Page 3 | Friend’s awful dress and my reaction

EnglishBreakfastTea1 · 05/05/2026 16:33

Subjectively, it’s awful. No wonder your face moved faster than your brain. It looks cheap, like an extreme version of a 1985 bridesmaid’s dress. It’s not worth the price at all.

i’m no fashionista but bloody hell…

ArtyFartyCrafts · 05/05/2026 15:52

Dozer · 02/05/2026 16:43

Wow, that IS ‘objectively hideous. Like ham slices met the 80s and chintz.

It’d be great as a theatre costume

Like ham slices met the 80s and chintz.

I actually laughed out loud. Thanks. 🤣

RobinEllacotStrike · 05/05/2026 15:33

MargoChanningsglass · 05/05/2026 15:24

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I remember Countess Luanne de Lessops saying Even Louis Vuitton makes mistakes

Prime example with that overblown coral convection pockets or pocketless

Show quote history

Oh that was a memorable day for sure 😁

RobinEllacotStrike · 05/05/2026 15:29

Poppyfie1ds · 05/05/2026 14:54

You don’t have to like the dress or understand the dress or ‘get’ what would possess someone to spend thousands on the dress, to show unconditional positive regard for your friend by smiling at the that brings her joy. Doesn’t matter if it’s designer or from shein. Response should be positive. People hang out with their friends because they leave us feeling happier, and they share our triumphs and tribulations with a matched level of joy or despair.

No one has said you have to like the dress yourself. An unexpected hairstyle is the perfect example because yes, even if your friend had shaved her head, you’d still have to put on a smile and be positive, showing curiosity rather than judgement. If you can’t manage an automatic positive face as your default reaction to your friends at all times, you should probably be practising.

This is really basic stuff. In polite conversation with loved ones if you don’t like what you’re being presented with, or you can’t agree with it, you find the one thing that you can sound positive about. How the lack of hair really shows off their beautiful cheekbones and how jealous you are about them not having to spend half an hour in the morning doing their hair like you have to. Good natured positive stuff.

Wth the dress, most people would be able to say that the fabric is beautiful all that the colour really suits her or what a steal if she got it half price. With these sort of superficial things, there’s always positives to be found.

It’s always positive positive positive first. Afterwards, then you can start with gentle discouragement if you genuinely think it’s necessary, but from a non-personal point of view.

So you might suggest that going out to do the school run that dress might not be a good idea because the other Mum’s might make fun out of her wearing a formal gown - you don’t say because you think the dress is hideous. If she’s got a reasonable figure, is styling the dress properly and is wearing it in a high-end environment, there’s no reason she wouldn’t be able to rock that dress and why others wouldn’t like the dress on your friend.

Of course you might think what I’m saying is absolute nonsense and that you’re absolutely right about this situation on all points - the dress is horrible, your reaction was right. Fine.

Show quote history

the thing I love about my friends is that they are honest with me even when our opinions differ.

I do not persue friendships with people who "smile & nod" while hiding their true feelings even when I expressly ask for their opinions. If I didn't want their opinion I wouldn't ask. And I respect the views of a few friends who would say, even if not asked "FFS you're not actually going to wear that monstrosity are you?" and I'd laugh and say yes I am. In future years over a Negroni my dear friend would say "remember when you paid £2k for that half price hideious D&G ruffled fire hazzard and wore it to the party" and we would both roll around laughing.

I certainly don't recognise this "beclown yourself with lies, tell yourself its kindness and everyone who doesn't obey the rules of showing "unconditional positive regard" for a friends fashion sensitivities is being is cruel & heartless" style of friendship Poppy is pushing.

MargoChanningsglass · 05/05/2026 15:24

RobinEllacotStrike · 05/05/2026 15:16

does it have pockets?

Show quote history

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I remember Countess Luanne de Lessops saying Even Louis Vuitton makes mistakes

Prime example with that overblown coral convection pockets or pocketless

RobinEllacotStrike · 05/05/2026 15:16

nam3c4ang3 · 05/05/2026 13:05

… but what is there is nothing positive about the dress?! As in ZERO.

