It’s a wedding one…

Just tell the bride this.

Standard etiquette is that the bride pays for your dress and makeup. If the bridal party are also required to be staying in a particular venue then imo she should also pay for that as you don't have the option to choose somewhere cheaper.

Conversely the hens should pay for the hen party and often it is bridesmaids who wind up covering costs of extras.

I absolutely wouldn't pay hundreds of pounds to be one of 8-10 bridesmaids (with a similar number of groomsmen) in an American-style wedding photo.

Of course you shouldn’t pay for the make up because she wants some insta person. Just say no and you can’t afford it. Time to be assertive OP or use your words (hate that phrase!)

I have to pay for my own bridesmaid dress for a wedding next month. The brand, colour and length is fixed but we can choose the style we want- I’m pretty unhappy about it. One of the other bridesmaids had our bride as one of her bridesmaids last year and did the same thing but the other times I’ve been bridesmaid, the cost has been covered so it’s not the norm.

When I wrote that, I didn't realise OP was being told she had to have the £70 dress etc....
The bride is being unreasonable in OPs scenario.

I was a bridesmaid, I was told to just wear whatever dress I wanted that was black, no worries. Then she decided she wanted to pick them, £200 each (20 years ago) and that we were paying..annoying.
Then I find out they had paid for all the groomsmen suits...really fucking annoying, shit like this made me get married abroad without any of the wedding politics! Good luck.

My dd has been a bridesmaid numerous times and never bought her own dress. As far as hair and make up goes, the bride pays if she’s insisting you get it done by the professional.

Hotels, there’s not much you can do about that cost. Could your family give you a lift if you weren’t having your hair done at the venue?

If so, I’d have a quiet word with the bride about the costs and either do your own hair/make up so you don’t have to be there so early, or ask if you can be last in the queue so you can get a lift? The hair and make up by the professional shouldn’t be obligatory, especially if you’re expected to pay.

Re accommodation- have you checked air bnb? We are going to a wedding away from home in the summer and the local hotels are all expensive. We booked a room on air bnb (just an en suite in someone’s house, a nice middle aged lady with good reviews 😂) and it’s £55.

I paid for my bridesmaids dresses but asked if they wanted their hair or make up done that they paid for it. I didn’t mind if they had it done or not! I think it was about 50/50 in the end, some paid for make up but not hair, some paid for hair but not make up etc. I think I paid for the hotel too but I can’t remember!

I'm old - so my opinion may not be that relevant.

If you expect people to wear what you want them to wear/look how you want them to look, you pay for it.

Weddings are not just about the bride and groom, they are also about the family and friends who are to be invited as well, so you don't deliberately choose somewhere that you know a lot of them won't be able to afford, or you give them the option to stay somewhere less expensive. (Yes, darling stepdaughter.... looking at you. Your choice to have your wedding in Mauritius meant that none of your family could attend)

When I was first married you cut your coat according to your cloth... meaning that if you couldn't afford to buy bridesmaids dresses etc. for 6 adult bridesmaids you didn't have 6 adult bridesmaids! And it certainly wasn't necessary to insist on bridesmaids attending a hotel early to have hair and make-up done professionally.

We were poor. I had one child bridesmaid.

If I was asked to be a bridesmaid and expected to pay for a dress, hair, make-up and accommodation chosen by the bride, and which I knew I would find very difficult to afford, I would have to decline.

I have been a bridesmaid 7 times.
Never paid for dress or hair and makeup.
Always paid for accommodation.

Normally didn't stay for 2 nights in the hotel just came along on the day

I am a bridesmaid in a few weeks. The bride has bought my dress but asked if we want hair and make up done we pay for our own. She has 8 bridesmaids. She’s paid for our stay in the hotel the night before the wedding but if you want to stay night of then you pay. I’ve booked a cheaper room elsewhere. It’s a large wedding with over 200 guests and 2 ceremonies ( the groom is African)

Just tell your friend you can't afford it then and ask if you can just come as a guest.

I don't think there's any firm rule.

