One daughter a bridesmaid one not invited

And you’re having a pop at me because????????

6 year olds definitely care about weddings - to them it's a party. But hey, who cares about children and their feelings.

Bride and groom that's all that matter apparently.

When did this become a thing? When did weddings stop being about celebrating with your family (including children) and start being an instagram fest that is purely to show off?

I can fully see why you’re annoyed, I think it would annoy me too.

I can’t quite see the bride and groom’s logic behind it personally but they will have talked it out before going with it so it obviously makes sense to them.

I would decline. Just as they are free to make the choices that will make them happiest, so are you.

"Perfoming" nails it.

And I do wonder what the Miserable Couple's plan is for the children once they've performed their role.

I hate the idea of excluding children from weddings. I'd probably say we could no longer come and I stead do a fun family activity so both dad's could be included. If you allow one DD to go and the other rejected I think that is poor parenting.

I would argue that it's also too late for them to pull this kind of stunt! I wouldn't hesitate to pull her out.

Why do they need flower girls if its a child free wedding?

Why do you assume she won't care about being invited to a wedding?

OP has said she was initially disappointed not to also be chosen as a bridesmaid, but has come around over time. So there have clearly been quite a few conversations about it.

None of us would be going. My oldest is about to turn 8 and she'd understand if she couldn't be a bridesmaid because her little brother wasn't invited. I'd plan a special day with both kids instead.

If you want a child free wedding then don't use children as accessories that you can take out to use for photographs and then expect them to be put back in their box

None of my family would be going in this situation and I would be very clear why.

Well, the OP should have checked at the time, especially as a previous family wedding was also childfree apart from the wedding party children.

Why isn’t your younger daughter also a bridesmaid?
Are they concerned about her behaviour? Or do they have different godparents? why did you accept one daughter being asked to be a bridesmaid but not the other? Certainly without clarifying the details first.

It really isn't.

You now havevadditional.information, which changes the situation significantly. Namely, that you won't be thete.

If your 6-y-o is emotionally mature enough to dealnwith the disappointment of not being a bridesmaid, your 9-y-o should be old enough to deal with a similar disappointment, especially when told the reason why.

Pull out before the Miserable Couple have shelled our for a dress.

Exactly. (Though I am also imagining you driving over a cliff or stapling your ear as you say it.😀)

...forgot to add: "How the British love their children"

Childfree weddings WTF.

There’s a lot of projection going on here. A 6 year old is not going to care if she’s not invited to a wedding.

What would be mean would be to tell the older child she’s no longer a bridesmaid because her mother is sulking.

This is ridiculous. Surely they must see how unreasonable it is. Can you discuss it with them?

Creating this kind of division in families is just plain mean! I wouldn’t agree to one being a bridesmaid/flower girl if siblings weren’t at least invited to the wedding! And if I were a bride to be I would even contemplate it!

Good for you! And I'd delegate all the dress fittings, shoe-buying and stuff to your DH or anyone else willing to pick up the slack. And I wouldn't be rushing to choose or buy a present either.

I agree OP - it’s weird and mean to the younger child. Children aren’t props to put away after the ceremony and photos.

If there are children in the bridal party, then it's not a childfree wedding. It's a horrible comparison, bear with, but if I had a single nit in my hair, I still have nits, I'm not nit-free.

It might be 'childfree' to the bride and groom choosing their human props, but I think it's extremely rude, and I say this as someone who had a childfree wedding.

It's not too late to pull out, it really isn't. Tell the kids you have a lovely surprise planned, and do something together, like dressing up and going out for the day to a nice restaurant etc.

Child free weddings are fine. Child free apart from wedding party or only close relatives are also fine. Even your brother not including your DDs is understandable as presumably the bride was making up her own bridal party. However, it's been really dumb of this groom to not consider that his goddaughter has a little sister and that your whole family will have already talked about the wedding. Maybe you can play down the wedding as 'a rather boring grown-up party' and plan a really fun day for the younger girl, either with you or grandparents. It would be harsh to withdraw the flower girl now and you would have to come up with a reason that didn't blame her sister.

The OP specifies that there are two other children in the wedding party who have siblings who are not invited. Perhaps the OP could band together with the other parents to stoke her ire still further. Or, alternatively, discover they’re completely unbothered.

I wouldn't be leaving one of my kids out of a family celebration. Not a chance. None of us would go.

I would however happily change my mind if they were all subsequently invited, however reluctant the invitation, as family is important to me.