One daughter a bridesmaid one not invited

What would you expect your sister to do in that situation?

I think you and DD6 planning a special alternative day out is the best option at this stage OP.
I don’t like what the bride and groom did, but I think that’s your best course of action now, considering your elder DD is already looking forward to her day.

If I was 9 and really excited to be bridesmaid I would have ben really upset if one of my parents wanted to spend the day with my sister rather than spend the day with me. You don’t get many days to be a bridesmaid so I would hope that both my parents would want to see me do it.

Yes, I think this is what the OP is aiming for.

The practicalities alone are a whole load of oddness.

Parents and 9 year old invited.

6 year old not invited.

Parents and 9 year old expected to stay for the whole thing, make merry and presumably drive home at night or stay over.

6 year old is … not with them.

That’s a pretty shit invitation.

This is excellent advice. Gracious, reasonable, classy. DC9 will feel special to be a bridesmaid and have a good time at the wedding with her father (a photo of daddy/daughter dance would be a great reminder of the day), and DC6 will enjoy a special mommy/daughter day with you. Make it fancy and girly and fun.

It's by far the best way to handle this situation. If no one goes, both girls will feel guilt and resentment. You can choose to let DC 9 be a bridesmaid and not take away the fun and excitement that goes along with it, and also give DC6 a really special day of her own.

So basically:
No one goes = 🙁 for everyone.
2 separate special days = 😊 for all of you.

I know which I'd choose.

Yes so we agree

Times move on. Traditional weddings in rural England were like that too. My wedding 20 years ago was quite the village event. Plus I have a big family. It was a choice of accepting expectations or eloping. I decided not to disappoint everyone who has loved me my whole life, so we had a big wedding with children and provided tea and cake for all the little old ladies in the village who like to come to a wedding to see the dress.

Exactly

I never understand why people do this when they know it will cause upset. If you want flower girls just bloody well invite the siblings. If you want a child-free wedding don’t have flower girls.

I don’t agree with the kid not being invited but you don’t stop the other one doing something cos the other one can’t.

I didn’t have my BIL step daughter as a flower girl even though he step sister was but she was invited as a guest.

I also hate this we all come or no one comes attitude people have! You aren’t all attached at the hip but in this case it should have been the family unit or just the adults

I’ve never come across that mindset here in Ireland. All weddings I’ve ever gone to including my own are just children who are in the bridal party or nieces and nephews of the bride and groom. Certainly not everyone invited.

I personally think I'd have to consider all the logistics before deciding... If the wedding is close enough in location for a day visit, and transport is easy, I'd carry on as planned - your dh/dd9 go to the wedding, while you and dd6 do something else that's going to be a fun treat. If it's far away and involving an overnight stay, I would probably get your dh to speak to the groom about how you can't make it because you need to care for dd6, then see if they extend the offer to all of you.
Someone declined my wedding invitation because I didn't give them a +1... sometimes you just can't. But her declining my invitation was fine. She was allowed to do that, just as much as I was allowed to not invite her DP, who I'd never met!

To my utter shame, I realised, many years later how I must have hurt 1 young girl by asking her younger sister and younger cousin to be flower girls and not inviting her to the wedding.
It just didn’t strike me.
🥲

This kind of thing affects children very deeply.

? She wasn't even invited to the wedding. So no - no one goes. The people getting married are awful to do this.

Totally agree.

I had a child free wedding in the early 90s. Not new.

Not read the full thread but this is completely ridiculous.

i sympathise with wanting a child free wedding and I understand child free except for babes in arms, as that recognises that it’s very difficult to leave very young baby, particularly if breastfeeding.

child free apart from decorative children is just obnoxious, cake-eating behaviour.

She wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid. You should not stop one child having an experience because the other one isn’t having it. That’s just life

It is so rude, how awful.

Ridiculous!! Weddings have become absolutely ridiculous these days.
Most marriages end in divorce anyway.
I'd decline the invite and distance myself. Id just explain to your 9 year old it isnt ok to leave her sister out.

The only children at our wedding were the 2 flower girls aged (6 & 8) and there 2 younger siblings. I wouldn’t have dreamt of not asking the other child in a family unit. I understand why your youngest isn’t in the bridal party but not invited is sly. Even if they said only for part of it and then needed to leave at a certain time, like before the evening reception

I think they are about a couple declaring commitment to one another, in this case the grooms goddaughter is invited. I don't see them as a family party.

With the 'exclusion' arguments being made on this thread you could argue it's appalling the 6 year old isn’t a godddaughter...but I wouldn't because I dont think it's a big issue..any if it