It’s a wedding one…

Bride and groom for the first two.

Accomodation is guests BUT only if there is choice in where they stay. We went to a wedding in the middle of nowhere, the hotel the wedding was at was the only place to stay unless we wanted to fork out £50 in a taxi. The bride and groom subsided the guests rooms and guests were invited to "pay what you can".

This

I wouldn't consider the bride a friend or care about the fallout. No friend does that to another friend.

There's no law... So what suits you best

Yes. Again not a huge choice in a small remote town. Food was cheap though and the wedding itself was incredible. Far better than a UK wedding for a third of the cost for the bridge and groom.

Totally. It's in my book, ridiculous.

I'm the older generation band until now only being part of a small family, I had no idea a bridesmaid paid for everything was I have just read.. It's not an honour if you have to pay out like this.. Actually never heard of it..I agree. Go as a guest in something you already own..

This ⬆️.

It really does mean the B&G are being unreasonable.

The B&G need to plan a wedding they can afford, not the one they would like to have but can only afford if they push the cost onto other people.

I had this @PartyOnPlatformOne.

Honestly say youncannot afford this and need to declined the "honour" of being Bridesmaid and go as a regular guest or just dont go.

If you go wear something you already own and share a room with 1 or 2 mates.at a travellodge

It's crazy when you think about how cheap rooms in these chain hotels can be. A fraction of that cost!
Weddings abroad are very expensive - did you have to pay for accommodation as well as flights?

Amazing how many people get married at venues that charge £350 per night and reserve rooms for the wedding party.

One wedding abroad too, funnily enough that's the one we had to pay for dresses/suits!

What did you spend the £6k on?

I would have to decline explaining I simply couldn’t afford it

Then don't have bridesmaids and groomsmen if that's your view.

I had one year where weddings alone cost DH and I over £6k and that was with every bride and groom paying for our outfits if we were part of the wedding party!

Dresses and hair/make up should be paid by the bride/groom.

I think it would be nice to pay for 1 night's accommodation for bridesmaids that need to be there early in the day to get ready, but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect guests to pay for themselves for the night after the wedding.

Bridesmaid and groomsmen outfits plus hair and make up should be covered by the bride and groom. Equally if you're expected to stay at the accommodation the night before the wedding then the bride and groom should cover that too. Accommodation for the night of the wedding I would expect to cover that myself as a guest. You should only have the amount of bridesmaids you can afford to clothe.

She shouldn't have given "approval". She wasn't paying. Cheek.

You can't afford it.
Don't go.
The bride is massively selfish. That's £360 before the hairdresser cost.
£70 for make-up? Ludicrous.

In this position I would be sending a text to say, 'Sorry Sarah, I'm afraid I can't afford to be your bridesmaid, I hadn't realised that I was expected to cover the costs'.

This.

You shouldn't be out of pocket for supporting someone else's wedding.

Bride should NOT specify any particular outfit, hair stylist, or makeup artist if she’s not paying for it - that’s outrageous. Bridesmaids are doing you a favour, they shouldn’t be out of pocket for it. When my best friend got married she didn’t pay for bridesmaids, but let us choose our own dresses - subject to approval, which is fair, and we all did our own hair & makeup.

In this position I would be sending a text to say, 'Sorry Sarah, I'm afraid I can't afford to be your bridesmaid, I hadn't realised that I was expected to cover the costs'.

I wouldn't go, probably. If you can't afford £400 for the hotel rooms and for the cost of travel/drinks plus a wedding present I would gracefully decline. FWIW I couldn't afford to spend that amount on someone else's wedding, not matter how good a 'friend' they were.

We paid for bridesmaids dresses and grooms men’s suits. Paid for hair. They did own makeup.

We paid for close family’s accommodation.

If they can’t afford to pay for the outfits then they either don’t have bridesmaids or they relax the dress code so you use a dress you already have.

Accommodation - there should be a variety of options for all budgets.

Then, if after this, you can’t afford it then you say you can’t go.

sorry everyone, i literally butt-dialled the thread!

Dresses and suits we paid. My bridesmaid and I got our hair done together, I paid. We both did our own make-up.
We didn't pay for anyone's accommodation and I don't know anyone who did. We have been married 24 years so this all may have changed.