AIBU to not want them to drop in randomly to watch trains?

I think, as PP suggested, may be get together and look over the timetable with your friend and her ds what they (he) would like to see - this in itself could be a nice little social event.

You can then control if you want to say yes (because you can refer to your diary, that you don't share with them, and decline any dates you don't want to do or when it looks like there's too many dates)

Outside the dates you've agreed upon, if she buzzes your intercom, you breezily say, "I'm sorry, I don't think this was a date we agreed on and it's not convenient right now. Look forward to seeing you on x date, though" and then don't be drawn into further conversation about it and then hang up on her and obviously don't buzz her into your flat

I don't think you need to give any headspace to anything else. It's lovely that you're thoughtful enough to get treats in that her ds likes.

Hope you can work something out.

So why can’t that go both ways?

Of course they're timetabled. It's how rail networks work
Well, yeah, I meant it's not on the regular timetable and may require a bit of extra research, you can't just look up what's operating on the normal services e.g GWR. I took the OP to mean trains like the Harry Potter one and steam trains etc - no, they're not careering around the rail network will-nilly! Which all suggests the friend knows her stuff and really, really wants her son to see them at certain times and is riding roughshod over the OP's wishes.

Do you say that to men too?

NO- I wouldn't provide how many times per month! Your home isn't a viewing platform. Don't tie yourself into ANY views per month. Leave it as needing to check before ANY visit.

She's taking the piss dropping in on you multiple times a week. I understand you're struggling with asserting yourself so if it's helpful, I'd send something like this:

Hi friend, I'm pleased X enjoys watching the trains from my house but as I've said before, dropping in unannounced doesn't work for me. In future I need you to ask me in advance or I'll have to say you can't come in. If you can't respect this boundary then sadly he is going to miss out because I'll have to put a stop to it completely. I'm happy to accommodate two visits a month.

How good can the view be from your living room as opposed to outsdie?

Of course they're timetabled. It's how rail networks work. They might not be regular, but they won't be allowed to run at a time that disrupts the 11:43 to Waterloo or whatever - plus if people have booked to go on the Flying Scotsman or whatever, they will need to know what time to be at Alresford or Basingstoke or wherever they're picking it up. It's how trainspotters know when to be looking from particular bridges and so on.

Even if they're just passing through, if you know they're at one station at 10:25 and then at another one at10:49, you've got a good chance of working out when they'll be passing through a location two thirds of the way along that line.

So you’ve told her and she ignores you. And you still consider her a friend. She has zero respect for you as you have told her it’s not ok. So
why are you feeling bad to be absolutely blunt with her? She doesn’t care.

If you have used words and she has not taken them in then you need actions. Turn her away at your door if she turns up and tell her it’s not convenient.

WTF! You think the OP should open her home to any drop ins???

Please provide YOUR full home address including postcode, so we can all randomly drop into your home, day/night for any amount of time because YOU are just SO kind and compassionate!

If you don't provide us your home address- then you clearly lack any kindness or compassion! 🙄

It wouldn’t bother me at all every now and again, but not every day. OP didn’t say it was every day though x

Because it’s nice to have some compassion and be kind.

So the autistic woman has to suppress her needs and defer to the needs of the autistic young boy, righty ho 👍

(Sorry not RTFT)

When you tell her, what does she say?

You need to start making her feel it’s an imposition. So when she rings the doorbell, grab your coat and say you’re heading out. If she suggests watching from your flat whilst you’re out, just say “sorry, I’m not sure when I’m back, but definitely pop over to the station to have a look, that’s exciting. Bye”.

Some people are Teflon coated and don’t take hints, so you need to be forthright.

Good luck!! It’s awkward.

I don't think it an autism bashing thread. I do think it's a good example of one where people just seem incapable of taking control of their own lives and actually talking to people to resolve or raise issues.

I mean, it's pretty bloody obvious what the solution is here. Tell the mother that she needs to check before coming around.

I’m not autistic and this would wind me up.
I cant stand unannounced visitors

I did... it was removed

🤣🤣

Again - if you feel there has been a personal attack, report the post.

Questioning the motive of the thread isnt a personal attack i'm afraid.

Irony 💯