One daughter a bridesmaid one not invited

Actually, I think lots of brides are basically trying to create a Disney Princess experience for themselves. The marriage is almost by the by.

I'd be upset too, but actually it might be a blessing in disguise. Now you have an excuse to pull out of a boring wedding where if invited, your six year old would have to be seen and not heard. DH can deal with the eldest while you can take your youngest for a fun day out to a theme park instead.

I would withdraw the other dd, yes she’ll be upset but it’s a good life lesson.

When I was about 5 I remember a friend of mine being a bridesmaid and she came back from the wedding with a necklace as a gift. I can vividly remember her showing it to me and I remember being really envious. I never got to be a bridesmaid as a child and was gutted. Nearly 45 years later I can still remember that moment.

I don’t see a problem that your DD1 has been selected as bridesmaid, if she is the groom’s god-daughter. Your DD2 is not, hence the difference. However, it would be mean for all of you to go to the wedding except for DD2. So you should just send your DH to the wedding to look after DD1, and you and your younger daughter should plan a nice day out together. Your DH should say to the groom that you obviously can’t go as you will be looking after DD2, it’s quite simple.

It doesn’t merit the drama you are making of it and DD2 won’t be bothered unless YOU are making a big deal about it. There are lots of things in life that siblings will do separately for lots of reasons, and that’s ok.

TBF though, the bride and groom aren't staging a Disney Princess experience for minors, which is kind of what you have described; they are celebrating their marriage.

People using kids as wedding props. Brilliant assessment. I don't understand it.

Imagine being 6 years old and getting dropped off at your grandparents for the day while your older sister and parents go off for a fun day out. Surprised that a few posters (apparently) see no issue with that.

Having said that, it would conceivably be harder for the 6 yo to be at the wedding but not part of the wedding party. I think taking her out separately for a really fun day is a good idea. Maybe she could get a new outfit too. Don't make her sister miss out on being a bridesmaid though.

I don’t think you’ve met many six year old girls. Mine would be devastated about missing a family wedding. It’s literally everything she loves all rolled up in one day, new dress, hair done, Mum and dad all dolled up, family and friends making a fuss of her, sitting at a posh grown up table, fancy pudding, music in the evening, dancing in said posh frock. My god, she would love it.

I would probably send bridesmaid DD to the wedding with Dad and do something special myself with younger DD. I wouldn't want the youngest to feel particularly excluded but I also wouldn't want to cause resentment from the oldest or make her feel like she can only function as a unit with her sister. As they get older they're going to do more things separately and wouldn't want DD1 to feel like she can't accept invitations if they aren't also extended to DD2.

Children are part of the family. I find it very odd not to invite them.
As to behaviour. Some might be good, some might not be. That is life.
This search for perfection for your day comes at a price. Not a nice one.
If the people you invite have a child, the child comes too.

This is a sane response imo.

This is ridiculous to not even allow the other one there 🤯 unbelievable

Wow I've heard it all now. Absolutely ridiculous

Yes. i think it really is this simple.

Tbh I think "child-free but siblings of bridal party are allowed" is far more complicated and unreasonable than "child-free other than the bridesmaid."

If having a child-free wedding, that's what I'd do.

But how would that work if both parents want to be at the wedding? If they know the person getting married equally well.

honestly if have been devastated to have missed my DD being a bridesmaid. Opportunities don’t come up very often and it would have upset me to have missed the day to see her play her part.

Child-free weddings are common, that's true. Weddings are ridiculously expensive to host and this is one way of keeping the guest list down.

However, they will sometimes make parents' attendance more trouble than it's worth. No problem at all if the bride and groom accept this; not so fine if they kick up a fuss about it or demand the attendance of one child whilst excluding the other.

Weddings are really not 'all that', except to the people who are marrying.

This is what I did when one of mine was a bridesmaid at a family wedding that was mostly childfree. Youngest spent the day with her dad and grandparents having lots of fun at legoland and the eldest and I went to the wedding. We just framed it as the youngest being too young to be a bridesmaid (she was 4) so would have a different kind of fun with her dad at a theme park that the eldest (7) had already decided was too you got her. No drama. No angst. No begging for an invite for all. Just two happy girls spending one on one time with each parent.

Totally disagree. Yes, child free weddings are pretty normal. Yes, child free weddings except bridal party (e.g bridesmaids, page boys) are also pretty normal. But no one splits child siblings like that. You just don’t do that.

In this instance, they have 9 year old as a bridesmaid and therefore have to invite the 6 year old.

If I were you OP I would stay home with the six year old. It speaks volumes. Other guests will know as a mother of a bridesmaid you would want to see her dressed up and being in the bridal party. It’s really cruel that you and your younger child won’t get to see that.

This

I don’t think anyone has a problem with the wedding being child free. Just that it is weird to allow one child from a family and not another. When my daughter was 5 she was a bridesmaid for her godmother and we brought her younger brother along. There were a few other children invited but it wasn’t open season for all children of guests. My daughter was bridesmaid because the bride is my best friend. She wouldn’t have dreamt of not inviting my son if my daughter was there because she loves them both regardless of only one being her god child. I wouldn’t have been offended however if she had not invited either.

Wedding stuff really does drive wedges though. My dc weren’t invited to BILs wedding at all. And he’s their bloody godfather. At the time, they were teens and wouldn’t have stood out amongst the adults. DH was really pissed off. As the wedding was abroad as well and it would have meant him going alone (we had nobody to take the kids for several days, nor would I have left them to go abroad for several days without either me or DH). Apparently it was absolutely strictly no children no exceptions no nothing. So DH didn’t go. Was really pissed off with his brother. We then found out that the bride let her mate bring a 3yo. So not your blood family, godchildren teens who would have blended in, but an Unrelated 3yo who ran about. Yes your wedding your choice. But also your consequences to bear. We haven’t seen BIL for many years now.

Weddings were once simpler affairs. "Something old, something borrowed."

I think it's the move toward having everything perfect for The Bride's Big Day which will be photographed in detail by the costly photographer so everything can be splashed across instagram. This has resulted in pushing the boat out for fancier and fancier venues, menus etc, which cost more and more.

But as much as the couples are at fault, I do think once upon a time guests got an invitation and didn't feel the need to stage an intervention by pulling the bridesmaid etc because the younger sibling wasn't invited.

There is just way too much forceful energy on both sides.

Not all of us agree on everything so it’s not about what people chose to do about their weddings. You chalk this down to experience and next time you get an invite you and the rest of us here will remember to ask who exactly is invited.

If it were me, I would tell the relative that as they’ve excluded your 6year old wont attend and will stay with her. No drama response so you can have a friendship and you 9y/o will have a relationship with her god father.

@Notmotherofflowergirls I'd pull her out and spend any money that would be spent on the wedding on a trip away at the same time. Don't let insta fuckers dictate your family life. Your dd will get over it.