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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel uneasy about MIL wanting one-to-one time with baby?

82 replies

Mamibaba · 02/05/2026 16:54

I only saw MIL twice in the three years before baby was born even though we live in the same town. Didn’t see her whilst pregnant but she expects to now have access to baby and one to one time. Is it right that I don’t feel comfortable with that as I don’t feel I know her wel enough.

OP posts:
LHP118 · 03/05/2026 18:58

There seems to be this who group of people who don't consider their children's partners as family or important. But their grandchildren are blood.

This is also personal experience.

How are your parents with your OH. How is the interaction with your child...

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 03/05/2026 18:53

Miranda65 · 02/05/2026 16:58

But surely your partner/husband knows her well enough? The baby is his child too!

Right, but he didn't grow the baby, he doesn't have the hormonal effects of pregnancy or breastfeeding, and he's almost certainly not on leave as the primary carer.

There is no species on the planet that leaves its young with barely-known other adults for a reason. Grandma doesn't get to skip building trust and bonding with the baby's primary carer.

It's fucking rude if nothing else.

(And my ILs met my son before my parents and babysat him first at five months, so anyone thinking I didn't let my ILs get a look in can get to fuck.)

Middleagedspreadisreal · 03/05/2026 18:41

Growingasaperson · 03/05/2026 12:43

Also this. Massive red flag. 🚩 if they aren’t good parents they aren’t good grandparents in my experience.

Show quote history

That's not true at all! Most parents are much better grandparents than parents. They haven't got the same stresses and they have, usually, learnt from their mistakes

mondaytosunday · 03/05/2026 13:46

So what is she asking exactly? You have not said what.

Benio · 03/05/2026 12:56

Would you know who else would be in or visiting the house or where / who your MIL would be taking your baby to visit.

No.

JustGiveMeReason · 03/05/2026 12:56

Mamibaba · 03/05/2026 11:45

Baby is now 8 months. Partner has never taken her to see his mother I have taken her a few times (with his blessing)

Again.
Pretty crucial information that you should have put in the OP.

Growingasaperson · 03/05/2026 12:43

ThisHazelPombear · 03/05/2026 12:39

Massive red flag your partner doesn’t have a close relationship with her. If she failed as a parent she’ll fail as a grandma too.

You can’t just leave babies with someone because they share dna.

Also this. Massive red flag. 🚩 if they aren’t good parents they aren’t good grandparents in my experience.

Growingasaperson · 03/05/2026 12:42

ToSayYouHaveNoChoiceIsAFailureOfImagination · 02/05/2026 18:08

What does your MIL want to do with the baby that she can't do with you and your DH being present?

Pushing for one on one time with a baby is very strange. This would make me never want to leave my baby alone with her. It's just... odd

This.

ThisHazelPombear · 03/05/2026 12:39

Massive red flag your partner doesn’t have a close relationship with her. If she failed as a parent she’ll fail as a grandma too.

You can’t just leave babies with someone because they share dna.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/05/2026 12:16

No to time without you until you suggest it, which sounds unlikely. What’s she like with you and your baby when you see her? Is she respectful and interested in you as a person or just the baby incubator? If your partner isn’t interested in a relationship with her I’d trust his view of her which is based on a lot more info than you’ll ever have.

Icecreamisthebest · 03/05/2026 12:11

Just say no. You’re not comfortable with this idea. That’s the only thing that matters here

AgentPidge · 03/05/2026 12:08

"No sorry, he's not old enough."

You are hard-wired to be with him. Any time she has with the baby, she needs to accept that you're going to be there too.

I know it's really hard to say no to MILs. But you, as the parent, have to stand up for what you want and feel to be right when it comes to the baby.

thepariscrimefiles · 03/05/2026 12:01

Mamibaba · 03/05/2026 11:45

Baby is now 8 months. Partner has never taken her to see his mother I have taken her a few times (with his blessing)

You've very kindly taken your baby to see your partner's mum but she is now over-stepping by expecting you to leave your baby with her. She is lucky that she has been able to see her grandchild despite being a shitty mum to your partner. It does speak volumes that he still doesn't want to visit his mum. You need to say a firm 'no' to her request.

Benio · 03/05/2026 11:59

No. With your updates a harder ‘No’.

Do you have problems validating your own feelings / being assertive etc - can
you trust your gut rather than questioning it?

Original poster
Mamibaba · 03/05/2026 11:45

Baby is now 8 months. Partner has never taken her to see his mother I have taken her a few times (with his blessing)

OP posts:
asdbaybeeee · 03/05/2026 07:41

I’d say no but she’s welcome to visit/ meet up.

ThejoyofNC · 03/05/2026 06:52

I mean obviously the answer is no but I'm interested to hear how she asked this?

thepariscrimefiles · 03/05/2026 06:45

Mamibaba · 02/05/2026 17:46

Partner had a better relationship with his grandmother than mother and went to live there as a teenager.

You aren't being unreasonable. You don't have a relationship with her and she was obviously a pretty shit mother if your partner moved out in his teens. Will your partner back you up in saying no to his mum spending time alone with your baby?

Cheese55 · 03/05/2026 06:44

ChristAliveHelp · 02/05/2026 17:00

How can she be a stranger when she brought her husband up?

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Because she has rarely met her = stranger

QuintadosMalvados · 03/05/2026 06:41

WolfDaysOfMoon · 02/05/2026 16:59

The idea is certainly an unusual one, in the circumstances. I’d have a think about it, for about eighteen years or so.

And if I were in your shoes, my OH would be telling his mother to sort herself out.

18 years?! 25 surely? Some people just don't give a f* about their kids.

LilacWineIsSweetAndHeady · 03/05/2026 06:34

Normally I would say you are being precious, assuming MIL was a nice woman that brought up your decent DH however in this instance MIL sounds crazy to assume you will just hand your baby over to her purely based on her having birthed your husband!
I am guessing you wouldn't hand your baby over to anyone else that you had only seen a couple of times before so she should be no different.

PygmyOwl · 03/05/2026 04:48

She doesn't need 1-to-1 time - you can all spend time together.

SoSadSoSadSoSad · 03/05/2026 04:45

No she can’t have your baby if you’re not comfortable with it. She can expect it and want it all she likes. “That doesn’t work for me,” should shut it down.

Don’t be bullied into this.

LivingTheDreamish · 03/05/2026 04:10

I would say your instincts are right OP. Invite her to spend time with you as a family, see if she's interested in that. Who asks for "one-to-one time" with someone else's baby?

HelmholtzWatson · 03/05/2026 04:06

Miranda65 · 02/05/2026 16:58

But surely your partner/husband knows her well enough? The baby is his child too!

QFT....

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