AIBU to not want them to drop in randomly to watch trains?

I think you should cop yourself on

I said the op came across as goady and having used aibu, it really isnt an inconceivable way of thinking

I dont really know what more you want out of me tbh, I've wished the op well and youre still quoting me - you have the problem

You’re clearly projecting here

Ohhh cop yourself on. The OP has been nothing but kind. This is a YOU problem.

It did to me, i'm afraid.

Still, the op has explained and ive wished her well

Oh don’t talk rubbish! Of course it doesn’t.

Does the station have barriers? Just wondering if they’d have to pay for a ticket to enter the platform. Trainspotters frequent a barrier free station near where I live for this reason. I don’t think you’re BU if they keep coming unannounced and it’s often. Just request they let you know in advance and also don’t do it too much.

Have you told her? Next time you see her just say that you do enjoy their company but please could they call before popping over as that would make you more comfortable. I am sure she will
understand.

@TatianasCabbagePie "You must already know what a sometimes bleak and hostile place the world can be for autistic people. Why not try to be accommodating to your friend and her son? Your other option is to tell them to piss of to the station and not darken your door again. You and your friend will each have one friend less and an autistic boy/man will find out that what he thought was a rare positive in his life is as shit as the rest of it."

I can only assume that you have an open house for people with disabilities then? And that you have no objection to them randomly dropping in and sitting in your lounge for hours? I would hate to think that you made the world a more bleak and hostile place by not accommodating every such request.

I'm not bashing the op, who i saw stated that she was autistic - but i'm afraid plenty of autistic bashing threads have 'i am autistic/I know loads of autistic people' in the op, and then a pile on begins - its awful to witness

Again, I have wished the op well

I would tell her once again very clearly. Maybe you could post here exactly what you’ve said to her as sometimes it feels like we’re being clear but it can come out a bit differently?

If she still carries on and you need to answer the buzzer, I would come up with a few reasons why she can’t come in.
“No sorry, I’m waiting for a call from the doctor. Hope you have fun seeing the train!”
”I’m just going in the bath”
“I have a friend over at the moment”
”I really need a nap”
Normal things that people normally do in their home but don’t want to be disturbed while they’re doing them. She will get the picture eventually that she can’t just ignore you saying you don’t want unexpected visitors

Don't read threads posted by Autistic adults then, which was clearly stated in the OP. This isn't a goady thread. You are bashing @FlatPat by saying that and diminishing her needs. Is she not Autistic enough for you?

Let her know.

'Hi Susan, as lovely as it is to see you both, please check first before dropping in, because I've got a lot of work/other commitment/other excuse on. Happy to make arrangements in advance, but I'm not always able to reschedule things off the cuff.'

Or get a ring doorbell.

I think you can tell her how you feel. She is understanding of her sons autism. She'll likely be understanding if you frame this as stemming from your own autism.

God almighty, some of the responses here are bonkers. Yes, it is perfectly fine and normal not to want people to drop in on you without warning. I'm not sure if your friend realises you're autistic, but you could simply say that you struggle with unplanned visits and would be happier if they let you know in advance when they might want to come over to watch particular trains. That would be polite and sufficient. I'm not autistic and I would still struggle with this.

This is super easy to deal with - get a Ring doorbell (or similar) then you can see who's knocking. If it's someone you don't want to see, just ignore. Honestly, I've had a similar issue because of living close to something "cool", and I've learned to just ignore.

Not unreasonable at all. It is massively disruptive to have random drop bys with expectations on you. Your friend is disrespectful. She makes adjustments for her son's autism trampling all over you so she can be indoors rather than outside.

Tell her she isn't welcome unless she is invited to visit. Visitors don't invite themselves to your home.

@mumofoneAloneandwell is it not autism bashing to be autistic and have needs that are different to someone else who is autistic. We are not all the same. However it is more common on MN for ND people to bash autistic adults who can communicate on here.

Clearly the 'unusual' trains are not timetabled and are probably just passing through without stopping so only those in the know will realise via their contacts in the train spotting community. So, OP, how often are those sort of trains going past your house?
I would guess your home offers not only a good view of the trains but a level of comfort and familiarity to the autistic son. Telling them to go to the nearest crowded viewpoint or station may not appeal to them. However, you have to be firmer with your friend - can you send a message explaining this? If you've just mentioned it in passing and she's been a bit dismissive then you need to be more explicit.

I wish you well op

Aa a sen mum myself, the number of threads that incite thinly veiled 'sen bashing' is sad to see

You have to tell her. It's an intrusion in your life. You're allowed to put your own needs before someone else's. It's not a crime. Yet. 🙄

Why people are dumping on you because your friend's son happens to be autistic is beyond ridiculous. Especially as you are also autistic. But even if you weren't, it's still bonkers. Please ignore their nonsense.

Just say they can’t come and don’t give a reason. You don’t need to justify not having people in your house if you don’t want them there! I wouldn’t say you’re going out to an appointment as they might say they’re happy just to watch out your window without you there!

I'm also autistic. Message her about it:

"Hey friend, when X wants to see a train go by will you please ask me in advance so I can see if it's convenient? You need to stop just dropping in on me as I don't like it (one of my autistic traits, you know how it is!). I'm happy for you guys to come occasionally with notice, but I can't cope with unexpected visits. Thanks!"

And then when they turn up unexpectedly, either don't answer the door, it say you were just going out so they can't come in. I know that's hard to do but you'll probably only have to do it a couple of times.

Look at the timetable for the trains and go out before they are due a few times then they will go to the station to see it.