To not want to talk to my neighbours?

We have moved areas a bit: Tied houses (Hampshire) where everyone knew each other and their basic wage (government), rural Lincolnshire, snobby Dorset, considerate Somerset. Neighbours varied. We know our current neighbours all round very well and they know our DS and DIL. None of them are intrusive but we know they are reliable if really needed. Lovely area generally, locals always know if you are local and smile and nod. If you want a convo there is always someone ready for that, or not, whatever suits you at that time.

Yes it’s sad. But I was replying to your comment:

I find it strange that people don't want to at least know who they're living next door to or if it's a small road know who else is living near them.

Outside of the extreme cases you are talking about, what is the big deal? Like I said we have become friends with one set of neighbours because we clicked eventually and they are very nice.

However the ones the other side have to know what is going on with every house in the road and it’s tedious.

I lived in flats for 20-odd years and wouldn’t have been able to pick my neighbours out of a line up.

Positive ones may benefit people but interacting with people you don’t particularly click with? No.

I've no particular interest in chatting to my neighbours either... I live in a cul-de-sac, and while the ones I've talked to are friendly enough, I've no desire to "be friends".

I confess, I occasionally linger round the side of my house so that I don't bump into "him from next door" who tends to leave for work at the same time as me. If I hear him already out there, I'll hang back. Just because I've had enough of the awkward, "You alright? Yeah, fine thanks, you?" meaningless back and forth!

I’m quite reserved so I lightly interact with some of my neighbours for example a nod or hello when I go to my car or put the bins out. I also go for coffee with 3 of 4 different ones.

Im not a saddo so I like being sociable towards others around my estate and village. For sure they were all kind and helpful during a recent crisis.
I was so grateful for that.

Depends on the town and the neighbor.

I would keep it to a wave and smile going forward. "Nice day!" and keep walking type of thing. You have the right to live in peace without being social if you don't wish to be.

I have had times in my life where I wanted to be friendly with neighbors, and other times not. I am happy to chat with my one neighbor, knowing they are friendly but also respect space. We had a new set just move in next door, totally different phase of life, etc, and I don't plan to ever introduce myself. No need. No desire.

I grew up in one of thse claustrophobic working class communities (1950s/60s) where everybody knew your business. Our front door was never closed until last thing at night and out next door neighbour would just walk into the house! I hated tha an swore I would never allow it to happen when I got my own home.

Living in flats is much more private although I did make friends with some neighbours. We lived in a Housing Co-Operative (similar to a HA but run by the co-owners) and I was soon co-opted onto the committee. When I moved to the suburb where I live now it was a diverse area. The various ethnic groups seem to socialise within their own community which suits me fine. If they want to borrow a cup of curry they dont come here, Sometimes I can go days without seeing anyone except on the ring doorbell.

Social interactions benefit your mental health
People with limited social intercations literally die earlier than others of loneliness
I understand that when we have been hurt we can try and be an island (i have been there) but its no conducive to long term good mental health

We have always lived in the same area of our suburb. We always spoke to our neighbours, and when we moved to another area of the suburb, where the houses were new build and everyone had moved into the area ...no one spoke! And my mum always said it was the lonliest time of her life there. Where we live now (back in the original area) we always speak to neighbours. It's nice to know people are looking out for you. Community spirit. All that stuff. Doesn't need to be a long conversation, just a good morning is nice

Are you saying you don't find it sad that a person's body could lay undiscovered for weeks/months and their neighbours don't notice? The same with child abuse? Blimey what sort of country have we become.

Yet they went out of their way to knock YOUR door. Judging by some of the comments on here, I think I actually fall slightly in the unfriendly/unsociable category. But I find your neighbour's behaviour to be real CF material.

I think I'd have felt the urge to say "neither do I" and shut the door on her if she'd have the cheek to knock my door under the guise of introduction just to tell me she didn't want any interaction. The cheek and hypocrisy of some people - unreal.

I'm in Ireland, talking to the neighbors is very common. In fact, not talking would be unusual.

Small polite chit chat is what makes small communities. I’m sure they dislike the city types moving in, making the place less friendly.
No need for a long chat, a polite hello won’t suck you in.

^ This, exactly.

It takes no time at all, and costs nothing, to engage in small talk. You don't need to talk about serious stuff, or gossip, but it is good that neighbours know your name and that you could call on each other in an urgent situation, e.g. a flood, medical emergency, or if there's been a local crime or similar. Nobody is asking you to be their best friend, just a good neighbour.

Sounds like you need to find better strategies for escaping conversations when you don't want to engage. Basic social skills like this can easily be improved with practice.

I don't ever struggle to shut down a conversation by rolling my eyes or walking away mid sentence. But your difficulties do go some way towards explaining why you're so eager to avoid normal neighbourly interactions.

I agree. Our new neighbours who haven't even reciprocated our "Hellos" have already made themselves appear standoffish- NE Scotland - I don't know why they and our previous neighbours who fell out with everybody who wouldn't be bossed around, buy houses where you're so close to each other.

He said he'd been a headmaster and thought that gave him the right to impose his perceived superiority on everybody else.

It’s normal to talk to your neighbours in towns and villages.

Even more so if you don’t live in the south of England.

its practically compulsory in Scotland 🤣

if you don’t you will be perceived as rude and unfriendly.

Unfortunately some people don’t think so. That’s why when people say an important social skill to extricate yourself from a conversation I roll my eyes. Some people don’t take the hint until you actually walk away mid sentence

I got the impression we weren’t deemed worthy enough of their attention tbh

That is seriously odd behaviour. I absolutely would not take it upon myself to go and knock a stranger's (neighbour I don't know) door to tell them I don't want to be bothered.

It just doesn't make sense.

Sorry if someone's already said this - but you can be friendly without a 20 minute conversation

Live rurally and new neighbours moved in. They came around to introduce themselves and inform us they had moved from London to the countryside for peace and quiet and didn’t want interaction with others around them. Rude but fair enough. We respected that and didn’t speak. Eventually they needed help like candles in a power cut, someone to let the dog out, take a parcel in etc and found people were not forthcoming to help. She got upset and put the house on the market because she felt so isolated 😂. It’s absolutely fine to not talk to your neighbours and no one wants over bearing ones but occasionally in life you might need help and it’s good to know there are others around.

See, I would hate that so it’s great that you see it as a positive. Hard luck on anyone who moves in and would find it suffocating

I live in a small village where everyone knows everyone else. You can’t leave the house without having a conversation with someone!

I saw hi and am polite but my neighbours aren’t my friends and we don’t socialise. Lived here 6 years and always been fine, no one has ever overstepped