AIBU to worry school topics are overwhelming my son?

This sounds fairly normal (at least in our household). Can be particularly fun when you have 2 and they take opposing views.

We have worked on sharing opposing views or using phrases such as "I think X because... What do you think and why?". To help ours understand there are two sides to an argument/ debate. We also talk about fact checking etc ... In general it helps the develope a better understanding / tolerance of other people's views and how to back up their own opinions. We also talk about we don't always have to agree but we do need to be respectful. One of ours on ND so the wider discussion around their view points have been extra important to help with understanding

Perhaps just have a chat with him to help him understand that life is a series of ethical choices and many options can be a moral maze. We each make our choice based on our individual experiences and ethical boundaries.
Eg. I may choose to not eat meat but I will kill all the lice on my head with a suffocating chemical.

He's 11. He's not a baby anymore. As he gets older, you, as his parents, will no longer be the centre of his universe and he will find other role models who he admires and develop opinions which aren't the same as yours. I am surprised that a philosophy graduate would be so uncomfortable when faced with a question like "Why do we eat cows and not dogs?" or why you would think that was too heavy for an 11 yo? This is a question that my 6 yo has already asked and I said that some people see no difference and therefore don't eat cows or do eat dogs, but I see a distinction between animals that were specifically bred to be companion animals and animals that were bred to be meat animals. With an 11 yo I would go into more detail about how beef cows have been specifically engineered to produce a lot of meat etc.. But that's just my opinion and if he had a different view I'd be happy to hear it.

It does sound a bit like you're upset that your ideas are being challenged and you're used to him just accepting what you say. He hasn't been rude, he's just shared a different perspective.

I'm not sure she is?

"Last week he refused to eat the dinner I’d made and had a snack instead because it didn’t contain meat. The next day the same thing happened..."

ps good for you OP for supporting his vegetarianism

I think it’s normal to go through an idealistic phase. I remember wanting to convert to Islam after learning about it at school as I thought it made a lot of sense (nothing wrong with that of course but quite random in the context of my family and neighbourhood).

And I was vegetarian too.

At least he’s thinking critically and not on the incel route (though I can see why it’s annoying!). Hopefully he’ll tone down the lecturing soon

Absolutely bollocks and lazy stereotyping.
My daughters are at an independent school. Some of the boys are lovely, well mannered, considerate etc. Some are horribly rude and entitled. Most fit somewhere in between. Same as the boys as the state school they went to before their current school.
The 10/11 year old I saw screaming ‘get the fuck out of my way, you old twat’ to an elderly man who had the temerity to walk down the pavement that this boy wanted to cycle on was from the local state school, but it would also be lazy stereotyping to then assume that all state school children are like that.

@BeWittyZebra it's most likely the completely normal stage of development and it is exhausting! As a PP said, try not to put yourself in the position of feeling you need to "answer" every utterance. Lots of active listening and "interesting questions, where can you find out more?" And also setting boundaries with how long we get to dictate topics of conversation, establishing turn taking etc. I lost patience more often than I would like to have but ultimately I'd rather have an engaged, thoughtful child.

Never seen a Green Party supporter before? I don’t imagine many of the more ardent supporters were particularly easy going about these topics in their formative years.

This is a lazy stereotype. Having taught extensively in both private and state schools I can assure you I’ve encountered just as many rude and opinionated children in both.

OP - don’t allow him to express his views rudely, but do listen, engage with him, challenge him etc. It’s an important skill to learn to debate (and this is something the independent sector tend to be good at), so he also needs to listen and be open to counter-arguments.

I would push back on the use of the word ‘evil’. This is a religious concept and you can talk about vegetarianism in more enlightened terms.
if there is anything I would talk to the teacher about, it’s this. See: Donald trump’s use of this word. Bush’s use of this word to justify the invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan. Etc.

I would engage! What a brilliant thing for him to be challenging received wisdom, and asking WHY.

So you could talk about the COST of eco cars. What’s the carbon cost of producing these new cars in China or wherever and transporting them to the UK and “throwing away” existing cars that work perfectly fine? what is the risk that all these new, very heavy hybrid and electric vehicles are damaging local road surfaces which then need heavy machinery and materials to repair? I genuinely don’t know the answers but I’m interested!

With vegetarianism: what happens if the whole world turns vegetarian? Do we have enough arable land? Are some animals more ecologically sound than others?

Perhaps we should eat only seasonal wild venison and insects?

What about food miles and water consumption - are some vegetables worse than others?

And what about HOW we grow those vegetables - learn about intensive farming using enslaved bees for mass pollination (tragic, especially in US), and learn about chemicals.

Fine so now we decided we can only eat organic vegetables and grains/seeds and drive electric cars and have solar panels on their homes. We are middle class, we can afford it. What about all the poor people - do we force them to do the same via legislation? How does the country afford that? Why should poverty mean people can’t afford to make moral choices? Ok so NOW we need a revolution so that people CAN afford to live clean lives by redistributing wealth. Is the real problem here capitalism itself, and the underlying problem that humans are selfish creatures who don’t really see past their own noses?

Also - if everyone stopped eating chicken there’d be no chickens. So those lives wouldn’t exist. Better to have happy organic chickens that die and are eaten, or no chickens at all?

Or, If it’s a moral issue of taking a life - ok, perhaps we should just eat free-range cows, because taking the life of one happy cow to feed a family for a week is better than, say, eating four fish?

This sounds like a normal 11yr old to me.

Calling it "big school" rather than "secondary school" (or "prep school" if you're going private maybe) is quite infantilising. And this, combined with you being upset he's asking "challenging questions" suggests that maybe your problem is your child growing up, rather than that the topics are overwhelming him.

