Parent gave my child medicine without my consent

Of course you're over thinking it. You should be grateful she looked after your daughter properly. Would you have said no if she had phoned? Thought not 😏

A child who will be going to secondary school after the summer is old enough to know whether they are allergic to common over the counter analgesics. If they are not, that’s a failure in parenting. It’s also not good for kids of that age to feel their parents need to hover in the background for everything. They should be starting to spread their wings in safe environments.

I feel pretty confident that those saying otherwise have younger children and don’t realise how much things change between 5 and 10.

If I had been the host I might have fired off a text to the OP to make her aware (without mentioning it to the child), but that’s all.

I would've done a quick whatsapp if it had been me. Another parent asked me about sun cream for mine which was lucky as mine can only use one sort without getting a rash.
I don't understand why you are saying "I fully hope I am overthinking this". Either you are OK with it or you are not, surely you will not be swayed with mumsnet response?

I would have contacted the parent before giving a child medication but I also couldn’t get too worked up over it either. The only way it would have been an issue is she was allergic, in which case I’m sure you’d have mentioned it. Or if she was given too
much, unlikely if she was there for the night and the mum knew when the last one had been administered.

At the end of the day it’s nurofen - over the counter children’s medicine. It was obviously given with good intentions and I don’t really see any obvious harm. Perhaps if you want to open up a convo about it you could msg the mum saying ‘dd said she’d been unwell with earache last night, I hope it was all ok?’ At which point she’ll probably mention the medicine and you can tell her not to do it again. I’d not be expecting another invite if you do that though.

What time did your daughter need the medication?

Wow. A ‘thanks for looking after my child’ would be a more appropriate response here.

She will be starting secondary school next school year!
At what age would you expect a child to be aware of its medical conditions and what, if anything, they should not take?
A phone call would have been courteous, but if a child has any medical or other allergies, I would expect a parent to mention it when they are dropped off.

My two kids (7 and 10) would know if they could have calpol or nurofen and if they’d had a recent dose they would tell the adult so as not to be given too much. Up to perhaps 9 at night I’d maybe appreciate a text to check in that they could have it but afterwards I’d want the parents managing the sleep over to use their judgement and give if required.

But even if it were prior to 9pm and they didn’t message I wouldn’t be annoyed/upset- just pleased they were able to act appropriately and treat the symptoms. With ear ache I’d expect them to check the child felt well enough to stay and perhaps ask if they felt warm/shivery and take their temp. Basically to risk assess as you would with your own child and act accordingly.

Just don't let your child stay overnight anywhere again without informing the presumably responsible adult you left them with to not administer pain relief without your prior approval. Hopefully you did explain any allergies your child has beforehand. I certainly wouldn't have a problem with an adult making a decision like that in my absence, If I'd already had the presence of mind to lay the ground rules. I'm assuming your child is not harmed.

I think in this day and age of always being available, we've lost the ability to understand the concept of a village and of chilren being cared for by other people, possibly somewhat differently to how we would care fo rthem, but always with good intentions.

I mean, where do you draw the line? if she fell and needed an ambulance do you call the parents first? If she's cut herself and you want to give her first aid, do you call the parents first?

What about for other things? if she behaves badly, do you get a call before she gets told off? If the children want to play in the paddling pool and she doesn't have a swimsuit do you have to get a call to get permission for her to play in her underwear?

30 years ago, a parent looking after your child while on a sleepover would 100% be considered the responsible parent because there would be no assumption the actual parent could be reached.

I also wonder if people who are so anti this have a 10 year old. becaues of course a 10 year old is perfectly competent to ask and explain about basic medications, allergies etc. I tell people about DD's lactose intolerance but emphasise that it's mild and that frankly, they should feel free to be guided by DD - if she wants to risk a stronger reaction, that's on her.

I really couldn't get excited over it. At age 10, I would have expected my child to have sent me a message if they were unsure of whether they could have taken the medication or not . Otherwise, not a big deal.
In 3 months it's likely your child will be at secondary school - mine were getting the train to school and navigating bus time tables. I think giving more independence and authority may help.

If I was determining a child's competency to take ibuprofen I'd be asking questions about whether the child was asthmatic and whether they had had ibuprofen before. I'd also only be assessing it in the absence of being able to ask someone with parental responsibility. I'm not sure it applies here.

I’d likely contact the parent but equally I wouldn’t be bothered if they didn’t contact me. Actually I remember one of my kids getting stung by a bee at someone’s house and the mum did contact me, but defintely after she had done it, to say they had given some piriton. I was just pleased she had looked after mr child so well

Bit dramatic !

I could not get worked up over another parent giving my child ibuprofen at a sleepover for an earache - especially if it was late at night. I would be thanking them for looking after her properly. If you don't want the person looking after your child to provide basic medical care if needed, you should say so. Obviously something outside basic medical care - like melatonin or a strong painkiller - is wildly different.

To me, if it’s bad enough for a painkiller then it’s really quite sore and potentially the child has an ear infection. So if before midnight, I would call the parent and we would make a judgement call from there re. medicine and also re. whether they should go home.

But after midnight, barring a major incident, I would consider myself in charge of keeping the child comfortable until morning. I would give a painkiller if the child told me they had had it before without issue.

I would have made a note of the dosage and time and told the parent in the morning / asked the child to pass on the note.

Agree that by 10 most would know if they have allergies. Mine will automatically respond “pencillin” to being asked if they have allergies in a restaurant - despite me reminding them every time that they mean food allergies 😂

I would drop the parent a text to ask in advance for paracetamol/ibuprofen. But if it was the middle of the night etc I’d be focussed on making the child comfortable if they didn’t answer, so would most likely
go ahead and give it if it was really needed.

I think as there was no malice/ill will, I’d probably just mention it politely if a play date /sleepover comes up again.

Exactly. You'd tell the other person if they had a good allergy, after all.

Some people are far too over bearing. Is it any wonder some kids seem arrogant when their parents behave this way.

I would give a child something if they had a sore ear and not even think about it. I would expect a ten yr old to say if they have an allergy to something, they aren't toddlers.

I’d personally have no issue with this but I would also always phone a parent first as I could understand some people would.

It’s not something I’d make a point of raising after the event but if she goes again you could mention to mum to call you if any problems and not to give her medication without checking first.

What’s nuts is that you wouldn’t tell a parent in loco parents your child can’t have ibuprofen.

You don’t need a full medical history. Just the basics.

id say its neglectful not to protect your child with sharing this simple information.

Surely your risk assessment would say that you can give these without Hving to ring a parent? Ours does!

Why would you need to tell someone your child is allergic to ibuprofen unless they’re expected to give her medicine?

In this case it’s been ok but it’s a big risk to give a child medication without knowing about allergies.

Also if my child was feeling unwell, I might want to collect them.

3 am? I’d be so so pissed off if you called to ask me about giving a low dose of ibuprofen to a 10 year old! At what age do you cease to take this ridiculous approach? Would you call the parents of a 15 year old at 3 am to ask if you can give them a paracetamol? As for parents who don’t want their kids having any painkillers, yes I was brought up by two such twats who would rather their kids suffered than give them something to relieve the pain because they “don’t believe in taking painkillers”. I’d have loved it if a friend’s parent gave me some pain relief when needed. Instead I had to wait until I was old enough to buy them myself.

Completely agree.