It’s a wedding one…

Just seen your update, I would just be very honest with and say you just can’t afford to be a bridesmaid. For the record I feel she should have known that you wouldn’t be able to afford it! My cousin and her 2 daughters were my bridesmaids and I knew full well I couldn’t ask her to pay for their dresses and hair & makeup so we factored those costs into our budget as I wanted them by my side on the day!

We paid for bridesmaids dresses, we chose the colour they chose the style they liked.
Groomsmen we just asked for a blue suit which they all had already except my brother who was adamant his grey suit was blue! It was one of my 2 bridezilla moments so we got him a cheap blue suit from Asda and added it to our wedding budget!
We paid for bridesmaids hair & makeup
Guests all paid for their own rooms.

As the bride with agreement from the groom. I considered the financial circumstances of the individuals.
Accommodation was a set price for the property on the grounds. As the Bride and Groom we had to foot the bill for the house. We divided the costs per room. Some guests have executive level salaries. We added an additional £20 each to their rooms to help cover the cost for other guests. Those travelling at a distance of two hours or more were offered the accommodation first. The night before the wedding I stayed at a local hotel, We funded the accommodation cost for bridal party and my friend travelling from outside the UK.
Matron of Honour choose to fund her own dress, her and her husband paid for their accommodation. This was their choice (we offered to pay for the dress).
Bridesmaid (a) and flower girl (did) Bridesmaid (b) we funded the dresses, shoes, coats and some of the travel expenses.
My MUA, did kindly include Bridesmaid (a) as MIL did her own make-up. We would have happily funded the MUA to do Matron of Honour and Bridesmaids. Bridesmaid (b) did her own make-up.
Hair (was a little different for us) Bridesmaid (b) is my hairdresser and did my hair (yes she was paid her usual fee, we would never have accepted her not being paid). However, she did not charge for flower girl or Bridesmaid (a) who had a simple bun style.
Our view was if we request our Bridesmaids to wear particular dresses then we fund them. I was fortunate that the dresses we agreed as collective were from Coast and all ladies are happy with the choice and said they would wear them again. The flower girls dress is to be made into a bear for her to treasure. All costs were factored into the wedding planning and budget.

The cheek of asking you to be bridesmaid, then expecting you to pay. Of course the B&G should pay for your dress, and hair and makeup if they want you to use the ones they've chosen.
Accommodation I would probably pay for myself.

You need to tell the bride. If you’re close enough to her to be a bridesmaid, then you’re close enough to let her know you aren’t able to spend what she’s expecting you to.
I think it’s unreasonable for BM to pay for their own dress / hair / makeup unless it’s been discussed and fully agreed before hand (so, small wedding on a tiny budget and the BM’s are able to afford it with no issues plus have a say in the actual dress and it’s cost)

Rooms - I would expect to have to pay for this, but would see if there are any other single women whom I could share so split the cost with.

I've never been to a wedding where my accommodation was paid for. I've always paid for it myself.

Bride and groom pay for BM's clothes, hair and make-up if they are dictating what they need to have.

My BMs were encouraged to wear clothes they already had (two of them did) and do their own hair and makeup (three of them did). One chose to use my hairdresser so she paid for her own hair. If there are no particular clothing, hair or makeup requirements I think it's reasonable for the bride and groom not to pay.

When my friends got married, the hotel rooms were part of the package, but the couple actually then charged guests more to stay in them than the hotel usually did.

The responses on this thread about the bride and groom subsidising the rooms reminded me of this and made me laugh. My friends did the opposite!

Yeah, I suppose it works both ways.

Unfortunately though, I think most would say yes not even considering having to pay for the outfit. I’d feel had and really put out!

