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AIBU?

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Original poster

How much?

63 replies

weddingdilemma2026 · 03/05/2026 17:18

We have been invited to a wedding of a friend. The invite requests “money towards a honeymoon instead of a present” we have no idea how much to give. Don’t want to look flash and potentially give more than close relatives but then again don’t want to look miserly.
If you were invited what would you suggest is a reasonable amount? The wedding isn’t for a few months so the amount isn’t a problem.
It is also local so no additional spending needed to travel or stay away.

OP posts:
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GinaandGin · 04/05/2026 17:28

CoffeeCantata · 04/05/2026 16:26

Oh no - not this. It's not a UK custom to 'cover your plate' - it's American.

There's no obligation on guests to pay for the wedding - that's the bride and groom and their families' job.

You give what you can afford, and there are no set rules in the UK (I realise the custom is different in Ireland).

I completely get why couples now want cash instead of gifts - the old days of needing to set up home are gone. But I think it's embarrassing for guests to have to give money - in the old days it wasn't so obvious how much you'd spent. Now it's really blatant, and I'm sure some guests feel social pressure to spend more than they are comfortable with.

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Must be it.
im in Northern Ireland and 100 quid each is the going rate
For a wedding in the Republic of Ireland especially if it's a big wedding 200 euro would be expected
I grew up in a small village where before money was the trend, the bride , before the wedding would have a room in the brides family home where all the gifts would be displayed and a note to state who had bought what and cheques pinned to the curtains.

CoffeeCantata · 04/05/2026 16:26

GinaandGin · 03/05/2026 18:27

100 each
At least cover the cost of your plate

Oh no - not this. It's not a UK custom to 'cover your plate' - it's American.

There's no obligation on guests to pay for the wedding - that's the bride and groom and their families' job.

You give what you can afford, and there are no set rules in the UK (I realise the custom is different in Ireland).

I completely get why couples now want cash instead of gifts - the old days of needing to set up home are gone. But I think it's embarrassing for guests to have to give money - in the old days it wasn't so obvious how much you'd spent. Now it's really blatant, and I'm sure some guests feel social pressure to spend more than they are comfortable with.

ScabbyHorse · 04/05/2026 12:52

£50

sunflowersandsunsets · 04/05/2026 12:49

I'm surprised at all the responses saying £150 or more. I'd be giving £50 from us both!

Loulou4022 · 04/05/2026 12:47

We mostly had £50 from friends and £100 from wider family. My 2 aunts very generously did £250.

AImportantMermaid · 04/05/2026 12:39

Doseofreality · 03/05/2026 17:26

I’d give them a John Lewis voucher and give no fucks about it. A wedding isn’t a fundraising event for a holiday.

But they don’t want a John Lewis voucher. Why would you go to the bother?

Giraffeandthedog · 04/05/2026 12:05

Back in the days of gift registries the rule of thumb used to be that you’d give between 50% and 200% of the cost of your invitation, depending on your circumstances.

So I guess at about £100 per head that would give a range of £50-£200 per person attending.

Didimum · 04/05/2026 11:58

Doseofreality · 03/05/2026 18:10

Because they are cheeky fuckers. You don’t get to tell people what to gift you just because you are getting married.

Edited
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That’s not OP’s query. So it’s irrelevant.

Original poster
weddingdilemma2026 · 04/05/2026 11:56

Thanks again for all your replies. MH was wanting to give £250 from us both but I think that is more likely the amount close relatives would give. I think £100/£150 is a reasonable amount from us as a couple. Glad to see so many replies around this amount. This put my mind at rest that we are not out of touch with the “going rate”.

OP posts:
RollOnSunshine · 03/05/2026 20:56

£75 absolute max.
Total not per person.

luckylavender · 03/05/2026 20:40

ColdAsAWitches · 03/05/2026 19:18

She specifically said she would get a voucher, so she's worked out a value for the gift, so why not just give the cash?

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But it doesn’t address the other concerns

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 03/05/2026 19:20

I would give £50 (in total, not per person)

ColdAsAWitches · 03/05/2026 19:18

luckylavender · 03/05/2026 19:13

Because it still feels tacky to some. And it’s difficult to gauge how much, which is not the case necessarily with a gift. And it’s awkward if you’re skint.

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She specifically said she would get a voucher, so she's worked out a value for the gift, so why not just give the cash?

hahabahbag · 03/05/2026 19:15

For a good friend £100 and a bottle of champagne or deluxe chocolates

sweetpickle2 · 03/05/2026 19:13

Doseofreality · 03/05/2026 18:10

Because they are cheeky fuckers. You don’t get to tell people what to gift you just because you are getting married.

Edited
Show quote history

Of course you do?? Ever heard of a gift registry???

luckylavender · 03/05/2026 19:13

ColdAsAWitches · 03/05/2026 17:55

So you'd go out if your way to give them something they don't want? Why? If you're going to give them a voucher, why not give them the cash equivalent that they asked for.

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Because it still feels tacky to some. And it’s difficult to gauge how much, which is not the case necessarily with a gift. And it’s awkward if you’re skint.

intrepidpanda · 03/05/2026 19:12

£50

FrLarryDuff · 03/05/2026 19:10

Much as I despise requests for money, I’ll give £200 as a rule.

HeyThereDelila · 03/05/2026 19:07

£50-£100 if you can afford it, but also don’t feel bad about just giving them a card or a voucher. Personally I think money requests are bloody cheeky. People should pay for their own damn honeymoon.

wasvs · 03/05/2026 18:48

are people answering on a couple or individual attending?

OnlyTomSaidThat · 03/05/2026 18:46

We gave £50 a few years a go at DH's friends wedding. Tbh it was a tough time financially and it was all we could afford. Groom hasn't spoken to DH since so we gather they were insulted.

On the other hand travelling (UK) for another friends wedding and gave a small personal gift, as we couldn't afford accommodation and a 'big gift'. They couldn't have been happier that we made the effort to attend.

It really seems to depend on the grabbiness person.

Bjorkdidit · 03/05/2026 18:39

Doseofreality · 03/05/2026 17:26

I’d give them a John Lewis voucher and give no fucks about it. A wedding isn’t a fundraising event for a holiday.

Make sure you write in the card how much better you think you are than them and are ignoring their perfectly reasonable and logical request as a way of expressing your perceived superiority.

Vaxtable · 03/05/2026 18:31

GinaandGin · 03/05/2026 18:27

100 each
At least cover the cost of your plate

Why? They should not have a wedding if they can’t afford to pay for it

Vaxtable · 03/05/2026 18:30

Doseofreality · 03/05/2026 17:26

I’d give them a John Lewis voucher and give no fucks about it. A wedding isn’t a fundraising event for a holiday.

Same

i object to giving cash for a holiday, they can either afford the whole wedding and honeymoon or don’t do it

Itiswhysofew · 03/05/2026 18:30

€250 where I live.

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