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Shady behaviour or am I overreacting?

34 replies

Mamamia600 · 03/05/2026 10:30

My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half. In most ways he has been a perfect boyfriend in that time, charming, lovely, goes above and beyond for me, treated me nicely.

Bit of a random back story. When we first got together he was married but splitting up from his wife and at the time he asked me to use Snapchat to communicate with him (we are in our 30s it’s absurd I know) because his ex wife was checking his phone etc while she still lived there.

Obviously we don’t use Snapchat now to communicate but I did see the icon on his phone the other day and asked him if he still uses it. It turns out there are 3 females on this Snapchat account that he keeps in contact with and has done for years. He has been honest with me in telling me this but only when I asked, I have been oblivious to this for a year and a half. Two are exes from years ago. One is a female friend that his ex wife didn’t like him talking to.

To start with when he told me it didn’t bother me as I thought well he’s been honest with me, told me when he could have covered it up. But the more I think about it the more bothered I am about it. It’s shady, and a bit underhand, also if they were just friends I don’t wouldn’t have a problem with them being friends if he was open about it from the start. Now I am questioning why would a man want to keep in contact with two exes but also the other female on Snapchat!? Would I be unreasonable to call him out on this now?

He is a builder by trade and has a lot of female clients who adore him (as I said he’s charming) and now I’m starting to feel insecure about the whole relationship because of the Snapchat situation.

OP posts:
Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 03/05/2026 11:27

Why are you referring to women as ‘females’, but he gets called a ‘man’?

The entire Snapchat thing was obviously nonsense. You were the OW (albeit unknowingly). When you vacated that spot, it was filled by your understudies.

Brightbluesomething · 03/05/2026 11:22

You were happy for him to cheat when you were the OW, but now the shoes on the other foot it’s a problem?
You can stay and stress or be gaslit about it, probably just like his wife was. Or stop being quite so naive and find a man who doesn’t do this. Better still, stay single until you can recognise the massive red flags that you’ve glossed over so far.

toomuchfaff · 03/05/2026 10:57

So if you are in the midst of separating, why are you checking your stbx phone?

She wouldnt care surely? they were separating.

Because you were the OW.

And hes a cheater

And he will cheat again when you are "seperating".

Whether you know you're separating is another matter, maybe youre just at the "let me check you phone stage"

Maybe that is what seperating means...

DeskGnome · 03/05/2026 10:38

I've owned my home for 31 years and I can't recall a builder whom I've every adored and felt the need to Snapchat with.

8misskitty8 · 03/05/2026 10:38

You were one of those women. You were just upgraded ftom Snapchat.

He was 'splitting up' from his wife when you met,? rubbish. He was cheating.
He'll have given the same line to the other Snapchat women.

Firefly100 · 03/05/2026 10:37

Hmm. You had to use Shapchat because he was separating from his wife but she was checking is phone? Seriously? If they were separating why would it be a problem even if she did check his phone and saw the messages? Presumably the issue was that he hadn’t actually informed his wife at that point that they were separating!
On the basis he has clearly already had one affair (you) then yes, he is statistically more likely to do it again.

Fluffyholeysocks · 03/05/2026 10:36

How many of his female clients 'adore' him?

ChristAliveHelp · 03/05/2026 10:34

He’s cheating and he was cheating on his wife with you. A leopard doesn’t change his spots, he’s probably got a few women on the goS

Kaltenzahn · 03/05/2026 10:33

Shady. I would bet his poor wife had no idea they were "separated" when he was messaging you on Snapchat.

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