To not want to talk to my neighbours?

But surely all that means is she finds it intrusive? And if the OP steps back and avoids conversation, then her neighbours should soon learn that she’s not into chatting and will stick the those who ARE interested?

Perhaps antisocial types need to learn better strategies for extracting themselves from conversations that they don't want to be a part of, rather than expecting everyone else around them to change their behaviour.

No I meant they can’t expect someone to join the community because they happen to have moved into the same area. To expect that is unreasonable. And pushing your conversation to 20 minutes is intrusive.

Why? They are just people who live in your vicinity. If you get on with them, fine, but you don’t have to have anything in common with them or do anything past the odd smile.

You've missed the point of what I'm saying. She doesn't have to engage with her neighbours if she doesn't want to, of course. But a pp described normal neighbourly interactions as "intrusive"...as if such behaviour is inappropriate and should stop. I don't see why a whole community should stop interacting in a friendly way simply because a handful of antisocial newcomers don't like it. They will no doubt learn in time that the OP doesn't want to engage and leave her to it, but unless she is walking around with a sign on her head saying "please don't talk to me", then it is to be expected that her neighbours will carry on being their usual friendly selves because that is what's normal in their community.

Unless it was in the sales particulars, how was OP supposed to know she’d be under some obligation to have long chats with everyone - or that for some unknown reason, the people who DO like chatting to the neighbours would have to stop just because somehow who doesn’t has moved in?

That’s ridiculous. She isn’t trying to “change the whole character” of the area - she doesn’t want to be involved at all! She’s not stopping anyone else being involved. They can all just carry on as normal.

If there are 20 houses on the street and 19 of those are occupied by people who want to be friends with the neighbours, why wouldn’t you just keep on talking to the other 18 households you were friendly with anyway, instead of str about one woman who just wants to be left alone?

Just a friendly wave each morning...

Everybody needs good neighbours.

I'm just on casual "y'alright?" terms with mine and their little girl always cuddles my dog when we see them (not often). In my M's street it's a proper little community, especially since Covid. In fact, there's a birthday party for one of them in the street today. Over sixty people are coming. Brilliant.

I literally saved my neighbour’s life when he had a cardiac arrest because we are on good terms, though have nothing in common whatsoever, and I recognised there was something going on from the noise and felt comfortable enough to go round and see if everything was ok.

Had we never been in contact I probably wouldn’t have recognised it or felt comfortable enough to “intrude”.

Being friendly and on good terms with neighbours is a good thing. My neighbours and I don’t socialise and we’re not close but we look out for eachother, we take each others bins in, we get our gutters done at the same time, we wave and have a quick chat when we see each other. If I desperately needed help I know I could ask them and vice versa.

I find it strange that people don't want to at least know who they're living next door to or if it's a small road know who else is living near them.

I live in a small road where all the neighbours are friendly, most of us have lived here for over 20 years.

I find it really sad when an elderly person dies and their body lays undiscovered for weeks/months because the neighbours haven't bothered to check on them.

The same with the awful child abuse cases. Maybe if people took more notice of their neighbours more of the neglect/abuse could be stopped.

Learning how to keep conversations of any type (phone, in person, online messaging) to a duration that you want and not let the other person dictate the terms is an important skill to learn.
Some people on mumsnet do seem surprisingly poor at this though and feel resentful at replying to endless messages, listening to someone on the phone for an hour, talking to a neighbour for 20 minutes etc when they just need to learn to be politely assertive and leave/ not look at or reply to messages/ put the phone down with a cheerful goodbye after saying you have to go.
Social contacts are more stressful if you don't learn to actively control them so they suit you not the other person.

What you see as intrusion, other people see as part of living in a community with other people.

I'm really glad I live somewhere were people are friendly and help each other - when we were all snowed in a few years ago, everyone helped each other move cars, get groceries and walk dogs - it was lovely.

I will say hello, but the OP was talking about a 20 minute chat, which is very different! I've lived in the same house for over 30 years, and don't remember a time when I've needed "help". If and when that day comes, I'll just have to manage, I guess, because I wouldn't dream of intruding on others.

We moved to a small village to a house with no neighbours directly adjacent but near, my partner absolutely loves talking to the neighbours but I don’t so I just don’t 🤣

But the point is that not all of us "want a village"! The lifestyle you describe would be my worst nightmare - put simply, we're not all the same, and that's OK.

Me too.

Nobody is saying you have to be friends with the neighbours. But when you live next door to people, the polite thing is to at least say hello and maintain basic communication. You never know when you might need their help, after all.

I totally agree with you, OP. Why does living near to someone mean we suddenly have to be their friend? But you have a choice - if they start chatting, just smile and move on. They'll soon get the hint.
Some of us do want to maintain our own privacy (and it's nothing to do with where we live in the UK, either).

@LiviaDrusillaAugustaObviously if your neighbours aren't nice people, then that's fine. But there was no indication of that from the OP. Their only 'crime' was wanting to chat and be neighbourly.

Of course it changes a community if lots of antisocial newcomers move in and don't even see themselves as living in a community.

Yes, the OP can buy a house and be as antisocial as she likes. I'm not saying that she has to make an effort. What I'm objecting to is you describing her neighbours' friendliness as "intrusive" when she has chosen to move into their close-knit community.

If you want to be a hermit, maybe go and live on a remote island or something. There is nothing remotely intrusive about people being friendly towards their neighbours.

Sounds like it works well. My parents have lived in a cul de sac for forty years (as did I for a chunk of that) and most people have lived there at least 20 years. One set are friends and we would help each other but we only know two other sets. When you have at least one set who is a nosy gossip it tends to be a bit off putting

Goodness! We live in a small hamlet and I can’t imagine ignoring my neighbours! Even if it’s just a brief greeting it just seems the natural thing to do. My daughter just moved into a new flat in London. It’s the middle of 3 floors and on her first day both upstairs and downstairs sets of neighbours came to introduce themselves and welcome her.

I go to the pub with mine

But why is it sad? Each to their own. And sometimes the reason people don’t want to get involved is that their neighbours are not very nice people or gossipy.

I live in a culdesac on an estate and I say hi to anyone and recognise most people. There are a handful of people I’ll stop to chat with when I have time, and we’ve become quite good friends with the family across the street from us. It’s been super convenient many times - we found a pet sitter around the corner, people support my kids in various ways and there is a plant swap in the middle green every year which is lovely. I never worry though about saying when I don’t have time and I’d never get super personal with neighbours anyway as we are all going to carry on living here for years to come (people don’t really leave this estate very often, all our neighbours have been here for a decade or more)