This is bonkers mummy behaviour

Well yes, it sounds a bit like softly softly catchy monkey. She probably knows he's going to kick off. Mines a bit like that, hence we don't go anywhere that she can show me up. If you say the wrong thing, or in the wrong tone it's a screaming crying meltdown. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you follow the kid around trying to persuade them to come nicely in a soft voice, you get judged and mocked. If you swoop them up after unsuccessfully trying to get them to comply and they meltdown, or you manhandle them or God forbid raise your voice out of frustration you get judged. Our visits to public places are very limited unfortunately and it's not my parenting, it's the child's personality. The older sibling has impeccable behaviour in public.

Well, some parents seem not to believe in just telling their kid what to do. They have to ASK, and CHECK, and make sure that little Timmy approves before anything is done. That seems to be the modern way. I know not everyone does it, but so many do.

I no longer have young kids but all my siblings do, and some of the stuff I see is so disappointing. When did 3 year olds start to get to call the shots?

Are you having “big feelings” wtaf 😱

what a stupid and weird thing to say!!! I’d have laughed loudly

love this happened in John Lewis not primark 🤣
more of a “Kylie get her now otherwise we’re not going to macdonalds” 🤣

I met one of those parents walking around John Lewis, her child was having a tantrum and she was saying 'ow darling are you having big feelings?' I couldn't help but snigger. I assumed this was a middle class thing. Never heard that kind of talk in our playground, it's normally 'stop being a squinny'.

Some people need to get a grip - they’re the grown ups so they should act like it grrrr.
If my kids said ‘Why’ when I told them to do something I said ‘because I say so’ . Even now they send me jokey reels about what my face looked like when I was taking no messing…. Usually a ‘look’ was enough. But then I worked full time in a stressful job - there often wasn’t time for negotiations.
They went away to uni but have chosen to come back and live around the corner and we see each other almost daily - so I couldn’t have been that bad !
ps swimming lessons were my worse nightmare - think Motherland.

Yes! I imagine Dereks mum would be exactly the same in the pool changing rooms 😂

My brother was like this with my nephew. I’d have all 3 under 5s in the car toileted and strapped in while db was negotiating with his son to stop playing please… fuck that. Tickle under the arms, up and out into the car we go before my three stop being angels and all kick off that their cousin is playing while they wait in the car getting bored. Nephew is now 12 and a total brat. I walk away and leave db to it. The irony is db was the most highly strung person I know pre dc.

I hear that about the libraries. I was the same and loved the clear rules and the silence. Actually now the loudest people in it are the staff, yapping about fuck all.

Is that darling Derek with the big emoshuns?

If anyone has TikTok, there’s a great account called Natalie funny mum bestie who does a wet flannel parent impression which sounds a lot like this 😂 I love her videos

I remember a neighbours dc like this 40 years ago. Treated like a little emperor, no boundaries. He went to school and absolutely thrived on the clear rules and firm boundaries.

Schools these days don’t have much in the way of boundaries either. I have an adult diagnosis of autism, and excelled in academic environments but I would struggle in today’s classrooms. Rates of anxiety and school refusal have soared but we’re told it’s all so much better than it was. I’m only talking about the 80s, and no corporal punishment or anything like that. I didn’t need ear defenders because classrooms were much quieter and calmer. I’ve met a lot of parents like me who got diagnosed after their dc did, and their dc’s diagnosis was because they can’t cope well in school.

Even at university level now it’s completely different - a collaborative learning environment where the lecturers can’t just bloody tell you what you need to know, but tries to elicit it from a discussion that gets dominated by Larry Loud Mouth while the lecturer nervously tries to guide the topic back on track without offending Larry because every opinion is equally valid. .

There was also more authority everywhere in the past. Weak parents told their little Joes to behave because the traffic warden…because the librarian…because the usher… because the shop keeper… Now nobody is willing to assert any boundary (and it’s not fair to expect a minimum wage worker to risk the consequences of confronting someone).

I loved libraries as a child because they were quiet, and felt safe. There were adults in charge, keeping an eye. My autistic ds hates them because they are too noisy to concentrate and full of dc climbing up the brightly coloured furniture, shrieking, barking dogs and occasionally anti social adults, while the librarians hide up at the desk behind a glass wall.

I don’t think parenting is any worse than it ever was - some are effective, some are weak but there’s no social authority to absorb the shortfall.

Its not gentle parenting its permissive parenting.

I have a 2yo. After a swim lesson its right let's go into that cubicle to get dry. Do you want to walk or do you want me to carry you? You can give choice without being a walk over.

Interesting point - people talking about their own parenting might find their adult children have different ideas about that.

Absolutely. Gentle parenting isn't being a pushover or taking no action as a parent.
This is pathetic.
Tell the child option A or B
Tell them they can't walk around wet
Let them choose: shower now or rinse and shower at home. Vest or pants on first? By all means encourage them to dress themselves.
But stop arsing around

Edited as mis read post.

This type of peranting was around 20 years ago though a minority.

Now it seems ridulously common.

I'd have picked a cubicle and coxaed them in -if a firm voice was going to set them off - often a brisk firm this is happening with phyical guiding goes down well and avoids the over tired tantrum later with too many choices- a happy lets pick this one can you find your bag - where's that going on the bench - can you find your towel.

I did eye roll when my three DC got into cubicle got changed before and after swim session - after nearly two years of practise and prompting this was automatic from them - a mother liked this kept on to me I was so lucky - same with manners I'm lucky not years of work and gentle remibnders and modling expected behavior myself - just pure luck.

I do in more middle class araes see a lot of DGP biting their tounges or losing patience and trying to step in - though given my late teens disparaging attitude towards such behavior I do wonder if they'll end up doing it themselves.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

When mine were little I used to chuck them over my shoulder and joke that I don't negotiate with tiny terrorists.

Of course it's important to give your children choices but not all the time
There are times you just need to pick them up and deal with things.

Was waiting for the loo and heard the lady in the only working one saying to her child… and let’s now count to 40 …. after flushing… and then after that had been achieved very very slowly, and how do you write 39? Silence for another minute before they came out. The child can’t have been been more than two. Performative parenting in the loo.

Yes and sadly that poor child isn’t ever going to learn
it’s quite sad really

I can understand that to an extent but tantruming is a normal part of development that will help the foxchild learn about rules and disappointment.
It was quite late in the day and the man kept talking about mummy at home so I was imagining this woman staring at the clock with dinner on the table and two empty chairs 😂

WTF 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Neither would I, that’s what I’m trying to say. This shit is not gentle parenting. It’s barely fucking parenting at all!

This is a really good point too
All kids need direction
That mother needs to get a grip, get her child sorted and sort herself out it’s not rocket science.

Honestly the things you hear never cease to amaze!

With these choices it has to be Gin (a very large one) Every Time!