This is bonkers mummy behaviour

I think he is probably was just crying because he couldn’t scream at his ineffectual mother to tell him what to do because he didn’t have a clue.

🤣

My ds 24 told me once (adult age) that he was a bit scared of me as a dc!! He added it was because whatever I said alway went!! He actually chose to live with me full time as a teen as opposed to No Rules df because he liked boundaries and wanted an actual parent. He breezed his 4 years in the army he said!! Would love to know how my old best mate's ds got on into adulthood when he ruled her home from age 10...

Oh, absolutely fuck that. What about when he’s 15 and wants to smoke weed in the garden?

I see it all the time at our local park. Just tell them it’s time to go home, I don’t know why parents find that so hard. I’ve had to carry a tantruming toddler of mine away from the swings a few times, but that’s just what you have to do.

Also, boundaries make children secure. They shouldn't be burdened with the responsibility of choice in that way.

I could never be arsed with parenting like that. My eldest is 23 and there were some tedious parents like that then, but most people tended to just tell their children what to do.

I’ve raised all my children like that with no stress and no damage.

I am the parent, I am in charge, mainly to keep them safe.

Badly.

Yes I remember that WTF! 🤬

This is my relatives. Sometimes they have to stay in the park for hours on end until he is ready to leave. They once waited to cross a road for 45 mins as he didn’t want to cross. They say that he does what he wants, but that’s because they have allowed it. It’s madness and lord knows how he will cope with actual rules in school.

Yeah that's what it sounds like. A new mum figuring out how to get a toddler dressed after swimming

If a mum has a single 2 yr old a d has only been swimming with them once or twice she's maybe just still getting used to it all. Worried about tantrums in family changing rooms etc. give her a break, she's taken a 2 yr old swimming, drying and dressing kids while cold and wet yourself, it's absolutely no fun!

Can we not give parents a bit of time to adjust to a situation? We have to post on the internet that a mum was struggling to get them sorted after a swim? Probably the sort of judgement she was worried about if he tantrummed. Then all the cultures run in with their 'oh wait till he's at school, oh he'll be in jail, how will he work in society...' FFS he's 2.

Absolutely. "We pick our battles" 🙄

Let me guess, he's called Sonny.

It's not a complex choice to say to a kid in a supermarket 'will we get beans or peas for with our sausages' and chat to a child about what you're getting when getting groceries.

Giving children some choice is a good thing, imo, @Commecicommeca26 - but giving them total control isn’t - and it sounds as if that is what was happening here. For example, it is fine to ask a child if they want strawberries or apple as a snack, but not to let them loose in Tesco with free licence to choose whatever snack they want.

She could have said “Which cubicle shall we go in, Joe - this one or that one? If you don’t choose, mummy will choose.” And then follow through if Joe carries on faffing.

I think it could be gentle parenting but also a mum who just has no clue and a bit out of their depth

I think people are often more afraid of losing their temper than a tantrum itself. Because it is generally socially unacceptable to do many of the more authoritarian things my parent's generation would've relied on - shouting, smacking, shaming etc.

When you've been parented like that it is somewhat coded into you and most of the gen x and millennial parents I know are working hard to respond differently. I expect this can lead to some very passive and permissive parenting because people struggle to be authoritative or don't feel as confident with it publicly.

My nephew (7), says he doesn’t like his teacher because he shouts sometimes. I’m not bloody surprised, especially the way my nephew can act up at times. The other day we were walking to a music class from the school (nephew kicking stones) and nephew asks me if there was the cane when we were young and did teachers throw rubbers (chalk ones). I had to say well no but it was in our school for older pupils and yes your dad had the rubber thrown. He’d read about this (caning?) in Peter Pan.

That’s not gentle parenting. That’s permissive parenting.

Now now it was rude to snigger (joking).

The most my mum did the other day in the park was notice my toddler nephew was cold whilst waiting and asked him if he wanted to go home instead of watching his older brother play football. I think he even said he wanted to go home, politely. No need to check twice or go into detail. And he loves being at home so win win.

Wtaf?!

My SIL uses some aspects of gentle parenting, her husband, my DB no. If I’m ever taking nephew out (7) he knows by now (and so he should do) that when I say out of the playground in 5, I mean it! That goes for whoever is saying it. His brother who’s 2.5 is a bit harder to work out/coax and he’s only recently started talking properly, in sentences. But he knows when to go home and is quite good at following instructions.

I remember an episode of Location, Location, Location. Couple couldn't decide on a house and decided to see which house their toddler liked best ..Kirstys face was a picture...

Do people on here really think they've made the correct parenting decision in the moment every time? Or not gone through stages of trying different parenting styles because what you've been doing isn't working? Or are we truly all to believe that you hit the nail on the head immediately, every time, with all your children? And your children have never refused, or never negotiated every single thing. I still didn't know what the fuck I was doing with a 2 year old except my best.