AIBU to feel uneasy about MIL wanting one-to-one time with baby?

My response to someone asking to be alone with my baby would be 'Why?' What are you planning to do that you can't do with me there???

It's just a weird thing to want.

Totally with you, OP.

I don't get why anyone except the parents would want to be alone with a baby. and parents in law, or anyone else really, has no right to expect it.

I have 2 lovely grown-up children whom I love unreservedly, and I always did. But I hated the baby stage - I was terrified of babies and thought they would die if I took my eye off the ball. Why anyone would want to be alone with a baby, let alone someone else's is utterly beyond me!!

So she is a shit parent who missed out. He owes her nothing and if either of them think a repeat is on the cards, then yes you absolutely should be saying no.

The idea of demanding one to one time with grandchild is off in the first place. It's inappropriate.

We don't know what OP's DH thinks but we do know that he went to live with a relative when he was a child and doesn't have a relationship with his mum.

OP has been very kind to her MIL by visiting with the baby but obviously wouldn't be comfortable leaving her baby alone with a woman who doesn't have a relationship with her own son.

Why is it his fsult?

perhaps I'd agree with you once the child is Older, but with a newborn/infant/ toddler, there's a high level of supervision needed.....how sad, and what an awful marriage/relationship it'd be if a father Insisted on an unsupervised visit of vulnerable child totally against the trepidation of the mother ...meaning Zero respect for his partner, "50% ownership" is crap excuse when it comes to precious little beings.....btw I'm a new grandmom myself now, I also don't Need alone time....If I'm needed of course I'll step up, but after a life raising all my own kids, visits without full responsibility are perfectly nice!

As a new Nan I cannot imagine why I would ever want my grandson one on one. There is no need at all for that. I have looked after him a couple of times for a short time, while mum has gone to the dentist and a funeral, but mostly I see him with mum, and don't expect to have him on my own for more than for short times for appointments etc for a long time. I do see him with my daughter and that is fine. There's no reason to have one on one time for no reason

A big ole No from me- your baby not hers

She didn't.

Read updates. Husband has no relationship with his mother- she didn't raise him and he never takes the baby to see her. OP os trying to be kind to this woman she has met a few times and who is now wanting baby on her own having forgot she wasn't able to care for the baby she had; OPs dh.

Did you read the updates? Mil wasn't able to care for her son so her grands-parents raised him. This is highly unusual and def a red flag.

@Mamibaba You are being nice just letting her see the baby since she didn't make any effort to see you before and her son doesn't want to see her. Keep your guard up- I wouldn't even leave my baby with this woman for 5 minutes. Tbh I wouldn't even have visited her with baby since she fucked up with her own son. You are being kind and now she's pushing boundaries. I would go very very lc.

Either parent should be able to veto leaving the baby alone with a person they're not comfortable with.

Mil can spend time with the baby with a parent present. There's no need for private one-to-one time.

Just say no. No explanation. No excuses. Just no.

I mean everyone is to the baby. Its the grandparents right? Unless there's a specific reason or drip feed, I don't understand the problem

Why does OP need to know her? Her husband has 50% say over who the baby sees and this is his mother not the bloody next door neighbour

And OP’s DH is the baby’s father and this woman is his mother ffs! Not a stranger. The baby’s mother does not have anymore say than what the father has ffs

Absolutely not.
Only on MN do I read such batshit stories.

I would wonder why you have gotten involved with her at all.
It is really strange that she would ask.
What are your own boundaries like that you would have to ask this and that you don't think it is not normal?
Your partner didn't have a good relationship with her, you barely know her, and this is even a question?

Give your head a wobble and protect your baby.
I wouldn't be getting involved with her at all.

Don't be one of those silly women who thinks they know better than their partner about his family.

Red flags all over the fact that he didn't have a good relationship and left home as a teenager, and to be honest its a bit red flag that you are entertaining this at all.

Respect his position and follow his lead with his family.

It would be a big no from me, no matter our relationship. The baby is your baby, not hers.
Its so weird, but often posted on Mumsnet

I wouldn’t let her drive my car let alone have my baby! YNBU.

Definitely no from me your child doesn’t know her and she doesn’t know your child it’s a bit late in the day for being granny of the year. Go with your gut.

Why does she want 1 to 1 with a baby? That's just as weird as #@<% IMHO.

It sounds like you don't know her well enough to leave baby alone with her. My advice would be to always stay with your child at visits. I learned the hard way and my adult son suffers greatly for my misplaced trust. There are all kinds of parents, all levels of intelligence and care, and that doesn't change with age (grandparent). Years ago, I assumed that my new mil was responsible, when I was persuaded by husband to let her have "alone time". Baby was my 4th child, (3 kids in first marriage.) She didn't have him too often, an hour or two a few times a month. However, tragedy occurred before he turned 2-- she had a habit (Unbeknownst to Me!) of leaving prescription medication out on low tables to be taken later in day (done in both her 2 homes). On top of that, my son wasn't being supervised obviously and ingested. He was poisoned and is now deaf in one ear. When he became sick att, we didn't know what was wrong. The hospital did not test even though their report stated suspected poisoning in medical terminology. We left thinking virus or allergy even though symptoms (skin, head swelling) were so horrible. We discovered his hearing loss later that year, (had full hearing at birth) and after much "forensics"- one rx drug at her home was the clear cause. Several years after this event, I discovered rx drugs out again right next to my son on another low table. (I was visiting at her Other home). We picked them up, and she went ballistic at US! The relationship ended, (her insistence) but she reconnected with her son, my husband, a few years later. (I alone, conveniently, was her enemy "for accusing her and not apologizing" and was estranged for 15 years up to her death). Actually I never accused her to her face, her son suggested it was on a list of possibilities. Of course my regret and sadness (and anger!) is intense....but clearly she was a very flawed and stupid person- wish I had known it upfront and had never been so trusting! I thought the love of a grandparent would be enough, and she had raised 3 kids herself. Upon joining the family, I was warned about her personality etc, but I never dreamed she was a narcissistic idiot.

This.

The baby wouldn’t know her …

You are not comfortable with this, say no