One daughter a bridesmaid one not invited

I would absolutely pull your eldest DD from the wedding party and boycott the wedding. How ridiculous. 9 is too young to be a bridesmaid anyway.

Bet 9 year old will love that. Would you really do that to your child just to prove a point when they'd been really looking forward to it.

I definitely wouldn’t go. They can’t just invite one Sister!!

None of us would be attending. You don't get to use one child as a prop whilst excluding and upsetting her sibling.

When did weddings become not only selfish but a pointless power flex?! What is a 6 year old honestly going to do to make a wedding less enjoyable? If it was my wedding I honestly wouldn't have the mental energy to pull off such twattery even if I hated kids. If this was my kids I would decline OP. At the very least if 9YO kicked up a stink I'd make a point of taking 6YO to a theme park or something on the wedding day

Weddings are pretty boring. Drop the bridesmaid off and take your other daughter out to do something nice.

Running around anywhere is no better. Still tables BBQ drinks around etc and parents distracted once kid has grazed knee or had arguments

It's not too late to pull her out. They are CFs. Either your other kid is invited or no one goes. Simple.

No, I wouldn't go. It's not 'too late' to say no imho. We had a similar situation years ago in our family and there's still upset years later (literally it will be 25 years next month and it's still a very sore point for everyone involved!!)

Same. We got married in 2011 and invited everyone’s children and we had a whale of a time. No problems or interruptions at all. It was lovely to see them all dressed up and enjoying themselves. I loved making them all little favours for the tables etc.
My SIL and BIL had a child free wedding the year before and lots of guests partners were missing because they were looking after their children. I know which I preferred.

Because they don’t have the same Godfather? I have different godparents to my siblings.
I would be annoyed but I would let my DH take the DD to be bridesmaid. Ask for photos. But do something special with my younger DD and think differently about them as friends. And I would personally pull back from friendship.
I know this would be a me problem, but I don’t care.

You should be teaching your 9
year old to stick up for her little sister and to think about her! Not what you are doing!

I don’t think you can pull the 9 year old at this point.

I think you will have to not go OP and have a mummy / 6 year old day. Maybe go out for lunch, get her nails painted, go to the zoo….make it a super special day so she’s not really bothered. Tell her you weren’t invited too and oh well we will have our own magically day instead!

Please read my post correctly. They ran round the hotel grounds all night. The couple concerned had also hired the hotel grounds, it was part of the package. They laid on a BBQ for the evening guests, daytime guests had had a sit down meal, the evening catering was cheaper.
Some guests sat at tables outside, it was lovely, others were dancing to a disco inside. The kids ranged from 4ish to early teens. The hotel grounds were private and a safe, secure place for the kids. There were outdoor games for kids and adults to play, that went down well after a few drinks.

The number of people who would deliberately damage a nine year old by pulling her out of a role that she's already involved in, is astonishing.

I agree that the bride and groom are acting very badly, but I wouldn't set out to effectively punish the innocent party here. Little girls dream of being bridesmaids and she'll already be invested in it and looking forward to it. When I was nine, no alternative 'treat' would have made up for that @Notmotherofflowergirls .

Personally, if I couldn't bring the B&G round, I'd have one parent (the one closest to the godfather?) attend the wedding, and the other take the six year old somewhere really special and have quality one to one time. She'd probably be glad not to have to watch her sister in a role that she would have loved to have.

Yeah, that’s really unkind. I also don’t think you were unreasonable expecting your other daughter to receive an invitation because, honestly, who on earth could predict that curve ball?
Personally, I would pull her out from the wedding because even by making other fantastic arrangements for your 6 year old, you are still condoning their ridiculous behaviour.
Let them get on with it.
I’m so sorry that someone you obviously thought so well of (enough to make him Godfather) has put you in this situation.

No it isn't I had 3 kids. Should they have been made to all do the same thing at the same time? If so why? They are 3 completely different people

When did people become so precious about weddings? I suppose it does depend on individual circumstances, but they’re supposed to be family affairs. Great aunts having pictures taken with the babies, little boys sliding across the dance floor in their socks, hair slicked to their foreheads from the sweat, little girls dancing and making new friends. They’re supposed to be celebrations. Decline the invite, it’s not too late and completely reasonable considering you’d have to find childcare for the youngest.

Yes, I agree with you it is the SM kind of vibe that has changed the landscape - of weddings and so much else.

The child free ones I have been to are mostly quite sophisticated venues, with food that isn't that child-friendly etc, often running into the evening.

I'm with you that it is a shame to lose sight of the point of the ceremony, and my mum's favourite wedding ever was a country one with jars of wildflowers on the tables in a barn. And yes, children were definitely included.

However, I can see the appeal of a black tie London hotel type reception and really these events have not been suited to children, nor do I think they would have enjoyed them much. In those circumstances, I think child-free for all but those in the bridal party is a simple rule - and even then the bridesmaid/page boys have often been taken home by a grandparent or similar before the meal.

But I do think both couple AND guests have a responsibility to try to stop weddings becoming the kind of bun fights they seem to descend to on MN. Sometimes you get an invitation that isn't the way you would have styled the event. Different if it exclude someone pointedly, but I don't think a younger sibling who is not part of the bridal party at a child free event counts as pointed.

Because that how families work...

Again, only if you make a big thing out of it. Kids need to know that sometimes they will not have one parent there (we were separated but still went to/go to things as w family where appropriate). Neither kids were damaged or needed therapy for spending one day nearly 20 years ago doing something different. I really, really can’t see the problem and you are projecting. No wonder people say young people have no resilience 🙄

Why are people saying that the child is a "prop" just because he wants his godchild in his wedding party but not her sister?

To be honest, my kids were as thick as thieves, and one wouldn't have wanted to go without the other.

That's one awkward situation.
I guess you are going to send older dd with whichever parent was friend of groom. Other parent does something extra nice with younger one

The bridal party is often made up of the bride's side of the family.