to think joint accounts aren’t the only “right” way to manage money in a marriage?

We’re exactly the same. Never had a joint account and never felt the need for one. All bills are paid on the 1st of the month (split percentage wise based on our income) then whatever is left is ours to do what we like with. It helps that we don’t have DC.

No?
DH moved in to my house. I continued to pay all bills from my account and tell him how much to give me. We have never had any desire to merge our bank accounts. I see no reason to.

It's funny, I see posts like this about all kinds of subjects where someone seems to think that people regularly say there's only one way to do something and usually that's not what I've seen at all.

Joint accounts is a good example. yes, I see lots of people saying joint accounts are the way to go. But actually, i think the underlying thing that comes up over and over again is that both partners should have equal access to money in a marriage. Most people don't care that much what that looks like, but where things get tricky is when it's obvious to people on the outsider that one partner is being taken advantage of or being disadvantaged. eg separate accounts and he's got an expensive gym membership, a brand new mercedes and a regular golf habit including weekends away and she's struggling to get the funds to cut her hair, can't afford her MOT on her 15 year old renault and hasn't had a night away in 5 years.

Or when one person makes all the big decisions - new house, building work, holidays etc - because they earn the bulk of the money.

Or one partner has a massive pension and the other has nothing...

etc etc etc.

Whatever works for you really.
We have several joint accounts (bills and savings ones for house, each dc, holidays and contingency). But we have separate current accounts and savings accounts too.
we put amounts into various accounts which is proportional to our incomes, but it works out that I cover the food and cleaner, my car tax, council tax and ds school lunches, he basically pays the rest (he out earns me 4:1).
Just works for us, we each transfer the same into our own current accounts each month so have equal spending power.

There isn't a right or wrong but if your DH hadn't paid 90% of bills, I think you'd agree a joint account is sensible so that you can jointly finance and manage it.

I don't think mamy people only have a joint account though. We get salaries paid into our own account and pay £1k each into the joint account.

But everything is ours regardless of who pays. Unless one of us uses our "own money" to buy something (usually after having left a purse at home and resorting to using the personal bank card on the phone to pay), then we'll have a week of joking about me letting him use my new saucepan or eating my hummus.😆

Other times if one of us has built up an excess in our current account we will use it for fixing the car, going on a holiday rather than transferring to the joing account... and then cue the same joke about him taking me on holiday or hoping he is enjoying my new clutch.

It works for you because you barely pay any bills - if you were equally responsible you’d want more transparency

I don’t think there is any right or wrong and what works for one couple won’t work for another.
Both our wages are paid into our own accounts although we both know what the other earns and naturally tell each other if we’ve had a bonus or pay increase.
We have a joint account for food, joint outings etc. For bills we pro rata our contributions as my husband earns significantly more than me and I transfer my share to him as bills are in his name as he had the house before we met. We pay equally into the joint account for food and the same for holidays.
We have our own savings however they are often used for joint things eg he’s saving to pay off the mortgage, I had some money gifted from my parents which I will put towards clearing the mortgage.
He had the same system as you with his ex wife and it caused resentment on both sides as both thought they were paying for more than the other so for us pro rata ing works better because we are both paying a percentage of everything.
Bit again I truly believe there is no right or wrong as long as both parties are happy with the arrangements.

It seems to be seen as a safeguard against financial abuse,one person having all the control or knowledge of the finances etc. However, if you are with a person with that mindset, that you have to safeguard yourself against, there will find a way and it’s a shit marriage/partnership anyway and there will be other issues too.

We had joint account for bills and individual accounts that our pay , child benefit etc went into.
The key point though is we knew about each other's finances, discussed big purchases, savings etc.

I agree, it’s one way but not the only way.

We have a joint account for bills but separate accounts for income and savings. Doesn’t mean it isn’t ’our money’ it’s just held in different ways.

It’s entirely personal choice and what works for you. We’ve always had joint accounts.
What I would say though is if your husband was to die before you, you wouldn’t have access to the money in his personal account and vice versa as the account would be suspended.

Thats fair enough. I definitely don’t get the ‘one pot’ model that many on here have! We have a joint account and split the bills with it but I’d hate not to have my own accounts with my own money.

90%/10% split seems very disproportionate though.

If it works , it is fair and BOTH partners are happy with the situation, then whichever way it is being done, is the right way.

No joint accounts here and it works well.

Of course there are other ways. I guess I’ve seen that mainly (not always - sometimes they are the high earner) women tend to lose out more often with separate money when kids are in the equation because they take maternity leave and sometimes go part time. I find it incredible how many women are busy caring for their kids whilst given no financial support to do so.

I’ve been a SAHM, I’ve been the breadwinner and I’ve been an equal earner. I do think sharing money fairly and transparently taking into account shared children’s needs is very important. Exactly how you do that is up to you. For us the mental labour of working everything out wouldn’t be worth it. We just have a joint account. But if you have a way that works for you then great.

I agree with you OP. We've had a very similar set up to you for over 50 years and it’s always worked well for us. We’ve never found a need to have joint accounts.

We have a joint account but it’s purely used for paying the mortgage. Other than that, we have separate finances. My parents have been married nearly 50 years and never had a joint account. I do think that it probably only works for us because DH and I are both high earners and so we don’t need to worry too much about budgeting. He does out-earn me a lot and so has more disposable income but it doesn’t really bother me because I’ve got plenty for my own needs/wants (and quite often he just saves his and then spends it on family stuff like holidays).

Yes someone could empty a joint account, but equally your husband could stop paying his share of the bills and you won't know until the bailiffs turn up at your door.

Whatever works for you both, joint account just saved a lot of calculations imo but I think people are safer with separate accounts

Of course not. I've been married over 20 years and we've never had a joint account.

It's entirely the personal choice of the couple.

YANBU. All our finances have been joint since before we were married. Works for us but it's not for everyone!

Apologies for the multiple posts! Dodgy internet connection 🙈

Each to his own. We always had a joint account. It made life simpler. We only consulted each other if we were planning a big spend - otherwise we spent as we wished and trusted each other to be sensible.

All our money was in joint names, except the Premium Bonds.

The joint current account was immensely advantageous when he died.

It's absolutely fine to do whatever works for you.
However, you say you don't agree with people saying not having join accounts is due to mistrust while in the very next paragraph saying you are weary of situation where one person empties a joint account... Which is also ok. I don't believe that we should blindly trust anyone.

Of course its ok not to have joint accounts.

Joint accounts are really handy for shared family costs. Separate personal accounts are also really handy for a whole range of separate personal finances. So yeah, mix n match is great from my POV. If a family wants everything all in one joint account that's fine too, if it works for them. For me it slightly removes the option for both individuals to have some level of financial autonomy.