I booked and paid for back in December a butlins break in June for me, my wife and 2 girls age 11 and 9. My 11yo DD is profoundly autistic with LD. She needs a large special needs buggy everywhere outside the house and is full time care and pre-verbal. I booked a 3 bed apartment because they cant room share. As its got closer, I realised that this is probably not a good idea for us anymore. We last went to Butlins together 2 years ago and it was ok but DD was in a smaller (and easier to push) SEN buggy then and a bit younger (less hormones). But even then we couldnt access everything and spent a lot of time in the apartment. Over the past 2 years we have been going out less to do typical activities as a family and having 'one child each' on seperate days out etc. I think I just had it in my mind this suits us because we have been going to Butlins every year since they were toddlers and my ASD DD has always loved it. My wife said she should stay at home with her and she says i should just take DD 9. Theres a big part of me which is so excited at the idea of a 'normal' holiday and one to one time with DD 9. We could eat in resturants and go to evening shows (cant do with DD 11) but I have the most crippling guilt! The idea is that later in the summer we would leave DD 9 with her Grandad and big sister (she is 22) for 2 nights while we take DD 11 to a short, calm and possibly more suitable seaside break on her own. I know DD 9 wont mind this (because she went to Butlins and also has a school residential this year) and I know DD 11 wont know we have gone to butlins or understand and can cope without me and DD 9 for the days we would be away. Its the guilt. I just feel awful about it. She hasn't been on holiday for 2 years or seen the sea. I dont even have the alternative break planned yet and when ive looked it all seems so expensive in summer so im not even sure if the 2nd part of the plan is feasable. Wwyd?