AIBU to be annoyed the breakfast bowls were still in the table 24hrs later?

Unless the kids were very little, I would expect each person to clear their own bowl / plate / cup etc away as they finish eating and leave the table.

This. I could not imagine just leaving my own bowl and walk away? Why?! And why don’t the children also do this, unless they are 1 year olds.

I see both sides to this.

If a man left his breakfast stuff on the table for his wife to deal with, he'd be handed his arse to him for treating her as a skivvy.

But equally that doesn't mean it's okay for everyone's dishes to be left for 24 hours either.

You’re entirely NOT unreasonable, @Tigerswift

Your DH is. It doesn’t take a whole day to make a lasagne. He is a bit of a dick to throw it all back at you.

Is this a regular thing though? You doing the bulk of the paid work PLUS being expected to do the bulk of the running the home work as well?

What does your DH do on the 3 days he’s not working? Sounds like very little.

Marriages break up over these apparently trivial things I suggest you discuss this with him. He needs to lift his game, frankly.

Good luck

It's never just the dishes. Dishes are just something tangible. It's about being not appreciated and perception of fairness. Reading OP posts, resentment is building quickly and that will kill your relationship eventually. Need to have some very clear responsibilities and expectations for all members of the family that need to be met.
OP you're on an end of relationship path if you are posting about dishes on a public forum. Time for a very serious conversation when you have some space and everyone is calm.

MN has really opened my eyes to the different expectations people have in their households. Despite working fewer hours than my husband, I still expect him to take his own dirty dishes to the sink/dishwasher, and I expect the same from my children. I don’t think it would even occur to any of them not to do that, it would go entirely against their natures and how they’d been brought up. Equally I don’t pick dirty washing up off floors; if it’s not in the washing basket it doesn’t get washed. If my husband noticed our children leaving their dirty dishes on the table, he would tell them to move them, despite working more hours than me.
If I walked into the kitchen and they’d all gone off to work and school having left their dirty dishes for me to clean up I would be pretty shocked and I can’t imagine it ever happening, but if it did I would tidy them away so as not to have them festering on the table all day, but I’d be having words with them when they got home about respect and personal responsibility.

Support her husband in encouraging their eldest to tidy away. My partner supports me and he's the main breadwinner. They should both be teaching this young person to show respect and to help others. Let's not forget he was cooking two meals that day a lasagne for a friend who came out of hospital and their own meal. I would be telling off the eldest for not helping not having a row with my other half.

I'm assuming this is a pattern of behaviour or the tip of the iceberg because if it's a one off incident then you have vastly overreacted. Its such a small thing to be upset over.

We're in the habit of removing everything to the sink, no matter what anyway, but if I'd been at work all day then DH would have moved anything left here and I don't think I've ever come back to breakfast/lunchtime things needing to be washed. Same for me, when he worked full-time and I just worked lunchtime, I'd clear everything away, do a couple of household tasks minimum.

DH might have frowned about cooking a meal for someone else, but I guess it depends who they are.

If this instance was one in a long line of him not 'pulling his weight' while you work 11 hour days then YANBU.

If it was a one off then YABU.

Sounds like you need to establish routines and responsibilities better between you so you are less likely to fall out over something that, in the grand scheme of life (breakfast bowls not being cleared away) is pretty trivial.

I am not disputing what the op should or shouldn't have done. Her eldest should have chipped in. I wouldn't be questioning my husband I would be questioning my eldest.

I can't believe what I'm reading here. Have I missed something? Op's partner works 2 days a week. This was a day when they were at home, while Op was working a 11 hour day. His only 'job' was to be there in the house to keep their child company. The lazy sod couldn't even be bothered to clear up after breakfast and his excuse is that he had to make a lasagne. Regardless of whether they are male or female, I'd expect the person who is at home all day... not working... to clear up after breakfast and do a bit of housework.
Op - if he can't be bothered to keep the house tidy in the 5 days each week when he's at home, maybe it's time for him to go back to full time work and you do some caring.

I didn’t say she should be responsible for teaching them. Both adults in the house should be responsible for teaching their children to have respect for others, and to grow up to be functional human beings.

No it wouldn’t. My husband works 13 hour days and on the days he’s working I don’t expect him to worry about tidying. He’s either rushing to work or coming home exhausted from a very physical job. My only focus for him on those days is making sure he’s fed before he’s left because he’s doing all of this for us.

OPs husband should have cleared them away and sounds like he should be doing a hell of a lot more

on the days my husband doesn’t work he makes sure I’m looked after too

Yes, I never said otherwise? My point was that it disrespectful for anyone to leave their dirty dishes on a table with the expectation that someone else would clean them up.
And actually, despite working more hours than me, my husband absolutely would call the children back to clear their own dirty dishes away, and has plenty of input into teaching them to help out at home, because he believes those things to be important. He wouldn’t let them leave their stuff for me to clean up, just as he wouldn’t leave his own stuff for me to clean up. As I said, basic respect.

This exactly what I’m getting from this thread!

Also how she should be teaching the DCs to do the same.

He is literally sat at home all day doing nothing, whilst she’s doing an 11 hour shift!!

Yet somehow she’s to blame for him not even tidying his own things away.

How old are your children, OP?

I would be a bit annoyed but I would pick my battles unless this is a recurring thing. I feel like maybe it is recurring because the DH has used making a lasagne as a reason for not clearing up breakfast things, while I think the clear up would usually come either during the prep or the clean up from the lasagne. If I worked for 11 hours a day I would be annoyed if the SAHP left basic daily chores for me to do

It's insane to me that it's still falling on the woman in this scenario who is working outside the home more and working long hours to teach the man how to tidy the fuck up.

No, bowls generally shouldn't still be on the table 24 hours later.

Yes, I agree he should tidy away his own things.

I think you should have put your bowl in the sink. Start to mirror the behaviour you want. If your eldest is at home, doing nothing, it isn't doing them any good. Time for a sit down meeting between you all, but speak to your DH first. It would have done your eldest the world of good to be helping cook etc, it's an achievement. If they can't function, they need medication to get to a point of functioning. Then, while you (and your DH) are out at work, they play their part in running the house. If everyone picks up after themselves, declutter etc, it doesn't take a lot.

These things are not linear. If your toddler grows up to be a teen too anxious to go to school with self harm cuts all the way down their arms (random examples, I'm not saying OP's does,) then all the routine & practice you built in goes out of the window. You don't make cereal bowls, or emptying the dishwasher, the hill you die on.

OP we have a similar set up to you, and leaving washing up is a no fault issue here. As PP said this is not about cereal bowls. I think you were already cross with each other.

Ok so why not clean his own stuff up at least?

There is no excuse for someone who is sat at home all day doing nothing, to not clean up the breakfast things.

Ok so you agree with me that as the PT worker, it is god responsibility to do the cooking and cleaning etc and if he wants the DCs involved, then it’s on him to get them involved.