AIBU to be annoyed the breakfast bowls were still in the table 24hrs later?

You are very unreasonable to cause a ‘terrible row’ over bowls left on the table.

Do you leave your dirty dishes on the table in the morning for him to deal with like the OP did?

I work a 12 hour shift and it is absolutely exhausting,14 hours including the driving.
When I get home my house is a palace ,my husband ensures I can walk in through the door and flop with a glass of wine.

Was the dishwasher emptied?

Absolutely. Everyone would be banging on about the disrespectful DH treating his wife like a maid/skivvy/servant.

His DD doesn’t need active hands on care. It’s in the OP, FFS!

Indeed it would probably have been therapeutic for a highly anxious teenager to have helped both clearing breakfast things and making a lasagne

And why didn’t the DH make st least 2 lasagne dishes, so that his own family had a meal ready for them? Lasagne is a good batch cook freezer staple in my house.

Absolutely this

always the case on here

Making a lasagne from scratch doesn't take all day. He will have had plenty of time to move the breakfast crockery. It sounds as though you work much harder than he does if you are working full time with 11 hour days and he is working only two days a week. You have said that your eldest child doesn't need hands-on care. Do they need a lot of attention from their dad, making it difficult for him to find time to do some household chores?

If this was the other way around a woman said, "I work PT and take 2 days off to care for my disabled child. My husband left his breakfast bowl on the table, instructed me to make a lasagne for a sick friend and went to work. I forgot to clear the bowls off the table whilst I was busy with other tasks, including making the lasagne, and he is cross with me." The responses would be very different.

If I was your husband and I’d been busy all day, and made that lasagne, and you told me off for not moving those bowls,

But how was @Tigerswift ‘s husband “busy all day”? Their DC just needs an adult there, not particularly hands-on active care. There was a lasagne to make - 1 hour tops, and 30 minutes of that is cooking it in the oven!

What else has this lazy arse man got to do? Clearly he did nothing.

A tricky one. If I was your husband and I’d been busy all day, and made that lasagne, and you told me off for not moving those bowls, I might not be overjoyed either. Equally it’s not nice to come home and feel you need to clear the table. Yes they should have been cleared. Whose were they? Maybe a conversation to have with everyone about minimum standards expected, and why (so the next person doesn’t have to clear up before organising the next meal or using the table in some way.)

Seems there is more of an underlying issue here. Possibly you feel a little bit resentful and given the circumstances so would I. My husband doesnt work and I do, he does actually do loads of stuff to run the house but on odd occasions if I put washing on the line before work and its still there at 5pm, I inwardly get cross but I wouldnt say anything. So I think its OK for you to be annoyed. On the other hand you dont say how old your child is. Is he school age and being home schooled? What happens to him/her on 2 days your partner works?

Totally not unreasonable. I went on a last minute holiday with our children while partner stayed home to work (he encouraged us to go, it was the end of my mat leave and he couldn't take the time off). Came back a week later and the kids breakfast leftovers were still out (and hard as a brick!) I was fuming !

YABU what does it matter, why sweat the small stuff, isn’t there enough crap in life without worrying about a few bowls. And could you not have out your own in the sink to soak and washed it up later?

Absolutely, and I'd be really cross too if I was OP.

TBF making a lasagne whilst eating your breakfast is impressive.

Was he off work, or were they the 2 days a week he works?

By you referring to a kid not being able to be home alone due to anxiety I'm assuming your kids are old enough to empty the dishwasher and put their bowls in it? I'd also expect you as an adult to empty your bowl and put it in the sink at least rather than just leaving dirty crockery on the table.

Did he want to make the lasagne? Is the bowls thing his way of making a point?

That's the problem divided they fall together they are strong they both need to challenge the eldest. Op has already proved that DH should have done the cleaning and the cooking while their eldest sits on their backside. What a life.

I ain't even answering this. The elder can't help and neither will step in and say anything. I guess I am lucky to be part of a team where one doesn't feel more superior because they work. The one sitting there doing nothing would have been both our targets not eachother.

It really doesn’t matter, if my DH left a bowl on the table because he was getting ready for an 11 hour shift, I wouldn’t think that’s shitty behaviour at all, I’d just pick the bowls up if I was at home all day and sort them, I’d also ask the kids to out their bowls in the sink/dishwasher. The partner left their pots also on the table so yes I agree that was lazy

Where did I say the children aren’t capable?

In my world she should have put it away herself! No one should have walked away and left plates on the table!

I couldn't get worked up about this. He's been busy in the kitchen and probably forgot the bowls were there.

Leaving your own breakfast bowl on the table, "suggesting" he cooks for a friend in hospital and leaving for work makes it sound like you expect him to be a housemaid running around after everyone when he works (albeit part-time) and is primary carer for a disabled child.

This is a very wise & accurate perspective: it's not just the breakfast dishes being left for 24 hours. I don't suppose this is the first time that @Tigerswift 's DH has turned on the OP to accuse her, when it's his laziness. I don't suppose it's the first time he's been lazy, either.

And I'm honestly a bit aghast at some of the posts saying "Oh, well he had to cook a lasagne" as if it's an excuse for him not doing anything about dirty dishes for 24 hours. Honestly, how long do some of you take to cook a lasagne? And oh, the cruelty of the OP to "make" him cook a lasagne for a friend. Sheesh!

I work at least a 10 hour day, and have no domestic help - I can make an lasagne from scratch (almost - I do buy pasta, rather than make my own) while I'm making my breakfast. 20 minutes tops - only as long as it takes to cook the meat or tomato sauce, and the béchamel sauce. FFS it doesn't take all day.

Your DH is a lazy arse @Tigerswift and he's done a classic DARVO on you - when he knows (deep down) he's wrong, he turns around your criticism and blames you.

YANBU.

So you had breakfast and went to work. What happened when you got back and for the next 12 hours - to mean they were there for 24 hours. Surely when you are both home, it's all hands on deck not your DH has to do all the domestic chores as he only works part time? I imagine this might have gone differently if the roles were reversed. You would have people saying the mum was parenting during the day (and making lasagne for a friend and whatever else) and that they are not a skivy who is expected to clean up after their DH.

OP you are supposed to be a team. Maybe all get into the habit of moving pots to the kitchen and either putting them in the dishwasher or putting them by the dishwasher if it is already on or needs emptying. Your kids can get involved in this. I have taught my DS to take his pots into the kitchen after eating (although getting him to put them in the dishwasher is still a work in progress). I struggle with a good dishwasher routine myself. If he forgets, I shout him back to do it. That's how it becomes a habit.