Our wedding -we paid for the dresses/suit hire and make up. Bridesmaids did their own hair. Didn't require accommodation but I don't think you need to cover this as a bride as long as plenty time to budget.

I've been a bridesmaid where I've bought my own dress but we all had different dresses and could pick (colour theme matched). Bride paid hair & make up.

Also been a bridesmaid and bride covered everything including weekend accommodation.

OP I think in this case your friend shouldn't have bridesmaids if they can't afford to cover some if the cost. Hard position.

We paid for everything; dress (and I let BM choose her own dress/colour because I wasn't fussed), makeup etc. We also paid for accommodation. If the bride wants you to stay at a specific hotel, she pays. Otherwise you find yourself a cheaper alternative if there is one.

Honestly? At >£500+ this is a ridiculous spend, and I'd back out.

It is up to you - we bought the bridesmaids dresses and groomsmen suits. The dresses were from Monsoon and suits from Next, so fairly cheap. Due to the time of year we also bought them shawls/wraps and umbrellas. We paid for the bridesmaids hair but no make up - I also did my own, and instead looked at it as a learning opportunity to buy quality make up.

We got married in my (northern) village church and had the reception a few miles away. The vast majority of our guests travelled and needed to stay overnight but we did not pay for accommodation. We signposted to local Premier Inn/Travel lodge etc and to local taxi companies. There were 10 rooms at the reception venue, where we prioritised the wedding party then friends who had arrived on trains/flown in from Europe so did not have cars they could leave at other hotels. I have never been to a wedding where the accommodation was paid for by the couple getting married, including when I have been maid of honour, or the reception was in remote "pricey" hotels.

I’d be mortified if I was putting that kind of expense on a friend. If she’s a proper friend you’ll be able to talk to her and explain. If she’s not a
proper friend, why are you spending so much money? Don’t go.

Bride and groom for all of those in my experience.

What do you personally feel about the wedding - do you still want to go but maybe as a guest? Or dip out altogether due to costs, or try and make things work?

Have you checked all options, would a taxi be cheaper than the hotel, if booked in advance?

You don't have to have bridesmaids and ushers so if you can't afford to pay for their outfits and hair etc then don't have them. It is so rude to expect someone to pay to have a role in your wedding.

We paid for all outfits, hair, makeup, shoes etc. We also paid for hotel rooms for bridesmaids, ushers and our parents the night before.

We got married where we live, which is where my husband is from, and is 60 miles from where I'm from. So we put on transport for my family and friends to bring them over and take them back home. Because again, I think its rude to expect people should be delighted to travel for your wedding.

Could you do your own hair and makeup, why does it have to be a certain make up artist, no one is going to notice on the photos you did your own. Is she known for being a bridezilla.

Did the bride tell you when she asked you to be a bridesmaid that you would have to pay for your dress, hair, and make-up? And give you a ballpark figure?

If I were you, I would have a quiet word and tell her that you were honored to be asked, but you can't afford it and you are respectfully withdrawing. You look forward to celebrating with her on the day as a guest...

Can you just go for the day, without staying at all?
Or just stay the night of the wedding?

Out of interest, how many bridesmaids is she having?

I would say:

Bridesmaids dresses and groomsmen suits: bride and groom - unless they tell people that they can wear whatever they like.

Bridesmaids’ hair: bride and groom.

Bridesmaids’ make up: bride and groom if they want everyone to look professionally made up.

Hotel rooms for guests: guests.

I agree with those who said that the bride and groom should match their wedding to their budget. If they can’t afford to pay for 6 bridesmaids’ dresses, they should just have 1 or 2 bridesmaids.

@PartyOnPlatformOne you are going to have to politely decline being a bridesmaid. That’s all ridiculous!

If you can’t afford to pay for the outfits and makeup have fewer bridesmaids and groomsmen.

id expect to pay for my own room ….but id be annoyed if there were no cheaper options near by.

if you are the b&g then totally it up for guests with family etc or single people and have a long hard think about whether you’d pay that to attend a wedding….

Or if you can't afford the suit decline the offer.