Stick your fundraiser - the hardest test will be leaving my children for so long

.... The divorce came out of nowhere....

Basically child abandonment with a sickly veneer of sanctimony. It's hideous.

I know people on here get annoyed when the Mail Online discusses Mumsnet threads but honestly in this case, I think it's an issue that does need to be talked about. Judging from the responses it seems to be a growing trend.

The interesting thing is how many people support these jolly’s and think they’re doing a wonderful thing rather than saying Christ Dave, do you really think it’s a great idea to leave your kids and post partum wife for 3 months for a hobby ride through one of the most dangerous places on earth?

I hate these trekking, marathon sponsorships.
Those who have funded, the flight, the equipment, the support team, the paperwork (yes there will be visas and bribes) should have just said to the charity, ‘Here you are and I’ll tell my tax man that £1000 has bought a nursing time/electric bed to use immediately’.
Meanwhile, Jon and his pub mates can cycle around the village duck pond, for the same distance it takes to get to Durban.

I marshal a motorbike events where the bikers pay to go on public roads to get from A to B and then donate, donate from their hard week wage at the destination.

Please re-read your post and the OP.

You really don't seem to understand manipulation and inbalance of power. Be very grateful you don't but unfortunately many of us do. There is no "of course he asked her" in certain relationships.

The only thing that is annoying about you is the total inability to read/ comprehend what is written.

hmm perhaps thats you that can't read and understand whats written

A newborn, a toddler with SN and an infants school kid. He sounds like a monster leaving his wife to deal with that level of work. So he can pursue his hobby with freedom and get patted on the back.

I mean even after the narc hero returns, she will still be married to him and have to suffer his outrageous egotistical shite.

She could use the 3/4 months time to move house and prepare for divorce, especially if she has helpful parents with deep pockets.

Um, they and quite a few of their 'mates' exist on here solely to goad women... sad, so sad...

“He’s not suddenly turned into a self centred arse. If she married him knowing who he is, then I’m afraid that’s who she has accepted.”

This is obviously not true of the majority of men, but it is well known that abuse often begins during pregnancy. Abusive men do suddenly change.

Think about it, you’d HAVE to start off being nice - otherwise the majority of people wouldn’t have a bar of you. You have to get them hooked first.

I can well imagine a fair bit of manipulation in those situations whether she's happy with it or not. Men like this generally want the plaudits above everything else.

Are you a man who left lone wife and small children at home while going on a sponsored jolly? No? then what the feck any of this has to do with the OP??

The only thing that is annoying about you is the total inability to read/ comprehend what is written.

I'm not sure about the general sneering about fundraising. People saying 'just donate the money' are missing the point a bit - I know a girl who for example done a particular event to raise money for the illness that her mum died from. She donated more money than she could have by just taking £20 out her wages. It meant a lot to her. Nobody was obligated to donate. Some people like to challenge themselves and yes it can be their hobby, but generally the more difficult or challenging, the more you can raise. I'm all for it.

That's very different from a man just taking off and leaving his wife to manage multiple children for months on end.

Recognising patterns in men's behaviour is fundamental in bringing women out from under their boot.

I would imagine the women are quite relieved not to be invited 😉

Of course he must have asked her. They have a four week old. Cant imagine even the worst arsehole man amongst us wouldnt have asked in this situation. They have a newborn, presumably the question arose during the pregnancy.

There is a group of dads at our school who do cycling events to apparently raise money. It’s a very exclusive group though, it’s invitation only, and no women allowed. So just a group of mates going on bike rides.

Social value leave! Now I’ve heard it all!
Every time I hear of a man fundraising to get his jolly paid for, I think of the wife keeping everything going at home. She is the one who is the hero in this situation.
I love to ask the man who is looking after his children while he’s away.

For anyone who might think I’m jealous, I take a lot of time away for myself doing endurance events, but I’m certainly not cheeky enough to ask other people to pay for them.

I've signed up to the London Legal Walk next month. I'm fully prepared to donate to it myself rather than asking people to donate as it's about raising awareness for a cause but also, frankly, sounds like a fun evening.

You really think he asked her?? Strewth.

You also don't seem to understand that once a woman is "trapped" sometimes, just sometimes, men change their behaviour from the lovely person they were once beforehand. It is a known thing.

I agree with you OP, but it's not just the 3-4 months for the trip it will be the endless practice rides daily to ensure he has the stamina to complete the trip. Selfish bastard.

It really annoys me as well. So he's just pissing around cycling raising money and/or "helping" out there. Neither of which help anyone.

These kids that fund raise to go somewhere to help villagers annoy me as well. It doesn't help.

Like a poster up thread said, just send money.

What a knob

My brother got a new job in the north just after his wife had gone back to work after their second. I finally lost it with my parents the 80th time I heard how amazing he was: getting up early to drive there on a Monday morning… Staying in a hotel all week… Driving home on a Thursday after work… Negotiating so he would WFH on a Friday. His (safeguarding lead in a primary/deputy headteacher) wife did her FT job with a 9mo and a 3yo. But yeah. He is a hero.

This sounds like a whole new scam.

It is actually quite conceivable that he told her he was going and ignored any protestations. I'm not saying that's what happened, it's one of a range of possibilities, but that does mean nobody should be assuming she was fine with it. You can't actually force your spouse not to do something. The leverage is to decide whether you want to stay in the relationship or not.

Also worth pointing out that she could've okayed it and been genuinely correct that his presence wasn't going to make much difference, or worse. Maybe she's glad he's going. Which wouldn't say anything good about him!