Page 8 | AIBU to not want them to drop in randomly to watch trains?

FlatPat · 2026-05-03T10:30:13+00:00

I’ve recently moved to a home that’s close to a train station and opposite the track. A friend and her son who is autistic(As am I) have randomly appeared to see X or Y train. Most of the trains that pass are your standard passenger or freight trains but we do have a few better/well known ones passing through. I don’t mind them visiting the odd time with advance warning but not just dropping in randomly especially as you can go to the train station to see them pass through or get almost the same view from elsewhere though I appreciate it’s more comfortable sitting in someone’s living room. AIBU to gently suggest that they go to the train station instead? TIA

whatwouldlilacerullodo · 03/05/2026 13:56

Why don't you just say: "sorry, I'm busy now, but you can watch from the station. Next time let me know in advance. Bye" ?

Original poster

FlatPat · 03/05/2026 13:56

Apologies for not replying individually but I do appreciate all of your responses.

I’m in flats so she has to buzz me to gain entry and it’s difficult to ignore that as it might be a parcel or someone I am expecting.

She can access the platform on both sides easily without paying so that isn’t an issue. I think that it’s just more comfortable in my flat and less noisy and she says that you get a better view(Possibly again as trains often stop directly outside or slow down)

She knows that I am autistic but I don’t think that she really appreciates the impact upon me. I think she’s probably so exhausted that she can’t see the wood for the trees and is so desperate for some respite that overrides everything.

I’m pretty sure that she isn’t autistic but her partner is.

I think that allowing visits twice a month as a poster suggested might be best so that she knows when she can visit. With perhaps the occasional extra visit outwith those times if there’s something special passing through, though I might not advertise that fact.

I am going to have to be much clearer with her though I have asked her to give me notice before and explained how difficult it is for me but it hasn’t worked.

OP posts:

HoppingPavlova · 03/05/2026 13:55

TatianasCabbagePie · 03/05/2026 12:44

And yet you describe her as your friend.

Why can't you ask your "friend" to let you know in advance and explain why it's not convenient to just turn up? If he's got the timetables, it shouldn't be too much of a problem to give you notice.

As someone who is autistic, you must understand how important it is for your friend and her son to see these trains. You never know, they might even like your company as well and that's why they like to come to your house.

You must already know what a sometimes bleak and hostile place the world can be for autistic people. Why not try to be accommodating to your friend and her son?

Your other option is to tell them to piss of to the station and not darken your door again. You and your friend will each have one friend less and an autistic boy/man will find out that what he thought was a rare positive in his life is as shit as the rest of it.

You decide.

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Or, the friend could just pre-arrange with OP in advance. Surely, the train schedule is never decided on the day. So there would be no need for OP to tell anyone to piss off, or for a lad with autism nit to have the joy of the trains, if his parent just arranged it in advance. So easily solved without the OP having to decide anything.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 03/05/2026 13:54

FlatPat · 03/05/2026 13:16

Unusual train as in one of the steam trains or a well known one. I’m no train expert but they’re unusual to me. The “Harry Potter” train has passed by here for example. No idea why as we aren’t exactly on the route and a few other better known/luxury trains have passed by too. They look rather different from the standard passenger trains. I don’t know which trains are valued by transpotters though but certain ones look noticeably different to me.

Edited

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DH is all about diesels.
And lines.
So he gets excited about diesel engines and freight trains with interesting loads.
And about lines which have been reopened or go somewhere interesting.

He reverts to being 12 again. It’s very sweet. I’d prefer to spend less time looking at trains, personally 🤣

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 03/05/2026 13:50

Jenny, I have autism. I don’t want unexpected visitors. Don’t come unless we have arranged it beforehand.

SapphireSeptember · 03/05/2026 13:46

As someone who is both autistic (who hates having people in my house) and a train enthusiast, YADNU!

Muffinmam · 03/05/2026 13:46

FlatPat · 03/05/2026 12:00

I’m not bashing autistic people. I am autistic as I mentioned. My friend isn’t but her son is. I’m not blaming him. It’s perfectly understandable that he wants to watch the trains but I don’t want anyone dropping in randomly, regardless of the reason(Besides my parents).

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Don’t answer the door.

It’s that simple.

CamembertnCaffeine · 03/05/2026 13:41

TatianasCabbagePie · 03/05/2026 12:44

And yet you describe her as your friend.