Show quote history

does it have pockets?

Original poster

SummerFate · 05/05/2026 15:14

If she cared about that, she might not have been so incredibly rude to people who tried to answer her initial question - How do I fix this?

In nearly 38 pages, I’ve had perfectly polite discussions with people who have disagreed with me, misunderstood certain points, asked for more detail or added explanation, made me repeat things I’ve explained already…

But yes, I have fought back when people like you and your little mate have called me a liar, a shit friend, a troll, made bizarre accusations of “cowardice”, given and withdrawn apologies that were never really apologies, ignored the fact that the thread was about a spontaneous reaction and demanded to know why I didn’t react differently and more. I think that’s natural. Where is your ire for people doing that in the first place? Why is that fine, but my behaviour is so tewibbly, tewibbly wuuuude?

OP posts:

MargoChanningsglass · 05/05/2026 15:13

Poppyfie1ds · 05/05/2026 14:54

You don’t have to like the dress or understand the dress or ‘get’ what would possess someone to spend thousands on the dress, to show unconditional positive regard for your friend by smiling at the that brings her joy. Doesn’t matter if it’s designer or from shein. Response should be positive. People hang out with their friends because they leave us feeling happier, and they share our triumphs and tribulations with a matched level of joy or despair.

No one has said you have to like the dress yourself. An unexpected hairstyle is the perfect example because yes, even if your friend had shaved her head, you’d still have to put on a smile and be positive, showing curiosity rather than judgement. If you can’t manage an automatic positive face as your default reaction to your friends at all times, you should probably be practising.

This is really basic stuff. In polite conversation with loved ones if you don’t like what you’re being presented with, or you can’t agree with it, you find the one thing that you can sound positive about. How the lack of hair really shows off their beautiful cheekbones and how jealous you are about them not having to spend half an hour in the morning doing their hair like you have to. Good natured positive stuff.

Wth the dress, most people would be able to say that the fabric is beautiful all that the colour really suits her or what a steal if she got it half price. With these sort of superficial things, there’s always positives to be found.

It’s always positive positive positive first. Afterwards, then you can start with gentle discouragement if you genuinely think it’s necessary, but from a non-personal point of view.

So you might suggest that going out to do the school run that dress might not be a good idea because the other Mum’s might make fun out of her wearing a formal gown - you don’t say because you think the dress is hideous. If she’s got a reasonable figure, is styling the dress properly and is wearing it in a high-end environment, there’s no reason she wouldn’t be able to rock that dress and why others wouldn’t like the dress on your friend.

Of course you might think what I’m saying is absolute nonsense and that you’re absolutely right about this situation on all points - the dress is horrible, your reaction was right. Fine.

Show quote history

Eh?

browneyes77 · 05/05/2026 15:09

Poppyfie1ds · 05/05/2026 14:54

You don’t have to like the dress or understand the dress or ‘get’ what would possess someone to spend thousands on the dress, to show unconditional positive regard for your friend by smiling at the that brings her joy. Doesn’t matter if it’s designer or from shein. Response should be positive. People hang out with their friends because they leave us feeling happier, and they share our triumphs and tribulations with a matched level of joy or despair.

No one has said you have to like the dress yourself. An unexpected hairstyle is the perfect example because yes, even if your friend had shaved her head, you’d still have to put on a smile and be positive, showing curiosity rather than judgement. If you can’t manage an automatic positive face as your default reaction to your friends at all times, you should probably be practising.

This is really basic stuff. In polite conversation with loved ones if you don’t like what you’re being presented with, or you can’t agree with it, you find the one thing that you can sound positive about. How the lack of hair really shows off their beautiful cheekbones and how jealous you are about them not having to spend half an hour in the morning doing their hair like you have to. Good natured positive stuff.

Wth the dress, most people would be able to say that the fabric is beautiful all that the colour really suits her or what a steal if she got it half price. With these sort of superficial things, there’s always positives to be found.

It’s always positive positive positive first. Afterwards, then you can start with gentle discouragement if you genuinely think it’s necessary, but from a non-personal point of view.

