Stick your fundraiser - the hardest test will be leaving my children for so long

This reminds me of one of the wisest sayings I've ever come across (and actually remember word for word). It's a hard bit of medicine, but might come in handy in your situation, if you haven't heard it before:

'There is no virtue in charity.'

If i had proof or a relationship close enough to believe someone who said that I may feel different and contribute.

I am prepared to donate to the charity of someones choice for completing something. I am not prepared to fund their adventure. I dont like the idea of someone pursuing a passion or adventure and getting to do it cheap by dressing it up as charitable is all.

The acid test for if I'll give money is how much goes to the charity, if you raise £5K but only £2K goes to the cause then you've got no chance. If you want to be a hero then do something at home that improves your area, lots of people will give money for that without leaving your wive and children

OP has already said they have done several of these trips before, including one across Africa.

Even if it was his lifetime ambition, why does it have to happen when he has a newborn child and not a couple of years later?

The wife has been put on a guilt trip - she's not freely able to complain because he's doing it for charity and is a local hero...

The local charity would be a lot better off if he donated his pay for the 3-4 months -he can afford to give it up (instead of having unpaid leave)! But that would be a lot less fun for him and he wouldn't get all the adulation (unless he shouted about it, which he probably would!)

Fair enough, the poor woman was tricked into having the 6 year old, how did the other two children come to be? My vagina clamps shut in the presence of selfish wankers, especially anyone fundraising holidays away from their kids.

A male friend of mine was always doing ultramarathons, while his wife did all the parenting of their three children. She divorced him. He was absolutely heartbroken.

Can you imagine if a mum did that? There’d probably be a fundraiser for the poor bloke left to look after the kids while she’d be treated like a pariah.

You still have to question the "social value" of all those air miles. It's not as if cycling across Africa has any social use in itself whatsoever.

Wouldn't it be more use to that local charity if these heroes donated the cost of their air fares, hotels etc and stayed at home?

I've no issue with fund raising I'm doing a trek in July for Macmillan and have raised a few hundred pounds, all of which goes to the charity. I do however know a woman who is doing a multi day trek abroad for the 3rd year running for a charity. I refuse to sponsor her as only 50% of the money raised goes to the charity. She's struggling to get the minimum amount of sponsorship as everyone is fed up of every year been expected to donate money, attend fund raising events etc. She could afford to pay the minimum herself and then anything else raised would go to the charity but she chooses not to.

I had a relative travel somewhere overseas to raise money for some sort of travel. The entire family knew she only did it to get people to pay for her holiday. We suspect she hit up a rich uncle for money because she did go on the holiday.

It is an excuse for a vacation. It’s utterly disgusting a man doing this when he has young children at home.

You don’t know that. My friend went to
do various adventure walks and funded it all
himself, but gained sponsorship to raise money for a cause. He was explicit about that (or I’d not have given him anything!).

But this isn’t private behaviour at home, this is public behaviour that is being lauded about as exceptionally unselfish and ‘heroic’ where as the reality is that being at home would be much harder and require much more selflessness.

Because she's been pestered to cough up to acknowledge the wondrousness of this plan?

Why does starting a thread for discussion purposes have to mean you are "so invested"? If you don't want to contribute to the discussion, just move on.

I think these trips could be improved if there was some way of guaranteeing that all funds raised would go to the chosen cause, with the individual concerned covering their own expenses from their own pockets. So they're basically paying for their own adventure.

Yes I've never understood this kind of fundraising. I don't give a toss if you run a marathon, do a sky dive, climb a mountain or cycle across Africa. I would rather pay donations directly to charities that are important to me. Those activities are just your hobbies and provide no value to anyone else

That is so amazing. Hope you have the best time. How exciting also what a blessing DH organised all that for you.

Hmm I’m not sure op - it’s surely up to his wife whether she minds or not ?

I personally wouldn’t mind this - provided I can do something similar myself another time

I think it’s important to still do things you love and enjoy and things you did before you had a family.

im going away and leaving my 2 & 5 year old for a month to travel around India with my friend for my 40th birthday - my husband paid for it and and has lined up some extra childcare/ help to make it work so he can still manage to work and juggle everything at home

I agree. If they want to go then they should get a job and earn it.

I was at a sports event yesterday and even DH commented on the amount of women pushing a buggy with a picnic , dog lead in one hand and keeping an eye on another child running round. Whist the men did the sport and had beers and free food from the stands.
It’s getting better ( there were women’s teams although few seemed to have men and children on the sidelines) but I totally see your point OP.

I find the 'sponsor my teen' pleading on fb irritating beyond belief, said teen is 'going to Africa to help the children' , oh yeah, so what skills does your perfectly average teen have that will help 'the children'?
Literally every day advertising their funding page.

It’s not something I would have tolerated, especially when we had young children. I do think it’s a certain type of man who does these things. The women who marry them must know what they’re like before they have children with them surely? I don’t think it’s acceptable to leave for such a long period of time though. Very selfish, despite being dressed up as being for charity.

I remember seeing a documentary about Mark Cavendish and his wife talking about having a newborn and crying in their kitchen when he left for training camp. I felt desperately sorry for her. Of course it’s different in terms of it being a necessary part of his job, but it was difficult to watch.

But how much will actually go to the charity after all their trip expenses?
Surely it will be more beneficial if everyone donated directly to the charity and “Captain Do Good” funds his own fantasy ride in the charities name

Yes.

I always think these things are paying for soneone to have a free adventure.

If it was about charity the whole amount raised could go to the cause, instead its funding a 4 month trip he otherwise couldnt afford.

Id have no shame saying no, if I want to give to charity I like to see the charity spending the money on services or research not funding holidays.