Do you privately judge women who’ve had a high number of sexual partners?

Depends what I was judging them on and why.

If I found out a bloke I was seeing had slept with 50+ women I would judge him to be someone who didn't want - or couldn't cope with - commitment. Whether that would be an issue for me would depend on what I was wanting from the relationship.

I wouldn't consider myself to be "better than", which is what I assume you mean.

No I don’t care what consenting adults do with each other. It’s completely irrelevant. I know couples who are swingers and they have probably slept with tons of people. It’s just not a big deal for me.

No. I don't care what other women do.

But in reference to a PP who said she wouldn't like a man who had slept with so many, I get it. The men I have had relationships with have had less than 5-10 partners. Personally, my number is over 30.

I think it can say something about a person’s attitude to sex. For me, amount of sex you have simply isn’t a moral issue. It has been a moral issue for so much of history that I think it’s hard for people not to see it that way even if they haven’t put together a rational argument for doing so.

I’m in a stage where I am having a fair amount of casual sex. It’s right for me at the moment. It probably won’t be forever. I haven’t done it much in the past. I don’t care if I get to 50+ in number if it’s still working for me.

I’m not sure it says much about ability to form relationships or self esteem. It’s just life circumstances of being a single parent and not being in a position to have a serious relationship for the time being.

You can be very fussy about who you have sex with as a woman looking for casual sex. You have almost infinite choice. I usually have a pretty intellectual and wide ranging conversation with someone before we hook up - sometimes you can be more open with a stranger than someone you might want a long-term relationship with. I’m not really compromising on looks, intellect, general decency. I usually see someone a few times but not always.

It’s maybe unusual for women to have that attitude to sex but possible.

No

You could say that about anything though. I've heard people say they could never date a Tory or would only ever date other vegans for example. I have my own things that I would find deeply unattractive or problematic in a person. We all have our lines in the sand and in doing so we eliminate a huge number of potential partners we might have a intense bond with if we gave them a chance.

But we make our judgements in the believe that certain choices and behaviours say a lot about the kind of person someone is, so if your values are completely different, why bother?

Nobody owes anyone else a chance to have a relationship with them if they feel it's too much of a compromise of their values.

But maybe they had it with all the other people they slept with? I did much of my sleeping around at Oxford, so there wasn’t exactly a shortage of clever people I could bind with intellectually, and I’m a total sapiophile.

How the fuck would I ever know unless it was my partner?? what a bizarre way to think 😂

Yes, they might have that bond with me, but I am interested in a person who needs that bond for sexual attraction with anyone. It’s just my preference for a partner. I’m odd. I know I am odd.

there are other people who don’t need that. They are better suited for one another.

You seem to care about other people's sexual lives, given your comment. Bit ironic that you feel it necessary to make attacking comments on others sexuality! You just want others to feel the same shame and they don't!

No I dont judge, cant see the problem in adults enjoying their sex lives. Also dont see why people reveal their number?
Does everyone do this?x

No.

Not judge, as such. My view is people are free to do whatever they want with their bodies. I don’t think negatively of anyone who has done extreme things with their bodies. At worst I’d feel sorry for them if that thing is a reflection of low self-esteem or a troubled mind or a lack of self-respect or an inability to form meaningful connections with people (not that these things are necessarily incompatible with having had lots of sexual partners, although they almost always are ime).

I do judge men differently from women, though. I think men who sleep around generally have less than respectful attitudes towards women, unless they own their psychology and show gratitude (not the right word, perhaps) or good fortune while acknowledging their sexual behaviour. Rarer, though. So I generally find a long sexual history in men pretty disgusting tbh. Men’s sexuality is so, so different from women’s.

Same. That’s grim and dirty to me. Both men and women

Yes

We have been together a year.

He was in a ltr/marriage for 8 years in his laye 20s and 30s.

Oh I see, so how long have you been together? Presumably it slowed down a bit after his 20s if he was in a LTR before you?

I don’t judge because I think people should do what they like with consenting adults. I have friends who have slept with a lot of people, but I wouldn’t want a partner who had had a high number of sexual partners.

That poster said 'he was single in his early 20s so had fun.'

On that basis, I assumed she meant he'd slept with 60 people up to his early 20s, after which he met her. Or went into an LTR with someone else.

He could have started at 15, or 21, I have no idea. But it's still a lot. Let's say he started at 15 and 'early 20s' means under 25, that's 10 years at 6 people per year on average, so a new person every 2 months for 10 years straight. And that's giving him the benefit of the doubt that it was spread across 10 years. It could actually have been a lot more densely packed than that.

One point I might make from my personal experience is that while there may be issues over a partners past I did have an issue with a partner in her mid 30's who didnt have a past which might have been a warning of the subsequent issues.......

NB to make sense of the subsequent post I was 10 years her junior

She was BTW perfectly pleasant and we had good times together BUT she could not manage to move on from 'dating' over a period of about 8 years.

By the same token I met my ex wife when she was 30, she had already been divorced and had at least one subsequent 'living together' and it became painfully obvious why

What tender age? He started in his 20’s, you have no idea when he stopped/got with OP. If he was done by early 30’s that’s around 6 people a year. Not as seedy as you’re trying to make it sound.

He is 46 now...

Honestly?

Yes. And not for misogynistic or prudish reasons. It's because of personal experience. The women I've known who've had loads of partners (from school to university to retirement!) have not been happy people. They've suffered much more than my (shall we say) less active friends/acquaintances from insecurity, depression, low self-esteem etc etc.

They've often been people who seem to be searching for something, trying the same old, same old and not finding it. I don't think the people I've known, though, have been intending to be carefree about relationships - they've clearly been intending and hoping each time that things would develop into a longterm relationship.

I think women who can live contentedly as some men have traditionally done (lots of ONS and many partners) are few and far between. Not saying they don't exist - but I genuinely think women are more likely to want more from an encounter than a one-night-stand, and I think they're justified in that.