This notion of bridesmaids paying for their own dress, hair and makeup is an import from American weddings where the wedding business is an unbelievable money-squandering endeavour. Couples spending just outrageous amounts of money, far beyond their means. Bridesmaids in the states also have the "honour" of being expected to pay for hugely expensive destination bachelorette parties, covering what is essentially a full Carribbean holiday for the bride. Plus paying for the bridal shower closer to home.
I think there are some UK brides looking at Reddit, US wedding websites and blogs etc and getting sucked into the notion that the most important consideration for their wedding is making it Instagram-worthy.
It's definitely not a tradition I'm keen to see established here.
I've had my makeup done by a professional makeup artist when I've been a bridesmaid, the bride paid. They plastered it on with a trowel, false eyelashes the lot. I couldn't stop giggling every time I made eye contact with my husband but told the bride how much I loved it of course (it was much more her usual look).

I let my bridesmaid choose her own dress- colour and style- and I paid for it.
Paid for her dress to be altered, paid for shoes, hair, make up, room the night before- pretty much everything I could.
If people want an Instagram style wedding then they need to pay for it.
Im very traditional so I don’t think that bridesmaids should ever have to pay for their own dresses, ergo groomsmen shouldn’t pay for suit hire.
Guests at a wedding shouldn’t be responsible for paying for the brides dream wedding. It’s tacky as fuck imho.
@PartyOnPlatformOne in your shoes I would decline the invite and say I can’t afford to be your bridesmaid so please give the honour to someone else.

Then you cut your cloth to fit your budget.

If you expect people to wear what you decide and have the make up you decide then you pay for it and cut down on bridal party to fit your budget.

The bride and often parents should pay for your outfit. And hair and makeup.

And personally I think your accommodation too. You are a bridesmaid. So one of the bridal party.
It should not cost you a penny.

The only time I have seen bridesmaids / groomsmen expected to pay for themselves is when they haven’t been given anything specific to wear. So just asked to wear a dress of x colour.

If they’re asking someone to wear a specific thing they should be paying.

I’ve never been to a wedding where the accommodation was paid for and I’ve been to some weddings by some very rich people. That being said I paid for my MOH room because she was the only single person at my wedding and it was expensive. I had a tiny wedding so also was the only person getting my hair and makeup done because I couldn’t be arsed with all of the getting ready faff, but I paid for her to get her hair done too as she mentioned she’d like it done.

If I expected her to get both her hair and makeup done I would be paying.

The other 3 bridesmaids are ‘happy’ with it (obviously one can’t really complain because it’s what she did) and it feels insanely petty to pull out because of it. I’d rather suck up the cost so I can A. Avoid a huge fallout and B. support my friend on her big day.

pretty much this for me too. The best man wore his own suit. My only bridesmaid was a family child. The church and the reception venue were local to me and nobody needed a hotel.

If you aren't happy then why do it?

ah....no that's not on. Baseline so far as the wedding party is concerned, who calls the tune pays the piper. If it was me I would decline the "honour"

OP, if you don’t want to pay then tell the bride and groom. It’s crazy to be struggling to pay but not to say anything. If she is a good enough friend to be a bridesmaid for then she is a good enough friend to be able to talk to. Just drop out.

Ideally bride should pay for bridesmaids dresses, also hair and makeup if she wants bridesmaids to have hair/makeup done to match.

I don’t think bride and groom should have to cover accommodation costs. If it’s too expensive for guests then they can just decline or stay at a cheaper hotel further away.

It’s perfectly acceptable to say, thanks for asking me to be bridesmaid but I can’t afford that. I’m happy to just be a guest. Then the ball is in their court.

Its 2026! Not everyone wants bridesmaids and ushers in the same cheesy dresses and suits.
And “bridal” hair and makeup absolutely can be ditched. What if the bride doesn’t wear make up. Most women can do their own hair surely and each others.

I think either the B&G should pay for the dress/hair etc if they want a certain look. Or they should let you wear what you want and do own make up if they expect you to pay.

mad to prescribe certain a things and not offer to pay. I think that’s really selfish

I think you just have to tell them OP. Don’t get into debt over some insta make up. A wedding should be about love - not a fashion parade.

B&G
B&G
guests.

Dressed and suits - the bride and groom
Hair and makeup - depends if the b&g are happy for bridesmaids to do their own. If not they should pay. If a choice then it’s fine to offer as an option.
hotel room - I’d say the guest.