So you might suggest that going out to do the school run that dress might not be a good idea because the other Mum’s might make fun out of her wearing a formal gown - you don’t say because you think the dress is hideous. If she’s got a reasonable figure, is styling the dress properly and is wearing it in a high-end environment, there’s no reason she wouldn’t be able to rock that dress and why others wouldn’t like the dress on your friend.

Of course you might think what I’m saying is absolute nonsense and that you’re absolutely right about this situation on all points - the dress is horrible, your reaction was right. Fine.

Show quote history

Good grief.

What a load of waffle.

People are human. And no matter how much you want to create a robotically prepared face, it doesn’t stop your face accidentally changing when you’re met with something you really weren’t expecting.

My DP has told me I’ve rolled my eyes at him, and I hadn’t even realised I’d done it. It’s called an involuntary reflex. And they’re generally hard to control, which is why they are named as such.

Anyone would think OP had stabbed her friend, the way some of you are carrying on.

She made a (human and normal) mistake. She messaged her friend to apologise. There isn’t really much else she can do.

Friend can accept the apology and understand that no malice was intended, or be a drama llama, like some of you on here.

MargoChanningsglass · 05/05/2026 15:07

Now im officially old

If my friend had to put on a production worthy of Oscar level acting I wouldn't want them as my friend.

My style has always been out there, I know it, my friends know it. Taxi drivers would ask if I was going to a fancy dress party in the 1980s.

My friends have rolled their eyes and said Ffs Margo what are you thinking when I spent a months wages on a coat.

I dressed like that for ME and my friends didnt have to pretend they liked it. They liked me and it was all banter between us all.

Friend already know its out there and should be aware it's not everyone cup of Dolce and Gabanna and not take the hump over it.

ruethewhirl · 05/05/2026 15:06

Poppyfie1ds · 05/05/2026 12:01

Well this is grim. The dress is fine. Anyone who knows about fashion will know it’s a D&G number. Those who don’t know aren’t worth bothering about.

Here’s the thing though, if you know your friend wears ‘out there’ stuff and you know they spent thousands on it, why wasn’t your face ready with a big smile regardless? Like when a child presents you with something they’ve made and you know it’s gonna be sh*t, you’re still ready with the smile and the positive comments. That’s what you do for a friend.

All the defensive bite-back to various comments isn’t really helping that ‘mean girls’ image you’ve created.

Would you still consider the dress fine if it wasn't a D&G number?

Original poster

SummerFate · 05/05/2026 15:04

they share our triumphs and tribulations with a matched level of joy or despair.

Bloody hell, that’s a bit much. Dry your eyes - it’s only a frock!

OP posts:

Poppyfie1ds · 05/05/2026 14:54

SummerFate · 05/05/2026 13:59

If you’ve read my posts, you’ll have seen I already explained that this was significantly more “out there” than anything she’d shown me before. If it helps you to understand, think of it like this. Imagine a friend frequently changed her hairstyle; say one day a pink streak, the next cornrows. Now imagine that one day, when you were expecting the pink streak to maybe be purple or blue this time, she’s actually shaved her hair almost to the bone and had what’s left dyed into a leopard print pattern. That’s how unexpected this was for me.

From your rather haughty “Anyone who’s anyone would know it’s D&G” comment that you’ve crossed the barrier between fashion lover and fashion victim, and that if it was 15 quid on Shein, you’d also think it was hideous.

Show quote history

You don’t have to like the dress or understand the dress or ‘get’ what would possess someone to spend thousands on the dress, to show unconditional positive regard for your friend by smiling at the that brings her joy. Doesn’t matter if it’s designer or from shein. Response should be positive. People hang out with their friends because they leave us feeling happier, and they share our triumphs and tribulations with a matched level of joy or despair.

No one has said you have to like the dress yourself. An unexpected hairstyle is the perfect example because yes, even if your friend had shaved her head, you’d still have to put on a smile and be positive, showing curiosity rather than judgement. If you can’t manage an automatic positive face as your default reaction to your friends at all times, you should probably be practising.

