AIBU to feel uneasy about MIL wanting one-to-one time with baby?

It would be a no from me in this case.

Nope. Just nope. She’s a stranger to you. If she builds a solid relationship with you and your baby over time then as baby grows you may feel comfortable leaving them alone together. Don’t be pushed into doing something you’re not comfortable with.

That's not really answering the question of what he thinks about this.

In his position I'd be thinking absolutely not. She's not a generic abstract grandmother, she is the woman he didn't even want to live with himself .

I don't think either parent should be able to demand the baby be left alone with someone the other parent isn't comfortable with.

MIL spending time with the baby and one parent still being present is different.

No-one should be expecting to be able to look after a baby not their own. Offering is fine. Mum's word goes, based on gut feeling.

Well presumably your partner knows her well enough, even if she wasnt always an involved mum? He has a say too as to whether he's confortable with her being with the baby.

Firstly - you are a new mum. You are programmed to care for and protect your baby. Leaving him with a virtual stranger is not sensible or likely to put you at your ease.

Secondly, you have no idea how she will care for your child, so you need to spend time all three of you together to build up some trust

Thirdly, your baby needs to be with the primary care giver, ie you. Your baby is not a toy for your MIL to play with. What MIL wants is irrelevant, she's done her parenting. What is best for your baby is the only thing that matters.

I felt the same and my midwife said that my MIL wouldn't go into Longleat and pick up a lion cub, because the mother would tear her limb from limb, so why did she expect to do that with a human baby? It shows a fundamental lack of respect. If you aren't happy, tell her no.

What does your MIL want to do with the baby that she can't do with you and your DH being present?

Pushing for one on one time with a baby is very strange. This would make me never want to leave my baby alone with her. It's just... odd

She doesn't get to redo her experience of parenting by using your baby as a replacement, they are not a doll and I doubt she will be someone you can rely on in the future so make sure she understands.the answer is no thank you.

This seems like a pretty relevant thing to have put in the OP.

That says a lot about her parenting skills

Just say no. She has no rights to any sort of relationship with your dc whatsoever.. If she gets to see your dc you need to be there.. She isn't getting a second chance at motherhood through your dc...

Why does she want 1:1 time with your baby? Just say no.

Whereas no parents has to leave their baby with anyone, I presume his mother is known to your dh ?

I need to know why you have had no relationship with your MiL when you live in the same town.
I mean, presumably at least one of them was her wedding day.

How has it come about that you've married someone who hasn't been prepared to introduce you to his (locally living) mother ???

Just say sorry it's not somerhng I want right now but I'm sure when baby is bigger I will.

She doesn’t need to spend time alone with your baby. I would ask her directly why it’s so important to her, but then again I don’t mind asserting myself.

The MiL is a stranger to two out of three of the parents/baby trio. At her own instigation.

I’m a MIL and grandparent and would say it’s what you feel comfortable with.
However, should you ever need her to look after the baby, eg if you had an appointment it wasn’t easy to take the baby to or in an emergency, it’s far bettte if the baby knows her and is settled with her one on one.
Maybe have her round with you and see how she is with the baby?

I think it's very entitled for someone that could only be bothered to spend time with you twice in three years to expect cute fun times with your baby. If you want to have a relationship with someone else's baby then the minimum is to have a decent relationship with the parents.

Another overbearing grandmother!

It's not her baby. She doesn't get to have the baby all to herself like she did with her own children. She doesn't get to pretend she is the mommy again. How presumptuous, especially given your history.

For those saying she isn't a stranger since she raised the husband, true, but she's made no effort to get to know her DIL and now she wants the DIL out of the way to have one on one time with the baby?

When your child is four or five, it's different. But I don't like these grandmothers who can't wait to get their grandbaby all to themselves, regardless of how close they are to the parents.

Stay firm.

No relative needs one to one time with your baby irrespective of how close you are to them

Nobody gets to demand one on one time with your child at this stage. It’s effectively telling you to go away so they can have your baby to themselves. Completely intrusive and inappropriate.

How can she be a stranger when she brought her husband up?

The idea is certainly an unusual one, in the circumstances. I’d have a think about it, for about eighteen years or so.

And if I were in your shoes, my OH would be telling his mother to sort herself out.