AIBU to not want them to drop in randomly to watch trains?

Spot on!

Christ, calm down!

No offence but surely you can just mention personally or by text that it's not always convenient for them to drop in unannounced and could they please ring first to ensure it's convenient.

Really, why? OP doesn't want uninvited visitors turning up at random times which I think is very reasonable. Her friend can take her son to the station to see trains passing by, surely?

No way would I put up with that. I hate surprise callers, I don't care who it is. She has some neck arriving at your door with her child and just expecting to be brought in.

I would suggest somewhere else and if she still knocks I would ignore her.

Why is she? It's her home not a tourist attraction.

i’d try and find out why it needs to be in your house.
maybe it is because it may be cold and wet outdoors on the day, or because you have a toilet. or because it’s quieter.

if i were you i’d try and be helpful about finding a spot where the track passes right next to a good vantage point and go there all together. and then see how that goes down. if they like it they can go there in future. i'd badge it as you won’t always be available to host and you dont want little johnnie disappointed.

and yes you dont have to help by finding a spot/accompanying them as it’s not your problem but shes your friend so it’s nice to be nice. i’d prob still host sometimes. it’s nice to see kids happy.

DH is an avid train enthusiast and always knows when a steam locomotive is due to pass through our village. However, he will go and stand on the footbridge along with dozens of others, to get the best view.

What I would do, in your shoes OP, is find out where the best viewpoint is locally for seeing various trains, and then tell your friend what you have discovered. It saves any hurt feelings by saying please don't come round. There are a lot of websites catering for trainspotters so won't be difficult to find out.

She's asked two AIBU questions.

The first being "AIBU to not want them to drop in randomly to watch trains?".

The second: "AIBU to gently suggest that they go to the train station instead?"

Then she goes on to say she's already told her friend to tell her in advance but that she's ignoring her wishes.

Have they been told they cannot access the station platform unless they have a ticket? Or are they just wanting a comfier place to sit? Either way, your friend is unreasonable. If her son is allowed on the platform, he can bring a cushion for the bench.

I read it as though the OP is really asking how to deal with this. I would not suggest lying about having to be somewhere or saying that it isn’t convenient: just say straight out that you’re happy for the occasional, special visit but simply cannot cope with frequent and unannounced visits.

Perhaps decide the maximum number of visits that you could cope with in a month, say two? And tell her that you need to limit this because otherwise it’s too much. I would find it really unnerving and it would put me on edge if I didn’t know when someone was coming.

And yet you describe her as your friend.

Why can't you ask your "friend" to let you know in advance and explain why it's not convenient to just turn up? If he's got the timetables, it shouldn't be too much of a problem to give you notice.

As someone who is autistic, you must understand how important it is for your friend and her son to see these trains. You never know, they might even like your company as well and that's why they like to come to your house.

You must already know what a sometimes bleak and hostile place the world can be for autistic people. Why not try to be accommodating to your friend and her son?

Your other option is to tell them to piss of to the station and not darken your door again. You and your friend will each have one friend less and an autistic boy/man will find out that what he thought was a rare positive in his life is as shit as the rest of it.

You decide.

My son uses the Real Time Trains site to see what trains are running.

Op surely you check the timetable and have a 3 course lunch ready for your guests..
Or answer the door in your coat and tell her you are just off out...
What if they join a train spotters club and they arrive en mass expecting a hot beverage and snacks??

You’re not being unreasonable.

Re being in the know - tends to be rail enthusiasts and ex drivers running Facebook pages who get the word out, according to a steam nerd I know.

If she just turns up unannounced answer the door but don’t let her in - say it’s not convenient for YOU now - and tell her she should always ask before turning up at someone’s house and then say you don’t want to create an expectation that you will be accommodating this in the future.

I don't think you're bashing people with autism

But I'm very confused about why you're asking a question with such an obvious answer?

What do you think we're going to say?

"No, you must open your home to everyone who decides to drop in as and when they please"?

Tell them they can't come in as you are getting ready to go out for an appointment. Keep it vague. Getting ready can mean many things from locking up/shoes on to a bath/shave (for a smear etc).

Although it would be better to speak to the mother again and be very firm how you don't like random drop ins from anyone. Don't justify why you don't.

Yanbu but if she's a friend just say nicely exactly what you've said here. If I randomly turn up at someone's house I would not be remotely offended if they're too busy to host me. But the only person I'd do it to is my sil as she lives just up the road & is happy for people to pop in but will always say if she's busy

Why is OP being very unreasonable?

Why don't you say this to her? It should be on your terms as it's your home. Don't feel obliged to host them though.