This is bonkers mummy behaviour

I don't know what that means?

Or are you saying because I mentioned having ND kids I'm one of those parents?

Oh. OK.

I often wonder the same, people raised in the 1970s claim to be raised with almost no supervision and possibly they were but now growing up and as parents all the ones I know were clearly into helicopter parenting.

I’m aware of that, the original comment about choices in supermarkets didn’t say anyone was letting a toddler run the shop so I took this as offering choices and involving them as I do with mine in age appropriate manners.

That dc will hate swimming.. He'll associate it with being wet and cold for bloody ages after the lesson..

This is really true. I have a friend who totally spoilt her daughter and the child was a brat. But now she is in her 20's and is a really lovely young woman. I was considered stricter than some of my friends and I've no doubt at times I was judged for that. I too have 2 children in their 20's who are well adapted adults who I am very close with. In reality I think being loved and cared for is the true indicator of how you turn out, not your day to day parenting style.

Yep. Whatever you do youre made to feel like absolute shit. I feel bad for her.

@Northermcharn oh how sad. I'd probably have just said aloud "you've got this mum" and just left it at that. Sometimes just being acknowledged is enough but not making a big song and dance about it. I had a wriggly DD that I was trying to get into a trolley at a supermarket the once. It was chucking it down with rain and she was being a very defiant 2 year old and I felt everyone was staring. Out of nowhere a middle aged woman came over with a trolley and a quick "take this one it's dry and I've finished with it" was enough on what was a very challenging day.

That faint popping sound you can hear is Alanis Morrissette exploding.

Poor Joe. He’s thinking “please mummy - just make the decision”.

OP, there is more than one way to skin a cat. I was probably more on the gentle parenting side of things. My DCs are adults now. They both worked very hard at school, behaved very well and both have jobs. DC1 graduated with a 1st and works full time. DC2 is a student and probably will also get a 1st, despite the fact that they work about 20 hours a week in paid work during term time (and more in the holidays). Both are decent people with friends, hobbies and generally very responsible.

Joe’s mum may be useless but equally she may well understand exactly what works for Joe. It’s impossible for any of us to know based on this little snippet.

Gentle parenting is a load of rubbish
it doesn’t work and creates entitled snowflakes
parents should parent - no pander

I am sure that I read somewhere that letting a young child make all the choices put them in the impossible position of leading the family when they don’t even know what they want themselves, which in turn makes children incredibly anxious and insecure.

That’s a parent gently abdicating parenting on favour of her little child.

My kids are teens now but I remember those swimming lesson days. Loved them (miss them). One thing I've never forgotten though is when DD and I were in a cubicle after swimming lesson. Next door cubicle also occupied by mum and DS (who I hadn't seen just heard next door). The boy started screaming and crying non stop. It felt like there was a crying going out of control little tasmanian devil next door, whilst she was trying to get them both changed. For ages. the mum trying to pacify him, calm down its ok what's wrong come on its ok please etc etc for a bit longer. Then suddenly silence, pause then
'Mummy, why are you crying?'. I then heard her sobbing.
Oh I felt for that mum. I wasn't sure what to do or if I should say something in solidarity through the cubicle, like we've all been there or do you fancy a coffee? But in the end I decided she might rather just get on and not be noticed as such. I often wonder did I do the right thing to just carry on and leave our cubicle to go home.

What would anyone else have done?

I don't think this was taking the piss (I have 2 ND children).

But we all know THAT parent who insists their kid is ND/has some other issue that means they can't possibly be expected to behave. And if they do get a diagnosis they can't have a conversation without mentioning it.

There is a type of parent who does this.

Insane. Sometimes I feel I parented in a different universe 🙄

That's not gentle parenting.

Madness

Your voice of experience sounds more like guesswork with a massive side helping of prejudice. ☹️ ADHD is a significant diagnosis - not something to take the piss over.

Exactly re gentle parenting - boundaries and rules are a fundamental part of gentle parenting.

Both extremes - permissive and authoritarian - aren't really that common. Most people in my experience are some combination of gentle and authoritative parents. And most mothers of toddlers are somewhere between tired and falling down exhausted.

It's clear a lot of people are still cats arsing about gentle parenting without bothering to know what it is.

But 'would you like to buy red apples or green ones DS?' is not the same thing as making the poor (probably tired) child take control of the situation.

'Would you like this cubicle or that one? ' could be an appropriate choice. Wandering round dripping wet for ages while you both get cold and pissed off isn't sensible or fair on the child.

Child probably doesn't realise that the reason he's upset is that he's cold, hungry and tired and the way to fix that is to get changed, have a snack and go home. He just knows he's uncomfortable right now and he needs mummy to sort it out.

Age appropriate choices and chat are great.

Making toddlers take control of entire scenarios is not developmentally appropriate.

Having said that, some kids are naturally 'non compliant' and make a fight out of the smallest thing, but that doesn't sound like what the OP described. .

Yep this drives me to distraction too. The worst case of ‘gentle parenting’ I have seen was a mum at my eldest DC’s primary school. Her son was frankly a menace- constantly in trouble at school, one day even took a screwdriver into school and ran around the playground threatening other children with it.

The mum was (I’m sorry there’s no better word for this) pathetic. She had this meek little infantile voice and when he did something out of order she’d just be like “oh “Jack” let’s not do this”. Jack could be holding the entire school hostage and she’d still be there pathetically asking him not to do it.

Tantrums are annoying for the parents and other people. BUT, sometimes a parent has to get on with and if a tantrum follows then that is how it is. It is stressful, I've been there many times. I offer, if practical, to look after a strangers shopping /dog while they sort the kid out. I tell them to ignore random strangers staring and tutting, they are irrelevant in what they think.

This reminds me of a thread I read on here once where the dad took an hour to leave a playdate because he asked the 5 year old if she wanted to go and she didn't 😂

Yep plus manhandling my toddler just wasn't something I ever wanted to do.

Mothers just can't do anything right at all. If she'd picked him up and he started screaming people would still be judging her and making snide predictions about future behaviour.