to think joint accounts aren’t the only “right” way to manage money in a marriage?

We've been together nearly 30 years & have a joint account for bills, home repairs etc & a joint savings account for holidays, parties etc. However, we both have our wages paid into personal accounts then transfer the same amount each into the joint accounts. We've never argued over money. What's left in my account is mine to spend on whatever I like & what's left in his is for him to spend on whatever he likes. It works for us but may not work for others.

You have to do what suits you both.
The chances of me remarrying again are very slim, but the only way I’d want to manage finances is for us both to pay an agreed amount into a joint account for joint expenses. I’d want him to have his own personal account and I’d do the same.

More fool you is all I can say.

Never had a joint account and I pay all bills, mortgage, food etc. In our situation partner works PT and is able to be the saver in the family. In our culture it would be a no-no to dictate to your partner what do. Also, if you're in a controlling relationship escaping joint finances is a nightmare. Remember its a partnership

Married for 30 years, no joint accounts. Now thinking of jointing our accounts (but having our own joint accounts IYSWIM) to make it easier when we pop our clogs.

I don’t really think of it like that.

New bathroom project on the go - he’s paying .

He bought me my car - I run and maintain it so don’t feel like I’m disadvantaged at all despite the discrepancies in salaries. so guess I’m not too bothered if he has more spending money than me - I benefit too as do my DCs.

As for pensions, I have my own private pension and we have a lot of equity in our family home so that is part of our retire discussions.

I don’t feel I’m in denial, I m lucky I live a comfortable life and choose to work and have my own money. As I said, these threads are always interesting and thought provoking.

The only issue is, what happens when someone becomes ill in hospital, say in a coma, or dies. I know this situation has happened to two people I know this year. For those reason myself and dh, are arranging an appointment to make the account that is in dh name only, where all the household bills come out from a joint one. We also have another joint account and our own accounts. I don't want to have accounts frozen and be unable to do anything in the event of one of the above happening.

As long as you both know how much each others earns and are open about things fine. I would keep my accounts seperate but would rather have a joint account for bills and mortgage and funds in there for food, kids etc. I think paying proportionally is also best. Then what’s left if yours

Indeed. I find it interesting I’ve asked a couple of posters for clarity on the discrepancy and they haven’t responded, they know their situation isn’t fair, some denial going on here I think.

But this thread has been interesting, I don’t think it’s not having a joint account that’s the issue, that’s just a logistical matter that can be overcome in different ways. But I will never, ever think it’s right a married couple have (where there are children at least) differing amounts of money.

Whatever works for you. Lots of my friends are changing deeds on house so partner doesnt automatically inherit their half. Idea is to protect kids against early death and partner remarrying.

My dh (not that ex) and I have both joint and personal accounts.

"equally your husband could stop paying his share of the bills and you won't know until the bailiffs turn up at your door."

My ex did this. I had no idea until they arrived to change the locks.

It's about the individuals and the relationship. Joint accounts have worked for my OH and me because we're so similar in savings and spending habits, but we're also open to working in new ways and yo new ideas.

My brother has always spent more than he earned. His marriage was doomed because of this. Money and raising children.... Big impact on marriage. That and interior design choices, of course. 😜

Agree there's no one correct way.

I do think on the whole that a married couple should consider their overall finances to be "joint" in terms of decision making.

A joint account for our salaries and bills, with an equal amount transferred to each of our personal accounts to cover our "personal" spends works for us. I spend less than my husband on social and hobbies, but also struggle sometimes to justify other spending on myself. Having personal spends means that I can remind myself I have a pot to treat myself to nice things with and also not worry about what my husband is spending his money on either.

Hmm - not sure you're getting a fair deal here! He likes expensive cars and golfing.. and you buy a pot of mid range face cream?

Of course it's fine for every couple to do what works for them! We opened a joint account before we got married, we were probably a bit naive (we were 21) but it's all worked out 😊 we are now mid 40s and still have the set up, never had any issues.

DH earned more than me for the first few years and later for a few years when I retrained. I currently earn about 20k more than him. But I earned more the rest of the time. Didn't matter who earned more, we have always been happy to put all in one pot and share our income fairly. We've never viewed money as belonging to one or the other. We are a partnership.

I guess we are lucky it's worked out for us.

We've one joint savings account too.

We’ve been married for years and have a joint account, because what’s the point in not having one? The money in the marriage is jointly owned anyway.

It is whatever you are comfortable with.

I told DH I wouldn't be comfortable being a SAHM without full access to all income and joint savings. Sometimes kids need something and it would be a pain to always be reconciling expenses.

Having an equal amount of personal spending money sent to our own accounts works well for our own expenses such as date nights, hobbies or personal care etc.

You do whatever works for you. There's no right or wrong way.

My only thought is to make sure you know what each other has & where for estate planning. We do some claims for clients (financial planning) when clients partners' pass. Often people come to us for help after their spouse passes, so working from whatever they give us. I've personally discovered a missing insurance policy among their documents, and had one present us with an investment statement that arrived by post with no idea what it was. No debts, thankfully. It made the job harder & more expensive. I also worry about when DF passes as DM knows nothing & I vaguely know some of it. He's very private about it. I know it's messy. Just discovered a debt he has to a family member DM thought was paid off. It'll be a nightmare to sort.

Yikes, it sounds like you are having to pay for most things?

I have been married 26 years. I have never had, or will never have a joint account with my husband. I pay the morgage, buy the food and pay every thing needed for my car, he pays everything else. My husband cannot be trusted with money and as a result is in a great deal of debt. I do not know what he spends his money on, I have paid for all renovations to our house which includes a new kitchen, a loft conversion and 2 new bathrooms. If we had a joint account, I doubt very much we would have a house, my husband is that rubbish with money. So seperate accounts work well with me

It depends. It seems odd to split expenses as a couple with children and it seems very unhealthy as a couple with children to have one parent well off and the other just managing. My ideal would be a joint account plus a private account each with $10,000 "emergency money" or a fixed amount added each week for personal spending. That allows for escape or ready access to funds if one person dies.
But couoles who get together older sometimes maintain financial independence quite well especially if they have similar financial situations.