Stick your fundraiser - the hardest test will be leaving my children for so long

I agree.

I don’t understand why she’s letting him go and why he thinks it’s ok to.

He’ll be leaving an 8 week old baby for 3/4 months as well as a 3 year old with additional needs and a 6 year old. What a prince. Surely the mum will be spread very thin. Poor her, and poor kids. Esp the oldest who in this scenario you’d assume would have to have less attention.

I feel like if a mum did this (leaving kids for 3-4 months for a fundraiser) they would be judged so harshly - including “the community”. It would be talked about for ages.

But men seem to manage it and are actually celebrated for it.

Dont know he could be diagnosed with an illness or uncertain future. Who knows thing is I am always happy for people to do what they want. Of Course if his wife isn't happy Im sure he is going to find out either way. none of our business. If she had come here and got upset that would be different I would support her thought process and try and get her to talk to her husband and find a solution

I always think that is a fucking cheeky

Why is it still a deal I’m trying to raise money for a charity?

We have one locally, about to take off on some long bike ride in Europe - I don’t think he’s been asking for money though. Dh however was banging on about what a great thing it is - for this man to indulge what is clearly a favourite hobby!

’I dare say his wife (two young children) is over the moon about being left with the kids, too,’ was my sole comment - since when dh has kept quiet about it.

LOL 🤣 I clearly had a food shop on my mind.

Round here there are multiple middle-class teens fundraising for guides/scouts trips abroad. Trying to raise thousands of pounds to go to India or Korea by doing cake sales and accosting people at school events with raffle tickets. These kids are, without exception, from very well off families.

Just fund your own holidays and leave me out of it.

😂

I think it means being charitable doesn't make you virtuous, because if you can do it (for someone in need) you should do it without expectation of things like admiration or sainthood. In OP's case, she could hurl it at her DH to take the wind out of his self-satisfied sails!

But it was in a book of spiritual teachings so yeh, sounds a bit obscure 😬

No you're grand. I'd happily donate to this. As others have said it's the ones who aren't transparent about whether the donations are to cover their costs before any money is passed on to the named charity that get me.

Bet there's no newborn involved. This isn't just a lengthy trip, it's a lengthy trip at a particular stress point.

I have an issue with being bombarded by sickly sweet ads from Alzheimer’s Society but that is a different subject.

Magically these holiday hobbys only start when children coming. Sadly my brother is like this, years ago he cycled the Fisherman's Trail in Portugal (although at least he didnt do the charity spin) leaving my SIL lumbered with three young children. He was never interested in cycling growing up/as a young adult.

Am NC with him now as he is a prized twat, but he's still married as his wife refuses to divorce him based on her Catholic faith.

This.
You see features on the likes of breakfast news about people of are venturing on months’ long fundraising expeditions around the world. They basically must be using the fundraising/sponsorship to pay their salary instead of working. So essentially they have found a way to get paid for doing their hobby!

I have an issue with people raising awareness/funds for dementia charities with time consuming activities, because their parent has dementia.

My Mum has dementia. What actually makes the difference to her is the time I spend with her. The people doing all the fundraising/awareness raising are detracting from the remaining precious time.

I can see the appeal of running off and spending time doing something else, but that doesn't benefit my Mum. There will be plenty of time for raising money for charity when she's gone.

Although I do have an issue with some dementia charities, but that's another thread...

I totally agree, I’m not paying for you to enjoy yourself!

I'm increasingly convinced that men aren't real. An awful lot of them seem to be a kind of ego led cardboard cutout, who performatively exist, shunning responsibilities and actual needs of their families in order to look good and artificially inflate their "selfless credibility".

All I get is cognitive dissonance though. They are actually in suspended development, leeching off the actual female adults who pick up the pieces.

And insulting and making presumptions about the locals when they prance off to fit a roundabout for a play park in Azerbaijan, or weave ropes to create pathways for crossing gorges in the mountains of Tibet, or to otherwise prove their manly usefulness by inserting it roughly into places they don't understand like some weird ominous reverse colonialist white knighting (showboating their "skills" that they can find literally zero applications for in their own world.)

I get you, op. It should be lovely! Helpful! Thoughtful! But it's actually very often weird and hollow and exploitative.

So true, one friend arranges her life around dh completing 4 or 5 day competitions. Often he's away for the same amount of time volunteering to secure his place in the next race. She works full time, 3 young kids. Another friends husband took up cycling when their second was born. He started commuting to work which added 45 mins to each commute. When she complained about not having support in the evenings he lectured her on how much petrol money he was saving. They're both doctors. Im fairly certain the cost of getting to work was never a huge concern for them. He now fills his weekends training for iron man competitions while she drives the kids to their various clubs.

I’m assuming he’s always been like this but she decided it was a good idea to have 3 kids with him so there’s that.

Eh?

The question was asked about whether Forces children forget their parents... yes my toddler did forget her father.
She also forgot she had forgotten him within a few weeks of him getting back.

Those blaming the wife for "not putting her foot down"... of she did she would be called controlling etc. You see it all the time ln here women being called out for "not allowing" their partner to play football, or take up running etc.

As for charity events like this.. why dont people just give money to the charity if fhey consider the charity worthy?

Surely it's everyone's business if they're being asked to donate to and fund this?

It annoys me when celebs go off and do things like run 7 marathons in 7 days without acknowledging that they have infinite resources to support it, so YANBU.

This changes things for me. How much do they raise for this charity? Is is the same charity they raise for with each event; is this charity reliant on these big events for fundraising and income? If so, I’d be donating and cheering them on. I’m sure the partners make plans for their absence well in advance.