Stick your fundraiser - the hardest test will be leaving my children for so long

Because marriage is a partnership, with respect and consideration on both sides. She shouldn’t have to resort to stopping him. Presumably she knew his character when she married him. He’s not suddenly turned into a self centred arse. If she married him knowing who he is, then I’m afraid that’s who she has accepted.

Well tbh, she needs to take at least 50% responsibility. Him: ‘Sweetheart, can I go on a three month jaunt abroad?’ Her ‘No. Stop being a twat - of course you can’t opt out of parenting and partnering for three months. What makes you think that’s acceptable?!’ All sorted….

Jesus. If a woman with a tiny baby, 3yo with SEN and 6yo decided to do this, well first she'd be publicly lambasted as a selfish cow, and the father left behind to hold the fort would have a string of people offering to help him, delivering casseroles to his door, nominating him for parenting awards etc.

Tbf I did one for my best friend who had a Brian tumour for her medical costs and was genuinely TERRIFIED. It wasn't on my bucket list at all but raised so much more because of this than if I'd just done a just giving.

Another friend did it with me and said it had always been her dream to do one AND accepted the money from my Dfriend when she very kindly but pointlessly transfered us both the money to cover the dive. I transferred it straight back telling her she was a twat, that's dipping into the money you need you maniac 😂

She died in 2024 but I'll never forget her other 'friend' doing that.

How is she supposed to stop him? He’s an adult. Of course she could divorce him but that’s not that easy and is unlikely to benefit the children, financially at least.

And to pretend she gets some reflected glory… No one is going to be patting her on the back. That’s just not how it works.

Of course we’re all judging by our own experiences but most of our experiences seem to show that women by and large are not taking three months off from the children for a vanity charity event. And if they did they wouldn’t be praised they’d be judged.

I get annoyed when people say they’re doing a charity skydive. No! You’re going skydiving and want it funded. If it’s genuinely for charity, just donate the money.

Exactly this!!

His employers might be getting some good publicity and social capital out of it. That’s what social value actually means I think.

Yes, it’s all her fault. Silly woman. 🤦🏻‍♀️

We have one locally - ex athlete. He says he's an inspiration!🤣
Every sentence starts with, 'I'. He ran 100 marathons last year all over the world but has 2 children with complex special needs that he leaves for weeks at a time. He was bitching that he hadn't been given a lifetime recognition award a few months back. The local community fawn round him, yet he's the most selfish man I know!

I know. Men are so often raised to hero status.

My husband was regularly away for weeks working abroad (staying in nice 5 star hotels and business class flights etc) including for weekends leaving me to do all the childcare even when I was ill. I was away one weekend leaving him alone with the kids. A couple we knew actually invited him round for Sunday lunch to ‘give him a break’ when they had NEVER invited me.

The double standards are infuriating.

And yes OP we shouldn’t be funding middle aged men’s hobbies out of our family budgets, especially those leaving their wives and kids to just get on with it. Let alone treating them as conquering heroes.

Friends husband was doing some mountain climb abroad years ago for a charity. He had to cough up £3k to be allowed to go expenses, accommodation.

It's scamming IMO.

Tbh, you’re treated how you allow yourself to be treated. Clearly his DW has given him the green light, or it wouldn’t be possible. Maybe she likes to be part of all the back slapping her dh gets, which also includes her by association. Maybe she doesn’t need anyone’s sympathy, nor does she want it. Who knows….

Why are people so keen to pretend the double standard women have to live up to doesn’t exist?

It’s there for anyone to see, check the SM comments of any woman who leaves their kids for a period of time, service personnel, mountaineers, astronauts, and you’ll see that double standard. In fact, just put “female astronaut” into google and see what the suggested searches are. Almost all of them involve children.

You don’t even have to look any further than MN. Any post by a woman suggesting she has a few days away from her children will see judgy comments about how “I could never leave my children for that long” despite the fact they are left with their father. You would absolutely never see that on a post by men talking about leaving their children. Great for her that your friend has done this. Great that her close friends have not expressed outrage. Hugely naive to think that at least two or three of her neighbours, friends, family etc haven’t kept a thought to themselves about “her poor kids”

Re Tim Peake - that was his job, and im sure Mrs Peake and the children would have been looked after.
Alison Hargreaves - makes me rage. She chose her hobby over her children.

I would love to see what would happen if the wife of this man suggested doing the same thing. Guarantee everyone would be saying how can she leave her young kids for that long and everyone would be offering endless support to the husband.

I do hope this man realises how crap and even non-existent African roads can be and that they will exact quite a toll on his bike.

Maybe present him with a puncture repair kit or two and send him on his way.

I love a quick retort like that to a sponsorship request. When asked to sponsor a colleague to do the Race for Life, I overheard the reply of “Why on earth would I pay you to walk a shorter distance than I walk to and from work every day?”, said with utter disdain. (Said colleague was definitely not intending to run any part of the ‘race’.)

Maybe he’s a useless dick at home and she’ll have an easier three months without him!

I’d like to think I’d be supportive of my DH doing things for charity but I’d be really pissed off with the timing. Even if it had been planned for a year and it was an unexpected pregnancy, I’d expect him to change dates tbh!

I wonder how much of the fundraising actually funds the trip, and whether they’d still do it even if they raised £10. (I originally thought you meant he was raising money to actually do the trip). I thought charity trips were supposed to involve some challenge or hardship, Ibiza in party season doesn’t sound too challenging to me

Totally with you OP.

i have a relative who is a keen cyclist, and he raised over £3000 for a local charity by doing an insanely difficult cycling challenge that he devised himself.

The difference was, it was done in the hills around a 30 mile radius of where he lives in the UK, and started at his back gate. it was completed over one day and all his kids are adults. All money raised went to the charity - he supplied all his own kit and food and some of us took time out to meet him at different points to do food and water drops.

you can use your hobby to raise money for a good cause without being a selfish prick and leaving your wife with three kids including a newborn.

Trying to raise money for charity? What a load of tosh. It’s a bloke clearing off from his wife and kids and doing something he loves.

Sponsoring people for this sort of thing is becoming a joke.

Maybe there is more to the story.

Maybe the wife is afraid that if she puts her foot down about this Africa jolly he’ll sulk and grumble and eventually bugger off anyway (permanently) on the basis that he’s “stressed, depressed” and things “aren’t how they used to be”.

She might’ve decided that agreeing to this fundraising nonsense is the lesser of two evils.

Surely this is some sort of joke? Most employers offer a couple of DAYS for this kind of thing, not months

He's a tosser of course, but you have to hand it to him: he's got the community paying while hailing him a hero, his employer giving up his services and his wife shouldering all the burden, and all this for some lads' jolly

Takes some rare persuasion skills, that ... or a bunch of complete saps

If I was diagnosed with a terminal illness, I'd be wanting to spend more time with my children, not less.

I hope his wife takes out agood life insurance policy on him before he leaves.

I also agree it is the height of selfishness to leave his wife at home alone with three young kids.