I'm also confused about how you're catering to his vegetarian preferences. In one breath you say you're cooking him seperate meals but in the next you say he's refusing to eat the meal you cooked because it contains meat and later say "should we support his vegetarianism properly?"
You should absolutely be supporting his vegetarianism completely and making him separate meals any time you cook with meat and/or fish (depending on his preference). I get it's a bit of a pain but this is genuinely important to him. It may be a phase or it could be for life but it's something he feels really strongly about and has clearly given thought to. Don't just pay it lip service and then ignore him - you'll only alienate him.

It’s a (good) part of growing up. He’s branching out and you are not the overriding authority figures in his life any more. It’s a good thing he’s engaging with school groups guided by teachers - could easily be friends or randoms online.

I think it’s a hard adjustment as a parent when your kids stop taking what you say as gospel! But this is crucial moment to engage with him as he matures. Try to avoid the instinct to shut him down because you know better or don’t appreciate the challenge.

The intensity seems to be the issue not the thoughts behind them, something tells me if the op, or any of us, was a fly on the wll in the classroom ans interviewed the kids afterwards they would have different ways of thinking what was taught

I know this a well over used idea but I dont think this is normal thinking, turning vegetarian is normal same as the uni students who run around and sign up to all those charity and cuases when starting uni so they 'find themselves'

Being a cause is different to thinking you have found one

I was asking these same questions at 11. For me, it definitely wasn’t coming from school or even the internet. Because I grew up in the dark ages.

This is a fantastic opportunity for him to develop critical thinking skills. “Cars are evil” is one moral statement. But what if his dad had a heart attack and he had a choice between a horse drawn cart and a car to get to hospital. Would he choose the cart if it meant his dad died? Why? Why not? Push back on these questions. Get him to think and back up his assertions. It’s fantastic he’s exploring these things, but it’s not as simple as stating something as fact. Make it a critical thinking exercise.

Also it’s fine to sometimes say, I don’t want to have this discussion right now. Let’s talk about what you did in beekeeping. Get him involved in cooking vegetarian meals for the family.

I think this is just how it goes when you have a "bright, thoughtful kid" as they learn about the world. The school is just teaching normal things and as he thinks so deeply, he's reading a lot more into it than others. I have a child like that and I was one too. I don't think you'd have a different experience at a different school, it's just his personality.

My DS decided this at 5 and I was happy to oblige, he goes to a state school. He’s always been super sensitive and principled, he found out what meat was and said he wouldn’t eat it again and hasn’t! He even checks whether sweets are vegetarian at school before eating… He just loves animals and can’t bear the thought of eating them. I have zero issue with this, I don’t know why you’re still trying to get your DS to eat meat when he’s said he doesn’t want to.

You are living with an incipient teen. He is recognising that he has views that differ from yours and is challenging every value in an idealistic and intense way. This could last a while.

He is being taught to think for himself and question. It’s a good thing. Eventually, he will be less idealistic. But adult children still challenge their parents’ ideas and values!

He is just going through the perfectly normal phase of realising that his parents don't know everything and aren't right about everything. And he is exercising this newfound knowledge.

It's fine, it is a bit annoying when they suddenly know better than you about everything, but it's a normal part of development. And tbh, part of it will be annoying because he may sometimes have a point.

Let him be veggie if he wants to be (I went veggie at 13 and still am 40 years later!) while making it clear that you expect him to respect other people's choices about what to eat without lecturing them about it. Praise his interest in the environment while explaining that it's your decision as to what kind of car you're going to drive because there are other factors to consider.

Basically encourage his independent thinking and the development of his moral values while teaching him that there is a time and a place to express these and a time to keep quiet and respect other people's choices, which might be different from his own.

No child who says that his parents are evil because of their food choices is great.

Some firm words need to be had, OP, about how he expresses his opinions. I would not accept this from mine.

There’s no judgypants moraliser like a tweenager unfortunately! They have all of the self-righteousness and none of the experience to have any awareness of the bigger picture.

I think your.son is going through a common teenage stage where they they think they know everything. Hopefully he will get over himself. Or turn into a Cancel Culture Woke.

As for eating meat and the the family dog. Of course you wouldn't

Does he know that in the following countries dogs are widely eaten as everyday food.

China, South Korea, Viet Nam, Cambodia, Indonesia, Laos, Myanmar, and parts of northeastern India such as Nagaland.

I think your son has a point - if you eat cows…why not a dog - both are sentient beings….

children are perhaps more aware of the realism of the current ecological collapse of our planet and the consequences of climate change… but is not yet selfish enough to ignore them.

I felt the same as a teenager and it drove my desire to study and have a career in Climate Change adaptation.

Yes you should drive a lower emissions car, yes you should use public transport as much as possible and you should absolutely consider your carbon and methane footprint!

You seem hostile you your son’s awareness… I have no idea why?

Our world needs more children like your son!

I'd recommend helping him ride a bike, if he can't already and helping him use public transport. Send him for a moderately heavy bag of groceries by bus or something. He's probably right about cars but understanding the infrastructure problems with moving away from cars would add to his education.

Also see if he can contribute to cooking - what's his ethical position on meals including vegetarian food that mimics meat in flavour / appearance? And remember constraints you don't have that other people experience ie. whilst veggie/vegan protein can be cheap (eggs, lentils etc) some cuts of meat can also be cheap, some people have health conditions where they feel better eating meat, some families can't afford to cook different meals for different people or even to experiment much with different foods in case somebody doesn't like them.

He's thinking and this will be so important for him in the future both eventually in work but also in resisting peer pressure as an older teenager.