It’s a wedding one…

I absolutely disagree I’m afraid.

If the bride can’t afford the costs involved with having bridesmaids then she either shouldn’t have them at all (if she wants to dictate the dress / aesthetic) or she needs to have zero expectations that they PAY for the dress / hair / make up. If it’s on their own dime, the bridesmaids should be able to wear whatever they want as long as it’s appropriate thereby giving them the choice to either wear something they already own / can borrow or to buy a dress that suits them (style, budget, ability to be worn again); they also should be given the choice to do their own hair and make up if they wish - anything else is unreasonable in my opinion.

If the bridesmaids want to voluntarily take on any costs then that’s great but it shouldn’t be expected nor should the bride be dictating how they spend their money.

Bride and Groom
Bride and Groom if expecting something fancy or specific
Guests

We paid for outfits, they did their own hair and makeup. Guests paid for their own hotels rooms.

if you are insisting people stay or wanting specific styles then I would pay.

You need to say no, this is unbelievably cheeky from the bride. If they can’t afford to cover bridesmaid costs, they should have less/no bridesmaids or economise elsewhere. I’m all for a budget wedding, if that’s what’s needed or wanted, but expecting a good friend (several good friends, actually!) to be ££££ out of pocket because of your demands is so wrong.

I think I’d just say to the bride that you can’t afford all this.

The b&g should be paying for your dress and hair and makeup imo, and probably your room as you really need the two nights if you’re bridesmaid

these bloody remote location weddings are a total pain in the arse!

Some brides have mastered the art of spending other people's money. Tell her you can't afford it.

When DD got married last year, her and her fiance paid for bridesmaids dresses, hair, make up and dress alterations. They paid for groomsmen suit hire and bought the ties. Everyone wore their own shoes, no rules, whatever you have is fine.

They did also pay for the hotel the night before for the wedding party, but not the night of, as some guests could go home and others could stay cheaper close by.

“etiquette doesn’t trump what someone can actually afford”

Manners and consideration for others absolutely trump what someone can actually afford. It is not the job of bridesmaids, groomsmen or guests to subsidise someone else’s dream wedding… If you can’t afford matching dresses/suits or professional hair and make-up then you simply don’t have them!

They should be paying for your dress, the choice of whether to have hair and make up done should be yours - I always think it looks rubbish anyway as you know what suits you best. I would expect to pay for my own accommodation though.

• Bridesmaid dresses and groomsmen suits

• Bridesmaids hair and makeup

• Hotel rooms for guests (if wedding venue is 2+ hours away for most, and in remote location)

i ended up paying more for my sisters wedding than she did herself (ie for her own wedding!) My dad paid all her bills, but I ended up paying for my own bridesmaids dress and make up and accommodation!

on other occasions where I was bridesmaid, in one the bride paid for the dress, on the other I did. It varies, but accommodation I always covered. I have shared rooms with other single women to reduce costs though.

I think etiquette is if they are insisting on a certain dress B&G pay. I think it’s reasonable to give a colour scheme for bridesmaids to wear their own dress which they would have to pay for. Could you send the bride photos of cheaper options?

If the B&G can’t afford hair and make up for all bridesmaids then it should be optional. Just tell the bride you can afford it and will be doing your own.

For accommodation, I think it’s gracious and should be the done thing that bridesmaid accommodation is organised, however it sounds like this will be out of their budget. The B&G should be trying to match people up in the wedding party to lessen costs. Also, if it is country hotel style, they often get a discount code for block bookings so check this out.

Obviously that poster is saying that they shouldn’t get married if that is their only standard of wedding.

If you can’t afford to cover the costs of a wedding, then get married in a registry office. But in no way should op have to be covering these costs.

Op I would suggest being honest with the bride, even if it means you have to back out of being a bridesmaid.

They are being incredibly cheeky and unfair.

I had 2 bridesmaids and I paid for their dresses and hair. They preferred to do their own makeup. And i also paid for their hotel for the night before. (Just for my bridesmaids, not for other guests).

B& G
B& G
guests. I mean wedding are going to be a trek for many unless they all live in one area. All but one wedding I’ve been to involved an overnight stay and I’ve always paid for myself.

Hi lovely is you can’t afford it speak to the bride , sure she will understand? X

Then don’t.

If you can’t afford to be a bridesmaid tell them, so they can transfer the “honour” to someone who can. It’s very cheap to expect bridesmaids to cover their own costs when they’re actually fulfilling a role for the bride.

You shouldn’t have to worry about this, speak up and put yourself out of this misery.

I agree, the bride needs to be more flexible.

If a bride can't afford to pay for the bridesmaids dresses/hair/make up, then she needs to have either fewer bridesmaids, or tell the bridesmaids to wear what they want, and be ok with them doing their own hair and make up. It's not fair to put any bridesmaid in a position that they can't afford.

I think it's fine for guests to pay for their own room, as long as there are other options available, such other nearby, cheaper hotels, or if it's not too far to travel home again. Or for the bride and groom to be understanding that not everyone will want to attend if they have to fork out a lot of money to stay.

As a bridesmaid they should be covering all your costs.

In your shoes I’d probably suck up buying the dress but refuse the hair and makeup and I’d stay at a cheap hotel or bnb nearby. Definitely no other single women who would want to room share?

dress, hair and makeup should be paid for by the bride and groom. Accommodation is usually the guest pays. Other countries have very different etiquette - bridesmaids buy their own dresses I believe.

Exactly!

Suits & dresses: bride & groom pay
Hair & make up: bride & groom pay
Accommodation costs: you pay

Oh they can get married but don’t have the audacity to ask people to be bridesmaids and groomsmen if they’re not going to cover their costs.

I'm sorry op 😢 you'll just have to be honest with your friend and hopefully they'll offer to pay for you ❤️ you're not being unreasonable xx