To not want to talk to my neighbours?

You will get to know the chatterboxes so you can run and hide.

I find it sad that people don't want to talk to their neighbours. You never know when you might need their help or they yours. In all 3 places I've lived, we've always chatted to the neighbours. We don't actually socialise together and definitely don't live in each other's pockets but we're always willing to help each other out. It's how I grew up, and when my DF died and my elderly DM was left living on her own 90 minutes away, I was grateful that both she and I had a relationship with the next door neighbours.
It's alright to say "sorry I'm in a rush today". You don't always have to develop a quick hello into a chat.

And most people fall somewhere in the middle.

There is no need to be besties. Plenty between "i don't know who lives next to me" and "besties".

“I've never been offered lifts or help despite being a lone parent and I do struggle sometimes.”

You certainly do SOUND annoyed.

I believe that the two people to
whom you refer are like that.
But some are like that in their 20s! So it’s nothing to do with age.

I live in a small, working-class coastal town and everyone talks to everyone else - I've had conversations with total strangers in the shops, in the street, while walking the dog etc. It would be considered incredibly rude to ignore someone who said hello or good morning.

If you don't want to chat, wear earphones (even if they're not playing anything).

Not annoyed at all. Nope.

No they don't 'make the most of it', here anyway.

Thats not an age thing though. Don’t be ridiculous! Most of the ‘empty nesters’ I know are making the most of it.

You sound more annoyed that they don’t offer you help.

@Huckleberries No, I'm not being ageist, two of my best friends are in their 60's and 70's. I've nothing in common with them as I'm on my own, they are all married. I've never been offered lifts or help despite being a lone parent and I do struggle sometimes.

I guess I just don't currently live in a road that's 'neighbourly'. In the last road I lived in all our children used to play out together, it was an estate of all ages, but we had Street parties for the Queens Jubilee, Royal Wedding etc. I miss it.

My current home was marketed as 'for growing families, near good schools, etc'. Anyway better the devil you know. I'd rather live by neighbours that I have ones that are vile.

Perhaps it should be one of the clauses in the estate agent’s documents (‘this is a community where everyone is expected to get on and know everyone’s business’) and then people could make a choice.

We hardly talk to our neighbours but have no problem with them

The way people talk about moving into a community
makes it sound like the Stepford Wives (everyone has to obey arbitrary rules).

They aren’t moving to any sort of community as you don’t know what your neighbours will be like. They are moving into a home. As long as they aren’t rude (so smile, say
hello) how does it affect the rest of the ‘community’?

If people live in a friendly community and they value that sense of community, then of course it is intrusive if antisocial misanthropist newbies start moving into that community and try to change the whole character of the neighbourhood.

Of course people are not obliged to be friends with their neighbours. Nobody is saying that they are. They can be as antisocial as they like, it isn't illegal. But there is nothing remotely rude or "intrusive" about their neighbours attempting to make friendly conversation in ways that are completely normal for that neighbourhood.

If people don't want to live in a friendly neighbourhood because of their own social phobia or whatever, then they shouldn't move to that kind of community - they can't expect everyone else to change their behaviour simply to accommodate their misanthropy.

I expect that the new neighbours will realise soon enough that the OP isn't worth the effort in any case, and then they will leave her alone.

I read one recently where the OP was angry that the new neighbours didn’t want to know (tbf their area sounded like a cult). MN is full of extremes.

Some people are just nosy and like to insert themselves into the business of others. Others can become friends over time. But just because you live in the same vicinity, doesn’t make you all besties

We had one lot of neighbours who thought they could boss everyone about. They were nasty people who ended up falling out with everyone and moving back, blaming everyone else!

It really spoiled the feeling of the area.

No doubt they've already fallen out with their new neighbours, not realising they're the problem, not everyone else

I always remember thread where women needed to escape her abuser but couldn't without help and didn't know a single neigbour to be able to go and knock on thier door and ask for emergency lift. (or similar it's been years but it stuck with me details may be wrong).

I always wondered how can something like that happen afyer living somewhere for years. Then I read more of MN....

Well you clearly haven’t met one of my neighbours. She keeps an eye on her cctv and if she sees anyone coming out of the house, she’s there regaling people with her latest news. And no she’s not lonely (she has family that she’s (very) involved with - she just likes to try to boast about shit!

ETA the neighbours on the other side are lovely people who we have organically become friendly with

Nope. Our 'neighbourly' neighbours are simply nosey gossips...most people who claim to be neighbourly are usually retired, bored and nosey.

How has she? She moved into a house but that didn’t include an obligation to be part of the ‘community’ element. It’s nice that the neighbours are friendly but hopefully they will be satisfied with a smile and a ‘hello’

Living in the same road doesn’t oblige people to be friends. If they become friendly then great. But it shouldn’t be an obligation.

@3678194b "However I don't particularly want to talk to mine as I have little in common with them. They are retired, empty nesters, never really do much or go out despite being in good health"

sounds kind of ageist

Round here those are all the people who will drop you off at the airport or even just the gym

Also, you say they don't do much. How do you know? One of my retired neighbours does the most beautiful watercolour paintings. She does one every single day. She also plays the piano amazingly well. I might take it up when I retire.

I understand wanting to live near people who have a lot in common with, but it takes everyone to make a community - all age groups welcome. Or they should be.

but @Oncemorewithsome is panicking that perhaps she has to have a 20 minute conversation with these people every day

Here's a clue
Close knit communities don't spend 20 minutes every time they bump into someone we don't have that kind of time

To do that every time we bump into someone we'd just be chatting to each other all day!

Weird thread to start really

I live in the town I grew up in and everybody gossiped about everyone. They didn't let the truth get in the way of a story.
However the area I now live in is full of couples around our age -- early 60s - who have retired from other places, who don't gossip.
A lof of them came here on holiday and decided to retire here.

Perhaps the OP should consider that she has "intruded" into their community by moving there? And she should adapt to the local norms?

We have a very friendly street WhatsApp group and lots of houses hold parties throughout the year where everyone is invited. When we moved in a few people brought round bags with tea, coffee, bread, wine etc

It's good to have nice neighbours.

However I don't particularly want to talk to mine as I have little in common with them. They are retired, empty nesters, never really do much or go out despite being in good health.

I do wish I had neighbours around the same stage of life to me. However everyone here really keeps to themselves. We do exchange 'hellos' that's about it though.

You’re just out of practice. Good neighbours are worth their weight in gold. Put your big girl pants on, and give it a go. You might find that you like them and enjoy this new social interaction.