Just because handling it the way you describe does not work for many it does not mean they will be subjected to a life of overwhelm and helplessness. Far from it.

Definitely controlled exposure- I think it’s most likely to work if the individual WANTS to overcome it. That’s the first barrier.

The second can be to understand how physical anxiety presents in the body and separate and then tackle that from the thoughts.

I also think context matters; being terrified of the motor way and trying to over come by driving on it could potentially go horribly wrong if you’re so worried that it actually affects you driving.

I used to dread giving assemblies when I first started teaching till one day it was my turn but somehow id missed that.

All the teachers left and it was me with 240 primary kids.

I had to literally barble something meaningful and make up a prayer for 10-15 mins off the top of my head. Was never afraid of assemblies again.

No, the thread shows that having done something once yourself doesn't qualify you to come along and lecture others on how to do it, nor berate parents for doing it "wrong."

Good for you that you've overcome your anxiety - I mean that genuinely. But don't presume to think that you know how to fix it in everyone, or their kids. Look up the Dunning-Kruger effect.

People are reacting like this because everyone and their dog seems to know how to "cure" anxiety and people are sick to the back teeth of ill-informed "advice." It's like when parents have one 10-month old and then start pontificating to everyone else on how parenting should be done!

I think this comes from the idea that the anxiety is irrational as in its silly to be afraid of the dark as dark doest harm you.

But some anxiety is rational. I am anxious to put my hand in a fire as it would hurt. Gradually exposing myself to fire wont change that.

Somes peoples anxiety is based on sensory dysregulation for instance. You actually have to work on thing like proprioception and interception not just exposure.

That’s because some people have anxiety so severe they can’t just get over it by ‘facing their triggers’

That is one of the most heartless comments I think I’ve ever read on here.

Any danger of you elaborating on what you want people with generalised anxiety to expose themselves to?

Thank you.

Have you banged your head so hard against a wall you’ve a bruise?

curled up in a ball in a disabled toilet in extreme distress. Can’t describe what I did. It would be deleted.

punched yourself when in violent meltdown and blacked your eye?

clawed your skin all over until you’re bleeding?

scratched and tore at your vulva and vagina until it too is bleeding?

seriously sat and planned how you’re going to end yourself?

ive done all that and worse.

And you expect me to believe you’ve done that?

all because you don’t want to chair a meeting?