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AIBU?

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Original poster

To just stop offering DD breakfast and lunch?

393 replies

turkishdeelitee · 03/05/2026 13:59

Because she literally never eats breakfast, just point blank refuses. Also refuses lunch for five out of seven days a week. She does eat an OK dinner if it’s something she likes. I’m fed up and worried. She’s nearly 3.

OP posts:
Notmeagain12 · 03/05/2026 14:33

Does she go to nursery? How does she eat there?

Original poster
turkishdeelitee · 03/05/2026 14:33

HeyThereDelila · 03/05/2026 14:30

Don’t stop offering food; keep it relaxed and no big deal.

My friend had this with her DD: she did eat at nursery as she copied the other children, so see if she does that.

Keep offering things you know she likes, and try not to show stress about it around her. Consult your health visitor and GP if you haven’t already, as they may have suggestions you’ve not yet tried.

Thanks. I think I’ve followed all the standard advice; at least one thing you know she’ll eat, keep dinner time relaxed, don’t get involved in negotiating or persuasion (I probably have sometimes tried to persuade a bit, it’s hard not to, but not overtly.)

Some days she’s fine. Last week for instance she refused breakfast but had a LOT of strawberries as a mid morning snack, home made chilli for lunch and a roast chicken dinner. Other days she lives on nothing. It’s when those days tip into one another I get stressed out.

OP posts:
Nnnfd · 03/05/2026 14:32

This reply has been deleted

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Making sure they eat? That they have enough nutrition?

Getmeacoffeenow · 03/05/2026 14:32

This reply has been deleted

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The post just said “yes” before this.

You can’t do this to a three year old, it’s old fashioned and mean.

Nnnfd · 03/05/2026 14:32

turkishdeelitee · 03/05/2026 14:30

Oh, you’re barking mad, that is all good then 😂

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Yeah right. Have fun with your DD then.

Cherrytree86 · 03/05/2026 14:32

Thesausagelady · 03/05/2026 14:02

I’d start making more things that she likes, offer them in informal settings - on a tray, little bowls, in front of TV.

Personally I’d focus on calories and nutrition over table discipline or eating adult tastes such as broccoli etc

@Thesausagelady

noooooo! She’ll end up with food all over the sofa!

Getmeacoffeenow · 03/05/2026 14:31

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Anononony · 03/05/2026 14:31

turkishdeelitee · 03/05/2026 14:29

I have wondered but she eats things like chilli. She’s obsessed with ham but I really don’t like her having that.

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If ham is something she will eat i wouldn't refuse her it, it's not amazing food but it's calories and protein she's not getting otherwise

DuskOPorter · 03/05/2026 14:30

turkishdeelitee · 03/05/2026 14:29

I have wondered but she eats things like chilli. She’s obsessed with ham but I really don’t like her having that.

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AFRID is more about safe foods and safe textures it is not just about a type of food.

Original poster
turkishdeelitee · 03/05/2026 14:30

Nnnfd · 03/05/2026 14:30

Yes. Sit her down. Tell her she can't go/leave still she finishes her food.

Edited
Show quote history

Oh, you’re barking mad, that is all good then 😂

OP posts:
sunflowersandsunsets · 03/05/2026 14:30

Have you had her checked over by a doctor?

HeyThereDelila · 03/05/2026 14:30

Don’t stop offering food; keep it relaxed and no big deal.

My friend had this with her DD: she did eat at nursery as she copied the other children, so see if she does that.

Keep offering things you know she likes, and try not to show stress about it around her. Consult your health visitor and GP if you haven’t already, as they may have suggestions you’ve not yet tried.

Original poster
turkishdeelitee · 03/05/2026 14:30

TeenToTwenties · 03/05/2026 14:28

What is her weight and general health like?

She’s petite but in proportion and perhaps a bit leaner than a few months ago but then she’s grown. She does have milk and I will cut that back (she only has it after dinner) but I’m often desperate to get calories into her in the form of something healthy!

OP posts:
Nnnfd · 03/05/2026 14:30

Getmeacoffeenow · 03/05/2026 14:28

The three year old isn’t dictating, she’s not eating at all! Do you suggest OP forcefeeds her??

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Yes. Sit her down. Tell her she can't go/leave still she finishes her food.