This is really basic stuff. In polite conversation with loved ones if you don’t like what you’re being presented with, or you can’t agree with it, you find the one thing that you can sound positive about. How the lack of hair really shows off their beautiful cheekbones and how jealous you are about them not having to spend half an hour in the morning doing their hair like you have to. Good natured positive stuff.

Wth the dress, most people would be able to say that the fabric is beautiful all that the colour really suits her or what a steal if she got it half price. With these sort of superficial things, there’s always positives to be found.

It’s always positive positive positive first. Afterwards, then you can start with gentle discouragement if you genuinely think it’s necessary, but from a non-personal point of view.

So you might suggest that going out to do the school run that dress might not be a good idea because the other Mum’s might make fun out of her wearing a formal gown - you don’t say because you think the dress is hideous. If she’s got a reasonable figure, is styling the dress properly and is wearing it in a high-end environment, there’s no reason she wouldn’t be able to rock that dress and why others wouldn’t like the dress on your friend.

Of course you might think what I’m saying is absolute nonsense and that you’re absolutely right about this situation on all points - the dress is horrible, your reaction was right. Fine.

lifeisgoodrightnow · 05/05/2026 14:33

shesarunnershesatrackstar · 02/05/2026 15:56

I’ve seen worse.

Jesus … where?!!

Original poster

SummerFate · 05/05/2026 13:59

Poppyfie1ds · 05/05/2026 12:01

Well this is grim. The dress is fine. Anyone who knows about fashion will know it’s a D&G number. Those who don’t know aren’t worth bothering about.

Here’s the thing though, if you know your friend wears ‘out there’ stuff and you know they spent thousands on it, why wasn’t your face ready with a big smile regardless? Like when a child presents you with something they’ve made and you know it’s gonna be sh*t, you’re still ready with the smile and the positive comments. That’s what you do for a friend.

All the defensive bite-back to various comments isn’t really helping that ‘mean girls’ image you’ve created.

If you’ve read my posts, you’ll have seen I already explained that this was significantly more “out there” than anything she’d shown me before. If it helps you to understand, think of it like this. Imagine a friend frequently changed her hairstyle; say one day a pink streak, the next cornrows. Now imagine that one day, when you were expecting the pink streak to maybe be purple or blue this time, she’s actually shaved her hair almost to the bone and had what’s left dyed into a leopard print pattern. That’s how unexpected this was for me.

From your rather haughty “Anyone who’s anyone would know it’s D&G” comment that you’ve crossed the barrier between fashion lover and fashion victim, and that if it was 15 quid on Shein, you’d also think it was hideous.

OP posts:

nam3c4ang3 · 05/05/2026 13:05

Poppyfie1ds · 05/05/2026 12:01

Well this is grim. The dress is fine. Anyone who knows about fashion will know it’s a D&G number. Those who don’t know aren’t worth bothering about.

Here’s the thing though, if you know your friend wears ‘out there’ stuff and you know they spent thousands on it, why wasn’t your face ready with a big smile regardless? Like when a child presents you with something they’ve made and you know it’s gonna be sh*t, you’re still ready with the smile and the positive comments. That’s what you do for a friend.

All the defensive bite-back to various comments isn’t really helping that ‘mean girls’ image you’ve created.

… but what is there is nothing positive about the dress?! As in ZERO.

nam3c4ang3 · 05/05/2026 13:04

Jesus Christ on a motorbike that is the ugliest dress I have ever, ever seen. 🫣😱

WhatHappenedToYourFurnitureCuz · 05/05/2026 13:00

Well this is grim. The dress is fine. Anyone who knows about fashion will know it’s a D&G number. Those who don’t know aren’t worth bothering about

This perfectly sums up how "Emperor's New Clothes" the fashion industry is.

BruFord · 05/05/2026 12:55

Like when a child presents you with something they’ve made and you know it’s gonna be sht, you’re still ready with the smile and the positive comments. That’s what you do for a friend.*

@Poppyfie1ds Hmm, should we really treat our adult friends like children? Adults should be able to accept differing opinions and I’d hope that my close friends would be honest with me.

