One daughter a bridesmaid one not invited

If your DH is the connection to the bride and groom then I think he should be the person to stay with your 6 year old and you go with your eldest OP. If the B&G ask why he isn’t attending he will have to tell them why he isn’t able to go.

I resented my brother big time because I wasn't allowed to eat something because " he was too young for it and it wouldn't be fair" can still remember it over 50 years later.

Realistically it wasn't his fault he was younger admittedly

Now if it had been either of my DDs they wouldn't dream of " backing each other up" no matter what the situation. And they'd be very quick to blame the other for anything. I really couldn't imagine getting away with saying something like that without WW3

No don’t be ridiculous. The 6 yo has done nothing wrong, the 9yo will know that.
Any resentment will be at the bride and groom who’ve been unfair in not including both children. Weddings aren’t actually much fun for kids anyway.

I would cancel your eldest child’s involvement op (not too late} and go somewhere super fun and special as a family instead. Legoland, the zoo etc.

Kids birthday parties and wedding are two totally different events and most people have different expectations around invitations to them. Most wedding invites don’t exclude members of the same family even if one child is a bridesmaid whereas kids parties are usually for direct friends school mates etc.

No there really isn’t and is down to the people holding the event

There is no custom of inviting friends families to your birthday party and instead of celebrating their birthday celebrating the bonds of marriage and family. These are different types of ‘parties’.

They are doing the no children rule for everyone but the bridal party. This is fair

not read the full thread (I know) but know what will be repeated about this being unfair

what happens, as it will, oldest child gets invited to party and the younger one not, you all just going to rock up?

it’s the eldests god father. Just let them enjoy the day and not make it about you and your 6 year old

Not blackmail. Negotiation. They want one of your daughters to perform on their big day, but intend to exclude your younger one. Causing problems for you as a family logistical, emotional, ethical. You point this out and make a counter offer. They reconsider, or don't.

Is that an option? Could your Mum look after your 6 year old?

You said
I am not leaving her with anyone I will have to miss wedding.
Do you literally never leave your children with anyone else ever? Not even a GP?

You do sound like you are being a bit over dramatic about this. Potentially your 6 year old could have a lovely time being centre of Grandma's attention for the day and you won't be spoiling the day at all for your 9byear old by not being there for her.

Yes, the Miserable Couple have chucked a hand grenade into this family's life but are oblivious to the fact.

Well you said 'but in this case it should have been the family unit or just the adults'

If she does, that is the point where you tell her not to be so selfish and to think of her sister being left out.

A 9-y-o wanting both her parents there to see her being a bridesmaid, and f@ck what her younger sister thinks of being left out, is a Bridezilla in the making.

Why would you put this to your eldest daughter as being her sisters fault?!!! When it isn’t for a start and for another you will cause unpleasant unnecessary feelings between them!
the problem is being caused by your “friends” who I’d put it to them that tjeu will cause upset between the two sisters if your youngest one isn’t even invited so they either have both children or neither! And also make it clear to your 9 year old that the situation these people have put you in is wrong but that as a sister she needs to be backing up her sister and NOT randoms!

Are you on touch with the other flower girls parents who are in the same position, @Notmotherofflowergirls ? If be interested in how they're managing the situation.

It’s shit because A, you and your daughter can’t go. And B, you’ll miss seeing the older DD be a bridesmaid.

It’s a really crappy situation they have put you in.

OP has said her six year old WILL mind. Everyone saying kids find weddings boring are mad, kids have a whale of a time at weddings. Little girls especially, love it! Yes yes yes I appreciate not all girls, but my daughter would be distraught at seeing her Dad and sister head off to a wedding in their finery whilst I took her to Alton Towers or Legoland. It just wouldn’t cut it.

I think this is really tricky.
is the godfather close with you or your husband originally?
If it's your husband then maybe he can go with your 9 yo and help her get ready.
you can have a day out with the 6 yo?

I'm a fully single mum so I don't really get all the upset around having to do everything together all the time. The kids will be ok if you and your DH frame it in an ok way.

Hope it works out x

I'm with you on this. They're 'about' whatever they happen to mean to the couple getting married. Aside from the legal convention of a couple making a formal commitment, if it's not my wedding, I don't get to get to dictate what other social contracts govern what the event should or shouldn't mean.

A PP upthread commented that child-free weddings are the future and people will simply have to get used to it. Fair. If a couple wants to host a child-free wedding, it's 'their wedding their choice' to invite whoever they want. But if a child-free wedding, or destination wedding or whatever, causes some invited guests unnecessary family angst, money or inconvenience, it's also entirely their choice as to whether or not they accept. The bride and groom don't get to dictate the terms on which people accept or decline. Not unless, that is, they want to kick up a big old fuss and demand the world bends to their will. Unfortunately, this has rather a nasty habit of not turning out well.

Weddings just don't merit the kind of hot air they sometimes generate. A kid not being invited isn't the end of the world, and neither is OP's non-attendance.

It's just a wedding.

It’s juvenile histrionics.

It’s not blackmail, it’s teaching your children, that you’re a family and you look out for each other.

Yeah, always a good idea to try to blackmail the people getting married into changing their guest policy.

But its not too late.
I would tell the bride to be that this is not acceptable for you see what they say if they dont change their mind at least to let the other one attend I would pull out altogether.

Yes your daughter will be disappointed but explain to her your reasons.

Even worse for your poor 6 year old if you let this happen. She’s not going to the wedding and will be stuck in the house all day as by the time you get 9 year old ready it will be too late to do anything decent. Her memories of today and her exclusion from all the fun and her disappointment will be with her a long time. Far better to bin the day off and do something great with both. You can lie and say wedding cancelled as quite frankly going forward you should have nothing to do with bride and groom as they have demonstrated a complete lack of care for one of your children. Will there be other occasions in future where they sideline your little one as she’s not their goddaughter? How will this make her feel? These religious people seem to lack any empathy.