Original poster
turkishdeelitee · 03/05/2026 14:29

DuskOPorter · 03/05/2026 14:28

Have you heard of AFRID? It might be worth considering. Keep offering food even if she refuses.

I have wondered but she eats things like chilli. She’s obsessed with ham but I really don’t like her having that.

OP posts:
TeenToTwenties · 03/05/2026 14:28

What is her weight and general health like?

Getmeacoffeenow · 03/05/2026 14:28

Nnnfd · 03/05/2026 14:27

I thought this was going to be a teen. But no you let a 3 year old dictate meals to you?

The three year old isn’t dictating, she’s not eating at all! Do you suggest OP forcefeeds her??

Original poster
turkishdeelitee · 03/05/2026 14:28

Nnnfd · 03/05/2026 14:27

I thought this was going to be a teen. But no you let a 3 year old dictate meals to you?

You missed the part where you explain how I avoid this, I think.

OP posts:
DuskOPorter · 03/05/2026 14:28

Have you heard of AFRID? It might be worth considering. Keep offering food even if she refuses.

Original poster
turkishdeelitee · 03/05/2026 14:28

I wouldn’t seriously not offer her food but the amount of waste as well as the stress involved means it’s tempting. I have tried not giving her a plate and just eating from mine to see if that tempts her; it doesn’t. I don’t know how she manages to go from waking to nearly half five some days with nothing but she does.

OP posts:
Nnnfd · 03/05/2026 14:27

I thought this was going to be a teen. But no you let a 3 year old dictate meals to you?

Roads · 03/05/2026 14:26

I think it's madness that you'd consider not offering her food at all, she's not even 3.

If you know there are food she will always eat not matter what meal it is offer them. I'm presuming you've spoken to the health visitor or GP about her aversion to eating?

SnappyQuoter · 03/05/2026 14:26

turkishdeelitee · 03/05/2026 14:22

But she didn’t ask a question - she ordered me to Stop the snacks and sure she will eat direct quote Confused when there was nothing about snacks in my OP!

I actually think it’s far ruder to make stuff up but anyway!

Thanks for the advice. She’s always been quite a poor eater in terms of variety but would eat well and fairly healthily although restricted. So breakfast was typically boiled egg and toast (often wouldn’t eat it all but fine) lunch home made pizza or stir fry or beans on toast, then dinner roast chicken with potatoes and broccoli or home made chilli.

now she refuses breakfast every day. I do offer a healthy snack (banana usually) mid morning - she refuses that too. Lunch was just now refused apart from a mouse sized bite of chicken. I’m really stressed with it to be honest and trying not to be as that’s the worst you can do.

She also starts preschool soon and she won’t eat packed lunches!

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She did ask a question. It’s right there. She asked if you gave her snacks, then followed it with the comment to stop giving snacks. That’s a totally normal way to reply on a chat forum. If the answer is yes, then the the advice applies but if the answer is no then you can ignore it. No one has been rude except you, which is why you’re now not getting many responses.

Original poster
turkishdeelitee · 03/05/2026 14:25

Blushingm · 03/05/2026 14:24

She didn’t order you to do anything! As PP said you come across as very rude

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‘Stop the non existent snacks’ is an order, an instruction. It is far ruder to invent things someone hasn’t written. But I am not wasting any more time on this.

OP posts:
Blushingm · 03/05/2026 14:24

turkishdeelitee · 03/05/2026 14:22

But she didn’t ask a question - she ordered me to Stop the snacks and sure she will eat direct quote Confused when there was nothing about snacks in my OP!

I actually think it’s far ruder to make stuff up but anyway!

Thanks for the advice. She’s always been quite a poor eater in terms of variety but would eat well and fairly healthily although restricted. So breakfast was typically boiled egg and toast (often wouldn’t eat it all but fine) lunch home made pizza or stir fry or beans on toast, then dinner roast chicken with potatoes and broccoli or home made chilli.

now she refuses breakfast every day. I do offer a healthy snack (banana usually) mid morning - she refuses that too. Lunch was just now refused apart from a mouse sized bite of chicken. I’m really stressed with it to be honest and trying not to be as that’s the worst you can do.

She also starts preschool soon and she won’t eat packed lunches!

Show quote history

She didn’t order you to do anything! As PP said you come across as very rude