Why can't you ask your "friend" to let you know in advance and explain why it's not convenient to just turn up? If he's got the timetables, it shouldn't be too much of a problem to give you notice.

As someone who is autistic, you must understand how important it is for your friend and her son to see these trains. You never know, they might even like your company as well and that's why they like to come to your house.

You must already know what a sometimes bleak and hostile place the world can be for autistic people. Why not try to be accommodating to your friend and her son?

Your other option is to tell them to piss of to the station and not darken your door again. You and your friend will each have one friend less and an autistic boy/man will find out that what he thought was a rare positive in his life is as shit as the rest of it.

You decide.

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Wow you're rude. I love and care for my friends dearly but I wouldn't take too kindly to them dropping by unannounced constantly simply because they enjoyed the view from my window. How on earth is refusing to host unexpected guests showing an autistic kid that the world is hostile towards people like them?

Sirzy · 03/05/2026 13:39

As the mum of an autistic train spotter YANBU! I have often joked that we need to move near a railway line for him but I would never dream of just turning up at someone’s house to watch one!

Chocolattcoffeecup · 03/05/2026 13:38

You are definitely not being unreasonable. It's very rude of them to just turn up. Tell them just what you've said here. You don't mind them coming by occasionally but they need to check with you in advance in future please.

@TatianasCabbagePie Just because the child is autistic doesn't me the OP's comfort, whether OP were autistic or not. Are you sure his mother is not autistic OP? It does tend to run in the family...

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 03/05/2026 13:38

Friendlygingercat · 03/05/2026 13:37

Get a ring type door bell then you can monitor who is at the door without even opening it. After a few unsuccesful visits they will probably give up.

I understand this as I HATE unsolicited visitors and have a robustly worded ntice to that effect on my door. It does deter most people and the rest I watch in amusement via the app on my phone, tablet or Alexa on the TV.

I used to have a neighbour who would "drop in" when I was working at home and stay nattering for hours. I told her that the uni had changed the rules so we all had to be in the office 9-5. I just stopped answering the door during office hours. That was before ring type door bells became a thing.

I hope you don’t mind me saying but I love your username 😬

Friendlygingercat · 03/05/2026 13:37

Get a ring type door bell then you can monitor who is at the door without even opening it. After a few unsuccesful visits they will probably give up.

I understand this as I HATE unsolicited visitors and have a robustly worded ntice to that effect on my door. It does deter most people and the rest I watch in amusement via the app on my phone, tablet or Alexa on the TV.

I used to have a neighbour who would "drop in" when I was working at home and stay nattering for hours. I told her that the uni had changed the rules so we all had to be in the office 9-5. I just stopped answering the door during office hours. That was before ring type door bells became a thing.

alimak9 · 03/05/2026 13:36

Mamainthelights · 03/05/2026 12:00

You are being very unreasonable

Why? Would you like someone popping in your home at any time without letting you know? Absolutely no!

Goinggonegone · 03/05/2026 13:36

TatianasCabbagePie · 03/05/2026 12:44

And yet you describe her as your friend.

Why can't you ask your "friend" to let you know in advance and explain why it's not convenient to just turn up? If he's got the timetables, it shouldn't be too much of a problem to give you notice.

As someone who is autistic, you must understand how important it is for your friend and her son to see these trains. You never know, they might even like your company as well and that's why they like to come to your house.

You must already know what a sometimes bleak and hostile place the world can be for autistic people. Why not try to be accommodating to your friend and her son?

Your other option is to tell them to piss of to the station and not darken your door again. You and your friend will each have one friend less and an autistic boy/man will find out that what he thought was a rare positive in his life is as shit as the rest of it.

You decide.

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As someone who is autistic, the OP knows the crippling anxiety of having people unpredictably turn up at her house!!

GinaandGin · 03/05/2026 13:33

Mamainthelights · 03/05/2026 12:00

You are being very unreasonable

How
I am autistic and I hate people popping in.
It's rude and it knocks me off.

EBearhug · 03/05/2026 13:32

They're trains. They're timetabled. They should never need to drop in randomly. You need to be firmer about it only being acceptable if agreed in advance, and actually say no next time they do turn up unannounced.

