This is bonkers mummy behaviour

I've had the same experience. Gentle (not permissive) parenting of my 16 and 18 yo. Never any behaviour issues, lovely, respectful young adults doing well at school. Their peers who had strict parents who would berate them in public are the ones who ended up angry, rebellious teens doing drugs and getting excluded.
I find it surprising when people say children are worse these days too, especially teachers. I wonder how long they have been in the profession. I was in school in the 90s/early 00s and seen teachers get shouted at by pupils and even one get physically assaulted. Pupils were smoking on the premises and walking off school grounds without a care in the world. There were daily fights between pupils that needed breaking up by staff, fire alarms getting broken for the fun of an evacuation. People always seem to think the current generation is so much worse than ones of the past but I'm not sure they ever are.

Sounds like she was conflicted between getting changed and home, and letting him explore a bit. Toddler like to wander around, it's what they do.

You’re seeing her this time- maybe she’s tried the pick up thing and he’s tried to wriggle out, had meltdowns etc, maybe she’s bottom of the barrel exhausted and can’t pick him up or bear having everyone give her filthy looks because he’ll scream so loud. I’ve done all iterations over the years and people judge you for everything

Oh gosh! I’ve met Joe now aged 12. Unfortunately he was my son’s best friend at the time. I invited him for tea and he was a little shit. When his Dad came to pick him up we had at least 20-25 mins of ‘Joe let’s go’ ‘Joe it’s time to go’ etc etc. I think eventually I snapped and picked up Joe’s stuff and told my son to say ‘goodbye’ and walked to the door with Joe’s stuff in my hand otherwise they’d still be here now!

His parents were for ever at the school complaining how unfairly treated their son was. Apparently the school were also unreasonable for expressing concerns and calling them in when he wrote a letter in French to a mythical French pen pal (a class exercise) stating he hated him and if he saw him he would stab them to death. According to Joe’s parents that was just boys being boys and the school were being totally unreasonable. The school eventually refused to allow him into six form after being caught with drugs in the fifth form.

Thankfully my son saw the light and they stopped being friends with him.

This thread should form part of a quiz. Which posters can you spot who work as a teacher or in another childcare setting?!

If it's going to be a faff getting changed after swimming, I'd rather it was a faff because we spent five minutes choosing a cubicle than a faff because I didn't let my overtired toddler choose and they went rigid with rage, screamed the whole time we were getting changed, and refused the snack that would have made them feel better.

I think that's a legitimate parenting choice when a child is probably tired, cold, hungry and uncomfortable - doing something you know will tip them over the edge probably won't teach them much.

She was probably tired, taking a toddler swimming is hard work. I hope OP and the other posters being so judgemental are getting their little kicks and feeling of superiority they need from judging a parent for such a minor error. You really do see the worst of people on this site.

This reminds me of living in London and at rush hour woman would let little oscar, the barely walking toddler swipe her oyster card and let him be out of the pram in rush hour on a very busy train...one morning the woman said ''come on oscar you're holding up the line'...I couldn't help myself to say 'no one thinks it's Oscars fault he's holding up the line'

In a school setting gentle parenting and permissive parenting have precisely the same outcomes.

Six year olds who need a ten minute discussion about why they have to stop throwing the play doh around and parents who are furious that the need for a discussion wasn’t indulged.

Didn't even see this comment - agree entirely. My kids aren't adults but I've already noticed this as per my comment. On a smaller scale, most of my friends have disabled children (all our kids go to a special school) and there's seeningly absolutely no way to predict which ones have violent challenging behaviour.

I'd be hugely tempted to march up to Joe and say "right Joe, enough of this nonsense. Your mummy needs to get you changed and get you both home. I'll get very cross if you don't do as you're told this minute!"

No doubt mummy would lose her shit at me but 🤷

I obviously don't know Joe or his mother, but isn't it possible that she knows from previous experience that if she picks him up and takes him into a cubicle, he'll have a tantrum that will bring the walls down? I'd think that would be more annoying to other people.

I tend to live and let live (unless someone is parenting in an obviously abusive way or harmful way).

God, I remember all the mistakes I made when the kids were small. All the judgement: too soft, too hard, need to get a job and not be a SAHM, need to work less, could never seem to get it right.

My kids are severely (and obviously) disabled and I still got given unsolicited advice or tuts, or insinuations I caused their severe intellectual disabilities with my very normal parenting ("have you tried talking to them more?"). I've seen at least one person on this thread has already joked how swimming pool child will be labelled SEN.

And after all that, I'm not even sure how much "parenting" influences how kids turn out anyway. My children are very close in age and completely different.

I don't know anyone who refers to a young child as their best friend. Isn't that usually something some people say about teens or young adult children?

I was a relatively gentle parent, but we still had boundaries and rules and, of course, some situations in which you just pick up the child and get on with it. And all three grown up to be fully functioning members of society and very nice people too. No issues in school or with teachers or peers.

If anything, it's the people I know who were overly strict authoritarian parents who ran into trouble in the teen years.

Giving children choices means - do you want to wear the red jumper or the blue one? Or what will we buy, spaghetti or macaroni? Or shall we go to play on the swings of feed the ducks?

Not walking them into Tesco and letting them dictate the entire shop, obviously. Or behaving like Joe's mum and not being a parent.

This choice thing has definitely gone too far! Children need a max of two options whenever they're offered a choice, especially 2 year olds! Both options should be palatable to the adult, eg orange or banana? Getting the F changed should not be optional. How each parent does this is up to them but nobody wants to hear their narration on little Daisy’s life. Children need them to take charge in a kind but firm way.

I'm fine thanks, just chilled, so nice randoms are asking about me😀

My 3 kids are grown up now. I am often surprised when I look back and see a lack of correlation between annoying, stupid parenting and how the kids turned out. I had a friend who never said 'no' to her one precious perfect son: he is a very happy, hardworking, disciplined 30 year old now. Then there was my friend who put her children in full time day care at 6 weeks (in the US) and never took more than 2 weeks leave a year: 2 happy, well-adjusted, men in their late 20s who are close to one another and to their parents. Lots of other kids with other stories- the correlations are not clear.

The only thing that seems clear to me is that parents who are unable to be reasonably authoritative parents who are also kind, flexible, and clear-headed, tend not to have such a happy time when they are parents of young children (and their kids don't seem particularly settled and comfortable either). The kids often turn out wonderfully well in the end, though.

Perhaps it is a parent who has seen the outcome of picking her son up and ushering him into a cubicle and is trying something different to see if it works. What was the end of the interaction with him?

Oh sod off re the ADHD assessment comment.

🙄

OK Alice calm down 😂

This isn't about snap shots of anything, no one took a photo.
I wasn't referring to the swim woman so some of you need to stop the fake not understanding.
I was talking about parents who follow 'my child is my best friend' is not the way to go if you are the adult the child isn't your best friend. Because as I said previously, best friends don't tell you when to go to bed, eat your veggies and tell you you can only have 1/2 hour screen time, but a parent will do those things.
Why is it so difficult to understand?

Lots of comments about gentle/permissive parenting, what will these kids grow up to be like as adults etc. I am around 50. Lots of people around me grew up with strict parenting and did what they were told at home.

Lots of them still grew up to be whinging, incompetent, bitter, angry and violent arseholes who can't handle criticism.

Gentle parenting should absolutely involve boundaries. Any fucking parenting should involve boundaries.

Your child should not be your best friend. You are their parent. Quite a different relationship.