to think joint accounts aren’t the only “right” way to manage money in a marriage?

Yeah this is what I think.

You need a joint account AND your own accounts. Both people should be able to access all bills. What would you do if he suddenly died? The joint account is for all bills related to your lives.

Separate accounts have always worked for us. DH and I have been together since we were teens. I have adhd and was rather frivolous with money when I was younger and by my own admission I'd have probably bankrupted us both if we had opted for joint accounts when we married 25 years ago. DH has always been very sensible with money.

I am much better now I am in my 50's but it's worked so well for us so we have kept it that way.

Married 30 years ! Never had joint account !
We spend our own money on what we like no questions needed !
And we have never argued over money I dont even think about it !

I’ve always found it a bit odd that married couples pool every single penny together, but I’d never judge it. It’s just not for me.

My husband and I have a joint account where on payday we pay half the mortgage into and half the bills. We then each have a ‘joint savings’ pot which is where money from things like family/house sale etc go and then we each have our own current account and ‘personal savings’ pots. I like having my own money and knowing I can go into Boots and spend £30 on random things and I don’t have to even mention it!

We're married no kids we don't have a joint account.
He moved into my house which already had all bills set up.
He just transfers his share to pay for them.
We just split big expenses

We set a joint account up to pay for our wedding, then once married we continued with it. It makes everything so much easier, bills, going out for meals, buying clothes for the kids. It just comes out of the joint account. We both pay the same amount in each month from our salary as soon as we are paid.

She's just asking a question! And your answer seems to agree with her.

We have separate accounts - savings and current. We also have a joint account from which most bills are paid which we each pay into. There is also a buffer building up in the joint account to cover incidental things that go on in the house such as minor repairs or bills charged annually. I'd like all our bills paid from the joint account and have been changing bank details each time a renewal comes up - nearly there now!
Any big expenditures are discussed and decided jointly how they are funded.

The OP is asking if joint accounts aren't the only right way to manage money in a marriage. The answers on here suggest that she's correct. Which is fine.

But every now and then I think about access to accounts if something happened to one of us, that would be the thing that pushes me to combine them.

We don't have a joint account, we have been together since quite young and it would have been odd to combine our finances and then we never bothered. There's no 'my money, your money' we both pay bills, buy suff for dc and ourselves. Its all shared and there's no scrutiny, just two different pots.

Our joint account had everything in - both our salaries were paid into the joint account, so no extra "layer of admin" as someone has suggested. It was simplicity itself.

Yabu because every couple can do what works for them. I have also been married 25 years and have totally joint finances. That works for us.

Exactly. When my OH died things were seamless as we had a joint account and I could pay all the bills with no problems.

We had a joint account to save for our wedding which for historical reasons we have kept. It’s been almost 30 years. It has just over £100 in it. Whoever outlives the other is to take the money out and go for a lovely dinner and toast the deceased.

We have kept money separate, we invest though lower risk these days as older and less time to recoup. Decisions have to be made quickly, obviously we have done some mighty risky stuff in the past and sometimes it’s not been a great outcome. Overall the way we run our finances has been to our advantage and we have made more money than if we kept them separate. I’m not asking permission on how much I can spend or being queried on why I have bought X out of an account.

We do mention if we are buying anything that is expensive.

YANBU. We've been together for 34 years, married for 23 of those and have never had a joint account. He pays some bills, I pay some. I know lots of people find it hard to believe, but we never argue about money.

YANBU my husband and I don’t have a joint account, we have never felt the need to, would just add another layer of admin to our financial set up.

Both are aware of what the other has in the bank, and consider our money family money.

We've only had a joint account for a couple of years (together over 40) so that if one of us dies, bills can still be paid. All bills including household expenses like food come out of it. We put in proportionate to our incomes. We happily had separate accounts when we both worked but earned roughly the same throughout our relationship. We've never had a cross word over money.

How you store your money and manage it month to month really doesn’t matter, it’s whatever works best for you. What does matter is that the money is managed for the benefit of the whole family unit so it’s not a case of one partner having access to a large amount of funds, able to spend frivolously and the other not having enough to meet basic needs, getting into debt etc.

I had a joint account with exh, was fine, I don’t with my now dh but have access to his online banking to move money to my account if needed (actually no need, life is different once kids have left)

We have always had separate bank accounts for over 40 years. He works full time I work part time. He pays all household bills I pay for shopping. It has always worked for us. We are open about our finances. If either of us came into money it would be family money though. Neither of us has a disposable income after bills are paid so there is no resentment of one having more money than the other.

We have both. Joint for bills and separate savings and currents for ourselves. DH covered most of the mortgage from his own account though and I transferred to him monthly.

I try to save but I am spendy so I don't feel guilty. I also tend to buy all DC clothes, uniform and shoes. I don't feel restricted if its coming directly from me but would if it was coming from the joint account. Weird as that sounds. He actually wouldnt mind just thinks i buy too much. We have been together 18 yrs lived together 17, it works for us.

Caveat all above is that we still see all of this as joint money. If it was required for something important it would be moved to cover it.

Joint is the only way for us because we’ve been together since teenagers. Everything we have we have built together, we literally brought nothing into this marriage. We had children young, DH’s role was pivotal in launching my career and our family so to speak, now I am the higher earner considerably. Everything we’ve earned we’ve done as a team and there will never be his and hers. We do have separate bank accounts though still, pooling money doesn’t have to mean no financial independence. It’s just we see the total pot as jointly earned.

I understand it would be different if you met later in life and had already started building assets. Or if you don’t have children, it’s children that complicate things because there is just such inequality for a woman getting pregnant. I think it’s very difficult to have a fair situation with children handling money separately.

You don’t have to have only one bank account. I’m sure the 90/10 split is working very well for you!

We have a joint account for bills but if i want to spend £200 on shoes or makeup it comes out of my personal account and no one's gonna stop me!
Family expenses go on a credit card which is considered a monthly bill like everything else.