To just stop offering DD breakfast and lunch?

Are you the Op that has had some issues with your child’s nursery in the past?

Ham is highly processed and there are issues with the preservatives use. Unless you are buying high quality ham on the bone.

@turkishdeelitee are there any concerns around autism at all? I ask because my dd is almost 13, currently undergoing assessment and was the same as yours as a toddler. We have been told it can be an early sign. Especially with the restrictions she is placing in herself.

What is your routine around breakfast and has something changed recently?

However, you clearly are only looking for people to agree that it’s ok to only offer you 3 year old food in the evening rather than any interest in people who’ve been through similar

good luck

I've been pretty sympathetic to your situation, as I said, one of my DCs was similar, but I think you're making a rod for your own back here. Either you're worried because she's not eating anything or you're not that worried. If it's the first, just give her the ham for now. She's 3. It's very likely a phase that she'll move on from soon. You don't want to draw this line in the sand because it will be the start of a much bigger battle for control over her food.

well...how do we know. One person I knew was breastfeeding a large girl at the age of 3 and said her child eats nothing. So after the breast milk, she pulled a pack of crisps and an ice cream and gave it to her. Well, I said: this is already a lot for a small child....and the child was fat on top of this. Some women!

Does your child only eat certain foods and is scared to have anything else? Keep trying to offer different foods but if this continues it might be worth a trip to gp to rule out arfrid. If she's losing weight I'd be concerned. You are wrong to say you can't force, obviously not physically force but my dd had an Ed she was older 11 but we had to sit there until she did eat, it could take hours, lots of crying and tantrums but there isn't really any other choice otherwise they will starve and you can't allow that to happen. Arfrid is similar really but not well understood, the treatment is the same, you need to make them eat. It's really really hard. Hopefully this is not the case as your child is young. Please don't hesitate to get advice if you need it as It is very stressful when your child can't eat. Some people can just think your child's being fussy but you know your child and if you are worried or things are getting worse then seek help.

Why don't you get her involved in making things. Ger her a kids knife and get her cutting up strawberries/banana/mushrooms etc. Make some breakfast muffins or something together. Get her mixing eggs and make an omelette etc. Make it exciting to try what she's made. Take her to the supermarket and let her pick a few things. I have a super fussy 4yo and doing things like this has always helped.

The UPF of ham is considerably healthier than just offering her nothing and leaving her hungry.

How does she get on at nursery? They don’t comment that she’s weak? Lethargic?

Agree, if she will eat ham, give her ham.

I would work on the regular eating first and not worry about what she's eating for breakfast and lunch. Then when she is eating think about adding bits to balance it.

Have you tried talking to her about food and energy. In a positive way about how food gives us energy to play, so mummy is going to eat x (something small and easy to eat) to give her the energy to take child to the park. Then give her some to give her the energy to play.

Can you list what your child will eat?
Have you kept a food diary? she may be eating more than you think. Include how much milk you give and any other drinks. Have you monitored their weight?
Do you eat as a family? Be the detective and then ask for help via your doctor.
Don’t give up.
I have a friend’s child who simply never liked eggs, now as an adult they still can’t eat them. Another friend’s child just can not eat bananas, despite other siblings liking them, same now that they are adults.
My daughter was very fussy as a young child, and ate small portions of food. Now 18 and I have just made a new salad from green lentils and various bits - ‘ I’ll give it a go mum’ was her comment. 5 years ago I would NEVER of had that response.
Good luck

Firstly what’s wrong with ham?

Secondly, get her to eat more fat containing foods like eggs as they are more calorie dense. Eggs are about the best food you can eat, they contain everything a human needs except for vitamin c. So you can live on eggs and berries alone and be very healthy.

But a diet of ham and crisps is better than a diet of nothing at all.

You have to pick your battles in a timely way though.

if she’ll only eat ham then stopping her doing so is counter productive.

It’s highly unlikely your child is restricting herself through sheer choice. This is food issues (arfid or otherwise) so shouldn’t be treated as a simple behavioural issue.

Let her graze, put out a tray with little bite sized bits of the food she does like, tell her it is there for when she wants it. Don't let her have free access to drinks as sometimes they drink so much they fill their tummy. Give her a small drink ever hour.

If she’ll eat ham just give her ham. Go with whatever she will eat rather than what you think she should eat, is my advice

I would definitely see the doctor for advice. My dc ended up in hospital twice with dangerously low blood sugar after barely eating anything for tea and it was difficult to rouse them the next morning. I was told to ring 999 each time it happened.

If she wants more and she’s not eating much else then why not give her more?

even if it means for a while buying a better quality ham.

She’s found something safe that she likes. Roll with that for a while and let her have that safety while trying other things in her own time. I was told by DDs specialist that a lot of the children he sees with food issues have ham as a safe food (DD at 4 would have ate her own body weight in ham!).

we also used that to test out new things. Warm ham - bacon. Big ham - gammon sliced. Didn’t always work every time, but helped.

You're worried she's not eating but then stopping her eating? She feels safe eating ham so what if she eats a lot of it, surely it's better than eating nothing?

Also I'm just checking as I don't believe you've answered yet but have you sought help from the GP/health visitor?

Is she eating too much in the evening which makes her feel full? Is she having milk overnight? Sorry if I missed that!

Is she just keen to go off and play? My eldest ate very little at times because he was just so desperate to get down and do something more interesting. Do you eat with her? It's stressful when they don't eat, but it's important to keep offering, maybe if it's just small stuff and make it interesting. Maybe 'can we count how many mouthfuls?' or 'I bet you can't eat that bite of banana before I eat mine.'

Hopefully it's just a phase, infuriating, but a phase.

(Sorry if I've missed something, been typing while being talked to so might have missed some updates!)

It's better that she eats ham than nothing at all. The most important thing is that she gets calories into her.