To not want to talk to my neighbours?

I live in an enormous city. I speak to my neighbours and I know they speak to each other. It makes the neighbourhood friendlier. If I'm in a hurry I will ask if everything is ok and say I have to dash. If they said they have a problem, I'd tell them I would give them a knock later. Although that has never happened.

If you keep cutting them short, I'm sure they will stop trying to be friendly so no need to feel claustrophobic.

I have a friendly neighbour who I chat to briefly occasionally and say hello etc. The neighbour on the otherside runs indoors to avoid saying hello.

That's fine by me but now she's got a dog, she wants to chat & I can see where this is going. She wants a free dog sitter for when she's off on holiday and I've shut that down immediately. I now run indoors when she's out so I don't have to speak to her. Two can play at that game, I hate users.

By all means be unsociable but don't expect people to help you out when you need a favour.

I agree.

Our while civilization is based on us learning to communicate and more importantly, cooperate.
I don’t know why someone would move to an area where people are friendly to each other if they don’t want to be like that.
I live on the outskirts of a city, but it is a total community and everyone talks - even at the bus stop.
My sister lives in the very centre of the city and has a huge community of friendly neighbours - former and current council houses, where some have been sold on to ‘hipsters’ like my sister and everyone who has moved in, moved in because of the friendly neighborhood!

Thankfully I get on well with the neighbours on both sides.

Good god, what has the world become when people can't even say hello to each other, or pass the time of day 🙄

Been in our house over 20 years, same neighbours to one side for ages, new other side. If I’m not in the mood, I don’t do more than a passing greeting. Last year, tho, there were some dodgy dealings in the street and we co-ordinated to have cctv installed in a car park/wrote to the mayor/MP/council/reported to police. We aren’t friends, but we are friendly. We’re moving soon, hopefully rurally without neighbours, that’s a main criteria.

Big smile and off you go-waving.
Join in the things you want-don’t the things you don’t.

I've got chatty, friendly neighbours and those that I'm barely in nodding contact with. Either is fine.

I felt surprised and shy when I moved from a city to a town, was so different to what I was used to but you get used to it and it's nice having neighbors you can get along and help each other.

You wouldn't survive where I live, Northern town. It’s the sort of place total strangers say good morning and lots of times you end up in random chats with people. Bus stop, queue, if you ever feel like a chat along the canal is a guaranteed chat. I grew up in a very small rural seaside community where everyone knew everyone. DH grew up on the outskirts of London and went to school in London and he is a bit like you, I just call him mardy and leave him to it.

Sure, and I do get that some rural communities in particular can be quite stifling with everyone living in each other’s pockets. I would find that a nightmare.

But you can’t move somewhere like that and expect to never exchange a friendly word with neighbours.

Nobody is suggesting ‘social isolation’ - it’s nice they are friendly but it’s not compulsory to be drawn into it.

I’m in SE and obviously never speak to my neighbours aside from waving and saying hello when parking up etc

Edited to add, we all do each other’s bins so that’s sorted!

I would just say sorry, got to dash.

One 20 minute conversation with your neighbour has left you feeling claustrophobic?!

if nothing else it’s handy to have good relationships with neighbours as they can put your bins out when you’re away. Look upon it as an investment. Who knows, in time you might even grow to enjoy a friendly chat.

Surely it depends how much talking you mean?

I literally don’t have time for 20 minute conversations with the neighbours, so I would just make my excuses and say I had to go if someone was really going on.

But it’s a bit precious and churlish to live somewhere and expect to live in a bubble of social seclusion. You can’t reasonably ask people not to speak to you and you might find it enhances your life knowing a few local people.

Me too. I’m in London Zone 2 and talk to neighbours if I see them or for parcel collection etc. I also talk to strangers! Especially if they look like they might need directions but sometimes just for casual interaction. I am not lonely and have plenty of friends but I enjoy socialising. I DO know where to draw the line and totally value privacy and anonymity

Except if ‘Fred’ doesn’t take the hint or it’s one of those areas where it is expected that everyone ‘joins in’ whether they want to or not 😱

“Good morning, Fred-isn’t it a lovely day! Sorry, can’t stop-I’m running late- speak soon! ” Sorted. Not, as they say, rocket science.

I’m with you OP - it’s really intrusive if you have moved into one of those type of communities.

Be “In a hurry’ when they speak to you and remember that their time isn’t more important than yours

I’m the same OP. Grew up in a large city where basically no one spoke to one another. My mum was different because she actively enjoys talking to others so would go above and beyond to chat to anyone and everyone but I never wanted to.

Now live in a small town/village really and my god everyone wants to chat. I leave DH to do it and I go get in the car or go in the house. They almost definitely all think I’m a bitch but I just don’t want to engage in mindless small talk with people I’m forced to live close to. At best I will do a quick hi and smile but that’s as far as I go.

We speak to our neighbours but just quick 2 minute chats when you see them. It takes 2 parties to make a chat last 20 min, if you have a neighbour who likes long chats you just need to interrupt and say “ must go see you later”

I voted YANBU but only because I know that so-called friendliness is often disguised nosiness and community type areas can be terrible for gossip.

I am friendly with my neighbours because I want to be nice and do value community to an extent. However, my next door neighbour was quick to tell me details of another neighbours divorce (I didn't ask). Another neighbour informed how a person on our road owns 3 of the properties by us and rents 2 of them out (air bnb) and that's why there is sometimes unsavoury/antisocial behaviour and unfamiliar people around.

While some information is good to know, it makes me feel like I don't want to open up to them as the whole road will soon know our business. I also font want to get caught up in a "keeping up with the Jones' trap". Our house is nice enough, but far from the best on the road. I'd rather be out of the loop of chatter about everything we have going on in our household. For me, the best way to do that is limit things to a polite hello and occasional small talk.

I am happy to chat more sometimes and a quick hello other times

But yes if it turns into a 20 min chat every time I leave home or arrive back that would get annoying

YABU if you want to live in a nice community then you have to communicate. I love my neighbours and we all look out for each other. We help out with pet/ childcare, water each other's gardens and when we have the opportunity we have street parties. If you want a village you have to be a villager.

I'd hate that, cannot do banal chit chat. I'm pleasant and polite, then move on.