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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to expect my husband to share night feeds and weekends?

136 replies

Lisbonismycity · 02/05/2026 08:05

Is it unreasonable to expect me to do all the nightfeeds? Have woken up livid this morning.

Originally it was planned both of us share the same, smaller and warmer room with our DS. He is 4 weeks old. Husband had fed him a couple of times overnight and will feed him once in the evening (10-12pm when try to sleep) - he has overfed him a couple of times and will be watching TV, casually having a glass of wine or using his phone when they are together, so I barely sleep with worry leaving him but I do need a break. I tried breast feeding but moved to bottle - baby gaining weight and happy. Husband went back to work couple of weeks ago and I agreed it was sensible for him to use the spare bedroom to sleep when he is working the next day to not get woken up so he can work.

He is not working this weekend and retired to the spare bedroom at 11/12pm after DS last feed - he is still in bed now and planning go to running this morning and golfing all afternoon. I have been up with baby since 5 after a feed at 2. Slept 3-4 hours each night since he was born.

It is really wearing thin.
I have managed to seek out a baby sitter / child minder to help. He said ‘we dont need a baby sitter to help’, but I ignored and have booked her starting end of May, even if she comes to the house so I can to the bedroom for a proper rest without worrying a couple of times a week. I live far away from family, they are three hours away so have no support. The baby sitter who visited on Wednesday said I was doing a great job as I looks like I am doing it all alone.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Moonnstarz · 02/05/2026 08:19

I voted YABU for hiring the childminder rather than focusing on your DH and his responsibility as a parent.
I also don't understand some of your issues - he watches TV when with the baby? So did I!
Also if he is doing the last feed at 11/12 then you need to be going to bed earlier. As another poster suggested, you need a system of he stays up late to do the last feed while you sleep and then you pick up in the morning.
I also don't know what you mean by he overfed them?

I do think he needs to put some of his hobbies on hold though and you are not unreasonable about that, or you need to also say you are going out for the same length of time and he will need to watch the baby.

Morepositivemum · 02/05/2026 08:19

I hate the spare bedroom thing- you’re supposed to be a team this leads it into you are responsible for everything that goes on at nighttime. Weekends we used to get a lie in each but alternated night feeds. The golf thing is annoying, while I get he’s been working all week, you need as much of a break

Ponoka7 · 02/05/2026 08:18

What was your reply when he announced his run and golf? Did he agree to 50/50 when ttc? What do you mean by 'over fed' the baby?

Thickasabrick89 · 02/05/2026 08:18

What was he like before baby?

Original poster
Lisbonismycity · 02/05/2026 08:17

ChristAliveHelp · 02/05/2026 08:12

Yanbu. I would be telling him hes not going golfing today, hes having the baby and your going out. He sounds bloody useless.

He has been alarmingly and surprisingly useless. Marginally better than doing it myself but even then it has been like having two children. (Him and the baby). I will never have another child with him, sadly I seen myself with a big family but knowing what I have seen now if would be stupid of me to even consider it. Love my little boy and enjoying motherhood so far despite this, but have to have a reality check that I am heading down the road of ‘married single mother’.

OP posts:
Mulledjuice · 02/05/2026 08:14

We chose that after DP went back to work at 3 weeks he would look after the baby til 12. I would go to bed about 7/8 to get some sleep then do the rest of the night. He then did 30 mins in the morning before work so I could shower in peace. He also took baby out for a few hours at the weekend. That worked for us. DC was EBF and refused a bottle.

He did not golf all afternoon - to me that would be the unacceptable bit.

Why is it worrying that he is watching TV while with your baby? That shouldn't keep you awake.

Ella31 · 02/05/2026 08:14

Your husband needs to pull his weight. I've a 3 week old and a year old. I do the week nights as dh works and minds our 1 year old in the early mornings. But dh does the weekend nights (he works mon to fri) or I'd be dead. This week was so hard for example but dh took over as agreed last night so i slept until 7am and relieved him and he's just gone to bed there. I'll watch baby and our 1 year old today to let him rest. It works well.

You were absolutely right about the babysitter. Its laughable that he'd deny you that whilst going golfing7

Myfridgeiscool · 02/05/2026 08:12

I had one like this. He did a total one night feed for our DD, resentment set in very quickly. Killed the relationship very quickly.

Great idea to get the babysitter. Look after yourself, he’s made it clear he’s not going to help you. The running and golf is an additional kick in the teeth. Completely unreasonable.

ChristAliveHelp · 02/05/2026 08:12

Yanbu. I would be telling him hes not going golfing today, hes having the baby and your going out. He sounds bloody useless.

Topjoe19 · 02/05/2026 08:09

YANBU. Tomorrow you go out for the afternoon, as he is doing his thing today. Do not give in to any nonsense from him about it.

Start as you mean to go on. And yes he does need to share the nights and weekends.

Well done on sticking to your guns about the babysitter.

Aprilmaymum · 02/05/2026 08:09

Yes. It is not on. This is not just your baby it is both of your baby. I would suggest a sit down and talking. Doing things like golf etc while you’re struggling is awful of him. He needs to step up or you will soon step out of the relationship. Tell him you need and talk now