GrandmasCat · 05/05/2026 12:30

Poppyfie1ds · 05/05/2026 12:01

Well this is grim. The dress is fine. Anyone who knows about fashion will know it’s a D&G number. Those who don’t know aren’t worth bothering about.

Here’s the thing though, if you know your friend wears ‘out there’ stuff and you know they spent thousands on it, why wasn’t your face ready with a big smile regardless? Like when a child presents you with something they’ve made and you know it’s gonna be sh*t, you’re still ready with the smile and the positive comments. That’s what you do for a friend.

All the defensive bite-back to various comments isn’t really helping that ‘mean girls’ image you’ve created.

This Op, why cannot you allow your friend to think she would look great in such expensive monstrosity dress, couldn’t you rejoice at her joy???

Oh, I forgot! Because you are her friend and don’t want her to ridicule herself with a D&G dress that would look out of place on most situations.

Poppyfie1ds · 05/05/2026 12:01

Well this is grim. The dress is fine. Anyone who knows about fashion will know it’s a D&G number. Those who don’t know aren’t worth bothering about.

Here’s the thing though, if you know your friend wears ‘out there’ stuff and you know they spent thousands on it, why wasn’t your face ready with a big smile regardless? Like when a child presents you with something they’ve made and you know it’s gonna be sh*t, you’re still ready with the smile and the positive comments. That’s what you do for a friend.

All the defensive bite-back to various comments isn’t really helping that ‘mean girls’ image you’ve created.

user233675892 · 05/05/2026 10:47

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TeddybearBaby · 05/05/2026 09:42

ThatBlackCat · 05/05/2026 09:28

This board exists for people to get advice. If we had to consider the other person in the story no one would ever post anything on here. And the whole entire point of this board wouldn't exist and the board wouldn't exist. We don't need to be tone policed or told to 'be kind'. Certainly not on an anonymous thread on an anonymous forum. If people cannot grasp the idea of an anonymous forum they are welcome to leave Mumsnet. There are a few bullies on this thread attacking the OP but their posts are being reported and the overwhelming majority agree with OP's AIBU and aren't bullying and attacking her.

Show quote history

‘I’ve messaged this morning saying I’m sorry if I upset her and that I didn’t mean to, and that she shouldn’t let what I think affect her choice. She hasn’t replied.
How do I fix this? Do I just hope it blows over? I know I should have tried to hide my thoughts, but when she said she’d spent twice what I pay a month for my mortgage, I was expecting something amazing - I just couldn’t hide my reaction when I saw this monstrosity’.

This is literally her post, asking about the ‘other person’ in the story and how to fix things and my interpretation from the replies were be a kind and respectful friend / don’t take the piss out of your friends. Anyway, I’m not going to reply any more cos we have different views that aren’t going to change and I’m off out now, happy to disagree. Enjoy your day!

vincettenoir · 05/05/2026 09:35

I feel for you OP because I also have an expressive face that gives away more than I want to. This will blow over and I doubt it will have any lasting effect on the friendship other than your friend perhaps not sharing pics of her new dresses with you.

ThatBlackCat · 05/05/2026 09:28

TeddybearBaby · 05/05/2026 08:33

@ThatBlackCat Yes, I’m responding to all her replies to people who think she could have been a bit more delicate / tactful / kind because the way I read her post, it wasn’t asking if she was unreasonable to not like the dress it was more about hurting her friends feelings and how to repair the relationship. Someone thought that her posting the dress wasn’t kind and opened her friend up to ridicule but rather than taking those views on board and learning something she doubled down on being right so I just didn’t see the point. I do think some people post to get validation and don’t really want other perspectives, that was probably the situation here.

Edited

This board exists for people to get advice. If we had to consider the other person in the story no one would ever post anything on here. And the whole entire point of this board wouldn't exist and the board wouldn't exist. We don't need to be tone policed or told to 'be kind'. Certainly not on an anonymous thread on an anonymous forum. If people cannot grasp the idea of an anonymous forum they are welcome to leave Mumsnet. There are a few bullies on this thread attacking the OP but their posts are being reported and the overwhelming majority agree with OP's AIBU and aren't bullying and attacking her.