Alittlefrustrated · 03/05/2026 13:27

Ignore the people having a go at you OP.
As the parent of an autistic child, your friend really should be able to understand that you struggle with unexpected visits.
Make this very clear to her and ask that she ring to confirm that it's OK before hand,to avoid being turned away and upsetting her son.
Your feelings matter too - autistic or not!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 03/05/2026 13:27

TatianasCabbagePie · 03/05/2026 12:44

And yet you describe her as your friend.

Why can't you ask your "friend" to let you know in advance and explain why it's not convenient to just turn up? If he's got the timetables, it shouldn't be too much of a problem to give you notice.

As someone who is autistic, you must understand how important it is for your friend and her son to see these trains. You never know, they might even like your company as well and that's why they like to come to your house.

You must already know what a sometimes bleak and hostile place the world can be for autistic people. Why not try to be accommodating to your friend and her son?

Your other option is to tell them to piss of to the station and not darken your door again. You and your friend will each have one friend less and an autistic boy/man will find out that what he thought was a rare positive in his life is as shit as the rest of it.

You decide.

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So the OP, who herself is autistic, has to put up with them just dropping in so that he doesn’t ‘find out that what he thought was a rare positive in his life is as shit as the rest of it?

How ridiculous. She is happy to accommodate if she has the heads up beforehand. Surely better for the mother to do that than risk upsetting her son if the OP isn’t in/is too busy?

By turning up like they do, the mother is increasing the chances of him being disappointed. And autism or not (I have AUDHD before you come at me), you do have to learn that the world is not set up for your needs.

shuffleofftobuffalo · 03/05/2026 13:22

I’ve had this exact thing happen OP! I’ve got a superb view of both my local stations and the viaduct that connects them. I used to get people trying to drop in all the time with their kids to watch the trains go by. Not a problem I ever thought I’d have! I used to do toddler train watching parties so I could be in control, otherwise it was a constant stream.

You might have to just have to be blunt - it’s not an unreasonable expectation that you can just pop in whenever you want, and it’s not ok just because the son is autistic. Does she know you are autistic? You could explain it like that, you can’t tolerate unexpected visitors (I’d also limit the number of arranged visits too by the way).

lazyarse123 · 03/05/2026 13:17

Mamainthelights · 03/05/2026 12:00

You are being very unreasonable

Why? Who wants folk dropping in just to see trains. It's rude not to at least ask in advance.

Original poster

FlatPat · 03/05/2026 13:16

Glowingup · 03/05/2026 13:12

Sorry for being thick but what is an “unusual train”? Aren’t they all just freight or passenger trains? Or is it the royal train to Norfolk or something?

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Unusual train as in one of the steam trains or a well known one. I’m no train expert but they’re unusual to me. The “Harry Potter” train has passed by here for example. No idea why as we aren’t exactly on the route and a few other better known/luxury trains have passed by too. They look rather different from the standard passenger trains. I don’t know which trains are valued by transpotters though but certain ones look noticeably different to me.

OP posts:

FortyFacedFuckers · 03/05/2026 13:15

Just start answering the door and saying sorry I’m just heading out, let me know in advance in future and don’t let them in if it’s not convenient

Purplewarrior · 03/05/2026 13:13

I am ND and can’t deal with anyone popping in.

I just don’t answer my door unless I am expecting visitors. I don’t care if they can see I am home. All my friends and family know I won’t come to the door if I’m not expecting them.

Glowingup · 03/05/2026 13:12

FlatPat · 03/05/2026 12:52

Thank you! I often see an unusual train going past and it’s be nice to know what it is as I can’t always catch the name.

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Sorry for being thick but what is an “unusual train”? Aren’t they all just freight or passenger trains? Or is it the royal train to Norfolk or something?

Bridgertonisbest · 03/05/2026 13:11

FlatPat · 03/05/2026 12:00

I’m not bashing autistic people. I am autistic as I mentioned. My friend isn’t but her son is. I’m not blaming him. It’s perfectly understandable that he wants to watch the trains but I don’t want anyone dropping in randomly, regardless of the reason(Besides my parents).

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Fucking he’ll I can’t even handle my parents dropping in unannounced!

Her son is autistic, how can she not understand how disrupting it is to have unexpected things happen?

Next time she turns up unannounced you’re going to have to tell her you’re busy and can she text to check you’re free before turning up to watch trains!

Im reallY good friends with my neighbour right across the road but we don’t turn up on each other’s doorsteps without a text!