One daughter a bridesmaid one not invited

I was asked if I was having page boys at my wedding. I replied ' no I can't stand page boys' . Ages later I realised that the person who asked, wanted her son to be page boy. It had never entered my head.

Off-topic, but you can't stand page boys? Eh?

You can’t bring a 6-year old to a wedding she’s not invited to!
OP’s DH already queried the invitation.

I mean, officially churches are open to all (is the ceremony in a church?) but from a social etiquette point of view it would be really odd for OP and DD6 to turn up, unless it was the bride and groom’s suggestion that they do.

I’d be declining the invitation and teaching your DD who is invited that you never leave family out, especially children.

No I couldn’t leave one of my children at home while the rest of us went as a family to celebrate a wedding. I found it challenging enough when my mother in law got married and didn’t invite her grandchildren (3,8,18)

This is ridiculous.
You cannot deprive 9yo of her big day. It is probably the only time she will be a bridesmaid. People don't get married nowadays. Probably because it's too much hassle.
She knows the menu and everything. If possible, by all means take the younger child to the ceremony. Just explain that the rest of the day is boring and for grown ups. Doesn't anyone on mn ever tell their kids this?
Include her in helping to get big sister ready. If she is allowed at ceremony buy her a nice dress to wear.
Then, either mum and young child go home. Or youngest goes to granny or someone.

I can appreciate that maybe the bride doesn't want kids playing up during the ceremony. I have seen toddlers do this. Surely, a 6 year old wouldn't.
2 anecdotes: I was asked if I was having page boys at my wedding. I replied ' no I can't stand page boys' . Ages later I realised that the person who asked, wanted her son to be page boy. It had never entered my head.
2) I wasn't a bridesmaid at a family wedding. My cousin the same age was, my sister was. I was told I wasn't because I wasn't girly enough. I was always wearing jeans.
Brides can be thoughtless. Life isn't fair. Deal with it.

This is a really unfair take. It's the fault of the couple doing the inviting.

Anyway, if the older sister needs her mother to be there to see it, surely she'll be upset that her sister won't be there to see her either? Or is the sister so unimportant in the family that her presence or absence is irrelevant?

We agree it’s awful. I don’t agree that the others don’t attend the wedding

Can you not go the wedding, leave the youngest with you mum and then on a separate day leave your eldest with you mum and do something with the 6 year old. That way they both get a day.

I can’t imagine leaving one member of a family unit out as I a have previously said but it’s happening so make the best of it.

You are right about friends. Family and friends. Friends and family. And family are often made up of adults and kids.

Declaring a commitment to each other in front of family and friends who are there to support them in keeping that commitment. And a joyous celebration too. Eh, weddings have changed so much since my day.

Just wondering if it is a church wedding OP? If so, the church service part of it is generally seen as open to all (there were certainly some people at our church service who were just regular members of the congregation if I recall correctly), and you could attend that part with DD2 and both enjoy seeing DD1 being a bridesmaid before going off to do your own thing for the rest of the afternoon/evening.

If OP also attends the wedding to watch her 9-year old be a bridesmaid, I'm sure that her 6 year old sister will always remember the day her parents and sister had a lovely day at a wedding without her. It can't all be about the 9-year old. Her sister is as important so OP should decline the invitation and do someone nice with her younger daughter.

Yes, that's true that you described a typical wedding, but my point was more that the point of the wedding isn't about 6 year olds having "family and friends making a fuss of her." That's a child's event, and if the bride and groom feel they style they want doesn't involve 6 year olds "sitting at a posh grown up table" I think that's fair enough personally.

Also nothing wrong with it if that's the vibe they do want.

She’s 9 not 19. I am not sure she will be bothered but it is amazing how many people have memories of things like this from childhood. I, personally, would be upset if both my parents hadn’t been there but I understand that other children wouldn’t have cared. My dad missed a concert of mine when I was about 11 and I still remember him not being there to this day

I have described a big, traditional white wedding. They normally consist of people getting dressed up, dancing to really well known songs and singing and partying with family. Whether your budget is 5k and you’re doing it the local social club or your budget is 500k and your doing it in St Tropez, that’s what happens. Either way six year old girls will love it.

I didn’t describe a Disney wedding, just a wedding. Maybe the wedding in question is a more unconventional affair and is goth themed, but in the main, little girls love getting dressed up and dancing. Shame the little girl in question is the only one in her family excluded.

i can understand wanting both parents to see you be a bridesmaid but if your sibling was not included in the wedding i think i'd understand that compromise was needed and one parent being with there would be the compromise.

What about the other child? It's not their godparent. .

@Notmotherofflowergirls

Have you actually checked with the godfather that your daughter is attending the entire wedding day? I know it sounds daft, but other posters make a good point. After the ceremony and photos will she be expected to leave, so they can have the childfree event they obviously want.

No I can still remember not being allowed to do something as a child as my brother was" too young" to do it. Never left me that feeling and I'm mid 50s

If I was close enough to a wedding couple that they wanted one of my children as a bridesmaid, I would be gutted/very confused that they were not close enough to my other child to even invite her.

There was a thread on here a while back where a child was a flower girl but not invited to the actual wedding! Attending the service, then cut loose until the evening do, where the parents were also invited.

I'd stay home with 6 year old.

I agree that it would be lovely for both parents to be at the wedding as their eldest is a bridesmaid. But, there is another child who needs to be looked after.

In this scenario, it makes perfect sense for the Dad to attend the wedding with the 9 year old and the Mum to take the 6 year old out for a special day. If it were me, I would not be palming my 6 year old off onto family for the day so she would have to spend the day with me.

How the sister feels doesn't appear to matter

Exactly this. Seems a lot of drama tbh.